Unless by magic it’s ending

[giverupper24]

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do at this point. I just got discharged and I lied in order to get out earlier. Now my parents think something is wrong with me again and they're always so mean about it. When I got groomed and sexually assaulted last semester as a minor the first 5 minutes when they found out they took it well until they didn't. I've already felt quite disconnected from my father for many reasons some of it being he's weird and creepy. I hate his touch because of past instances but besides that he's not a good father. They always tell me I can go to them but any time I bring up anything remotely negative (ie I'm scared I'll fail this exam) I get yelled at or when I do express myself for once (ie I'm feeling stressed lately from school) I get backlash (I'M SO MUCH MORE STRESSED THAN YOU! I HAVE A JOB ETC ETC ). It's hard. Idk Besides these things I've been sexually assaulted on multiple accounts and I got so used to my dad slapping me that I don't feel it anymore even though he finally stopped i still flinch around people a lot. I don't handle anyone of authority or older than me well because of his parenting. I'm a loner and don't really have anyone to talk to besides this new counselor / therapist. Hopefully this works otherwise I choose the train.

 

[Ultracheese]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. As someone who's also been a sexual assault victim multiple times and dealt with physical abuse from a parent, it can be really hard to talk to people about our struggles or find those who can relate. Parents guilt tripping you is one of the worst feelings of the world, and you shouldn't blame yourself for their shitty behavior. Your father sounds awful and I'm sorry that he's hurt you and is so insensitive toward your feelings. He doesn't deserve to be a father in any capacity. Your fear of authority and those older than you is totally understandable. A good therapist will recognize that and will work with you to build trust. I hope therapy goes well and you're able to see someone who respects your feelings, boundaries, and experiences.

 

[tams]

Sorry for what you are going through. I hope the counselor will be able to support you better than your current "support". Might be time for a change of scenery if that is a possibility.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you've had to go through, this world where cruel humans create so much suffering undeniably is so hellish. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.