Today is the day - Goodbye thread

[Beyond_Repair]

Thank you to everyone on this site who I had the pleasure of having discussions with and received advice from. Such a compassionate and empathetic group of people, I felt less alone getting to talk about things that you really can't anywhere else. I sincerely hope this site persists despite the pushback from the powers that be, as censorship is an insidious virus and should be fought for those who value freedom of thought and expression of ideas. Thank you to the developers and mods and others who help make this site possible.

My reasons: childhood trauma, the subsequent CPTSD and generally feeling as if I was not made for this world. Having experienced much of what I wanted to and having enough life experience and awareness of what potentially lies ahead to know that I am ready for it to end. I'm too sensitive, and cannot successfully function in the world as it is as a result. The world is full of pain and suffering and inequality, and I don't want any part of it. I believe that this is the path to true freedom from this prison for me.

I've revised my plan a bit as I had breakfast later than I planned. I started fasting at noon and plan to take SN at midnight so it should be a 12 hour fast (I don't tend to eat much so it shouldn't be a problem for me). I am also changing how I am taking the Xanax.


My method:

11am - breakfast

Noon - start fasting (12hrs)

10pm - stop water intake

11pm - 1000mg Tylenol + 2mg Xanax

11:20pm - 30mg meto

11:30pm - 2 pepcid

(In the mean time)

Prep SN drinks - 25g in ~ 100ml of water per drink

11:55pm - 8mg xanax + 400mg propranolol crushed and mixed in water

12am - drink SN


I will try to keep updated as the day progresses. After tonight, if you do not hear from me within a week, please cross out my name. I'm still open to comments/critiques about my regimen, if anyone has any suggestions

One note - I have IBS and some other digestive issues. People have said that SN is not an ideal method in these cases, but I am still going for it because it is my preferred method and the best option I have.

 

[fvckfamily]

Goodbye My friend

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I hope you find the peace you seek, we are with you. Keep us updated if you want to, we're here for you<3

 

[HiddenPain]

Wish you all the best and all the peace for your journey.

One thing I'm doing differently is taking my propranolol and benzo's prior to SN so they can start taking effect before hand, may be worth doing this half hour prior to taking your SN.

 

[Jon Arbuckle]

Thank you to everyone on this site who I had the pleasure of having discussions with and received advice from. Such a compassionate and empathetic group of people, I felt less alone getting to talk about things that you really can't anywhere else. I sincerely hope this site persists despite the pushback from the powers that be, as censorship is an insidious virus and should be fought for those who value freedom of thought and expression of ideas. Thank you to the developers and mods and others who help make this site possible.

My reasons: childhood trauma, the subsequent CPTSD and generally feeling as if I was not made for this world. Having experienced much of what I wanted to and having enough life experience and awareness of what potentially lies ahead to know that I am ready for it to end. I'm too sensitive, and cannot successfully function in the world as it is as a result. The world is full of pain and suffering and inequality, and I don't want any part of it. I believe that this is the path to true freedom from this prison for me.

I've revised my plan a bit as I had breakfast later than I planned. I started fasting at noon and plan to take SN at midnight so it should be a 12 hour fast (I don't tend to eat much so it shouldn't be a problem for me). I am also changing how I am taking the Xanax.


My method:

11am - breakfast

Noon - start fasting (12hrs)

10pm - stop water intake

11pm - 1000mg Tylenol + 2mg Xanax

11:20pm - 30mg meto

11:30pm - double dose of recommended omeprazole

(In the mean time)

Prep SN drinks - 25mg in ~ 100ml of water per drink

12am - drink SN + 400mg propranolol + 8mg xanax mixed in


I will try to keep updated as the day progresses. After tonight, if you do not hear from me within a week, please cross out my name. I'm still open to comments/critiques about my regimen, if anyone has any suggestions

One note - I have IBS and some other digestive issues. People have said that SN is not an ideal method in these cases, but I am still going for it because it is my preferred method and the best option I have.

I am wishing you peace.

 

[tinyhotot]

See you!! Happy trails friend, I hope you find happiness and peace on the other side

 

[GolfNovemberSierra]

Best of luck, and safe travels

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Wish you all the best and all the peace for your journey.

One thing I'm doing differently is taking my propranolol and benzo's prior to SN so they can start taking effect before hand, may be worth doing this half hour prior to taking your SN.

I was thinking about that too. I couldn't decide when to take the benzos, I had just read other people mixing them both with the SN. My worry with the xanax is that it will knock me out before being able to even drink the SN. I don't know how I'll react to 8mg of crushed xanax. I don't know how fast it will kick in.

I think I will take it slightly before, maybe 15 minutes or so. I can't fail this

Thanks for your suggestion :)

 

[Bear1234]

Good luck! Just want to remind you that during your fast do not drink much water at all, only sips here and there. Also I don't know if that xanax amt is alot or not but just wanna make sure you don't knock out from anything else but SN so that you don't vomit it all up in your sleep and can't have another glass. I hope you have peace, i never encourage CTB but I know life is hard so i hope its peaceful and easy for you.
I also have IBS and stomach problems here and there so I do wonder how this will play out. My chosen method is SN as well.

