Story Farewell! [My goodbye thread]

[wren-briar]

Thank you so much for the update!

acting like i'm a ghost once again, but I guess it's better than nothing. At least I dont hear any screams or anything right now, and I'm being left alone at peace, so I guess it's not too bad.

In my parents' house, while the silence could definitely be intimidating, it was so much better than the screaming, the yelling, the fingernails drawing blood from our cheeks, the hand around our necks, objects flung... Yeah, I'm just going to stop there. Intimidating silence was so much more desirable over so many other states when I was growing up. Honestly, the only state that was more desireable, that happened with any degree of frequency, was my dad not even being in the house.

I also finally got some food after over a whole day of fasting

What did you feast upon?

also drank water after around like 20 hours?

Definitely make sure to get and stay hydrated.

must have been the same entity that has told me to call the police. I don't think I called the police by myself, but rather someone in my head or something just told me that I have to do it now or else the loop will begin to reconstruct even stronger than ever.

What I'm picking up on may just be linguistic differences, but when you finally get to talk with a proper therapist (hopefully really, really soon ) you should describe this other entity in your head and let the therapist know about the loop that you're experiencing.

I'm hoping that this peace I'm at right now lasts as long as possible.

I'm hoping for the same thing, and, in addition, I'm also hoping that you see some actionable results from your report to the authorities really, really soon!

Now off with ya youngin'; go enjoy the quiet and the peace!

(Just don't forget to drop us updates. We really do want to know how you're doing, good, bad, or otherwise!)

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

Thank you so much for the update!



In my parents' house, while the silence could definitely be intimidating, it was so much better than the screaming, the yelling, the fingernails drawing blood from our cheeks, the hand around our necks, objects flung... Yeah, I'm just going to stop there. Intimidating silence was so much more desirable over so many other states when I was growing up. Honestly, the only state that was more desireable, that happened with any degree of frequency, was my dad not even being in the house.



What did you feast upon?



Definitely make sure to get and stay hydrated.



What I'm picking up on may just be linguistic differences, but when you finally get to talk with a proper therapist (hopefully really, really soon ) you should describe this other entity in your head and let the therapist know about the loop that you're experiencing.



I'm hoping for the same thing, and, in addition, I'm also hoping that you see some actionable results from your report to the authorities really, really soon!

Now off with ya youngin'; go enjoy the quiet and the peace!

(Just don't forget to drop us updates. We really do want to know how you're doing, good, bad, or otherwise!)

My dad came into my room just a couple moments ago. He's mad at me for calling the police. I guess he still cannot admit that he is alcoholic, not to mention that he is probably under alcohol today too, as his voice was weird and he was breathing the same way he does while under alcohol. Either way, he told me that I "showed off", which is a very bad word to use. He also said that he is ashamed, but for me. Yeah, its like its my fault. Idk what to say. Im mixed inside, no matter how many times we tell him to stop drinkinf, he just wont admit that he drinks and its us that find all the bottles of alcohol and shit.

 

[Goosechan]

Either way, he told me that I "showed off", which is a very bad word to use

Thanks for keeping us updated, we're feeling with you! Please don't take your father's words to heart. Like you said, he might even be under influence and he's clearly feeling threatened and angry. Not a great place to start from when speaking truth. As far as I'm concerned you're not showing off or airing your families dirty laundry by informing the police, you're standing up for yourself And you're trying to break a negative cycle of circumstances, or the loop as you call them.

My parents used to drink a lot too when I lived at home and they always told me the meanest and cruelest things when they were drunk. To them they were forgotten once they sobered up, but to me those words still ring in my ears a dozen years later. And of course they didn't wanna listen when I told them to mind their alcoholic consumption! I'm really sorry you're also going through something like that.

It really would be best in the police or some other organisation would help you to (at least temporarily) live somewhere other than your parents. I'm sure you would flourish away from their fighting and alcoholism!

Now off with ya youngin'; go enjoy the quiet and the peace!