 

[astr4]

i hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I was thinking about that too. I couldn't decide when to take the benzos, I had just read other people mixing them both with the SN. My worry with the xanax is that it will knock me out before being able to even drink the SN. I don't know how I'll react to 8mg of crushed xanax. I don't know how fast it will kick in.

I think I will take it slightly before, maybe 15 minutes or so. I can't fail this

Thanks for your suggestion :)

It's gonna absorb fast esp crushed up. You could get away with 10 before, there's been a lot (more) of posts lately of the person not getting to the SN part of the protocol bc the benzos made them pass out and they just wake up


Edit: wanted to add onto this is related to regular release XANAX aka Alprazolam. If anyone has questions about other benzos within their methods, feel free to convo me<3 As a general rule, Xanax absorbs fast bc it is made to be short acting for things like panic attacks etc. <33

 

[Wistful]

I hope you rest well.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

It's gonna absorb fast esp crushed up. You could get away with 10 before, there's been a lot (more) of posts lately of the person not getting to the SN part of the protocol bc the benzos made them pass out and they just wake up

I'll go with 10. Better safe than sorry. Thanks for your suggestion :)

 

[Kurai]

Your plans looks good, goodluck and I hope you find peace

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Safe travels and good luck! I hope you find peace.

 

[Gangrel]

I'm so sorry you feel like you have to go, sending a lot of love to you i hope everything will be well with you.

 

[Leopard2023]

Is "Disheartened Ghost" a reference to you being dead?

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Is "Disheartened Ghost" a reference to you being dead?

It's more of a reference to how I've felt like a ghost in my life. I had thought about getting a ghost tattoo at one point, haha. Like a cute, simple one.

Although your interpretation makes sense as well, I hadn't thought of it that way before :)

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Best of luck to you. I'm sorry life treated you so badly.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

I hope for your sake everything turns out the way you wish. Sounds like its been hard for you. You deserve some peace. Sorry it has to be this way.

 

[maynoname]

Good luck, hope you find peace !

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from all the suffering, existence truly is too cruel.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Is it okay if the omeprazole is delayed release? It says may take 1-4 days for full effect. Does anyone know if another antacid might be better?

 

[Thisisme373]

I'm sorry life has led you to this, I hope you find peace

 

[BobSmoked]

Hoping you find the peace you deserve one or another my friend thank you.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Good luck! Just want to remind you that during your fast do not drink much water at all, only sips here and there. Also I don't know if that xanax amt is alot or not but just wanna make sure you don't knock out from anything else but SN so that you don't vomit it all up in your sleep and can't have another glass. I hope you have peace, i never encourage CTB but I know life is hard so i hope its peaceful and easy for you.
I also have IBS and stomach problems here and there so I do wonder how this will play out. My chosen method is SN as well.

Sorry you're going through it as well. I don't want to encourage anyone either but hopefully if this works maybe it'll bring you a bit of comfort as someone with IBS, knowing it can work

And thank you for the info :) I have been taking 2mg every once in a while and it has gotten to the point where I don't really feel it having as much of an effect. So I assume 8mg should be enough to sedate me without fully knocking me out, should I need to drink another glass. Hopefully

 

[Bear1234]

Sorry you're going through it as well. I don't want to encourage anyone either but hopefully if this works maybe it'll bring you a bit of comfort as someone with IBS, knowing it can work

And thank you for the info :) I have been taking 2mg every once in a while and it has gotten to the point where I don't really feel it having as much of an effect. So I assume 8mg should be enough to sedate me without fully knocking me out, should I need to drink another glass. Hopefully

Thats good news on the xanax, I hope it eases your journey and you're right, If it works for you, it will be comforting to know. I hope it cases zero pain or symptoms <3

 

[EternalShore]

It was nice to see you around~ :) I wish you the best in whatever you do~ :) See ya and praying for you~ :)

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Thank you everyone for the well-wishes It makes me feel so much less alone. I know I couldn't go through with finding someone else to CTB with, because of the risks involved, but it is truly scary to go alone. At least for me, haha. I wish it didn't have to be this way, hopefully one day it won't
I don't even know what I'm scared of. I'm not religious and I don't believe in an afterlife. I'm not scared of being dead.

I think I'm most scared of failing. And being alone

 

[nir]

Sorry you're going through it as well. I don't want to encourage anyone either but hopefully if this works maybe it'll bring you a bit of comfort as someone with IBS, knowing it can work

And thank you for the info :) I have been taking 2mg every once in a while and it has gotten to the point where I don't really feel it having as much of an effect. So I assume 8mg should be enough to sedate me without fully knocking me out, should I need to drink another glass. Hopefully

I always feel such a strange sad feeling whenever I catch a post of someone who is actively ctbing. Just knowing you're out there preparing for death and feeling like this...it's such a mix of emotions. I hope you find peace, and I'm thinking of you. Just from this thread alone you sound like such a nice person. The world will be a lesser place when you're gone. We'll miss you <3