You're really giving the best overseas uncle vibes here, nailing it!

 

[wren-briar]

You're really giving the best overseas uncle vibes here, nailing it!

Oh, shucks!

---

to me those words still ring in my ears a dozen years later.

---

@Goosechan has hit all the important bits!

We really want to see you somewhere safe, as soon as possible, even though it will likely be temporary. But ultimately, we really want you to be in safe and stable environment on your own, somewhere where you can actually flourish! ("Flourish" really is the perfect word, Goosechan!)

You are absolutely doing the things that you can, and should do, to "break a negative cycle of circumstances, or the loop as you call them."

You are absolutely not responsible for any perceived, negative consequences of standing up for yourself against abusive and alcoholic parents!

I'm not one to throw around "it will get better" platitudes, but in your case -and through no fault of your own- you're currently in a crappy situation, but despite that, you're doing what you need to do to get to a better place.

No one can guarantee that your situation will get better, but I'm sure as heck placing my bets on it!

And, fwiw, the grit and strength that you're using to improve your situation (heck, even the undeserved patience and empathy that you've shown your parents), well they'll all serve you well in many other challenges that life will throw at you!

 

[itswhatits]

I'm really glad to hear you have a way forward! I think you can make it out of this. You owe it to yourself, and to everyone your life will touch.

idk what to say. Im mixed inside, no matter how many times we tell him to stop drinkinf, he just wont admit that he drinks and its us that find all the bottles of alcohol and shit.

Unfortunately, there's not really anything you can say to make him face his own issues. His fight with alcohol is his own, and though others could help him, nobody can if he won't even admit to his struggles. It's sad, and unfair, but you can't face his demons for him.

 

[BlurredOne]

OP, I waited a whole day for my account to be set up in order to write to you here. Failed once due to a too short reason for account creation.. my bad.

I hope you'll find your way no matter in your life or out of it; as long as it brings you happiness and is not torturing on its own. Your struggles of today alone are... gosh...

What you've written so far shook me intensely because your story is just a stronger version of my own as it was/is. I am simply enraged getting to see again how inefficient and indifferent people and institutions can be in Poland (like the school reaction to your problems). I won't even mention the blindness of so-called families to the aftermaths of their own actions. When I was in my 18s (9y ago) I had a toxic coping mechanism based on pure dissociation - nothing unusual here I imagine. The backlash came a few years later when I was struggling to cut ties with my 'family'. I've found barely enough pinch of luck to not attempt ctb myself.. at least for now. SSRIs and psychotherapy are a must for me right now. The last puzzle was a.s.h. archive. Reading it finally allowed me to understand that many other people consider life's value as a relative thing and not some absolute. That's why I sometimes enter sanctioned suicide and how I stumbled upon your thread.

The compulsory schooling in Poland ends definitively for anyone after their 18th birthday. This means that you can potentially resign on your own from your current school and look for a different place to start anew (be it another high school or not). From what you've written so far I understand that your parents actively chain you to themselves and their toxic way of living. There's a high chance that there are institutions in our country which help young adults in such situations rather than just downplaying the whole situation in order to preserve "family normalcy".

We can talk however you want. I live in Toruń right now and if you feel unsafe in your home (physically or mentally) you can stay at my place for as long as you need. I just can't imagine allowing such stories to propagate into the future and affect innocent people like you. I'm totally financially okay with helping you. We can arrange some good therapist in your town or in Toruń, I can pay for it and your parents won't know a shit. At the very best you will have time and space to decide what to do with your future. At the very least I'll help you fetch up some meto and give you my electronic scale. (<- I'm sincerely sorry for overstepping the Forum Rules here)

We can talk here for you and others to be sure that I have no bad intentions. I can PM you my phone number if you want. Especially if you'll want some help with psychotherapy you can just give the therapist my number so that I could pay her/him. And know that I really, honestly keep the door open for you if you feel undafe at home and don't know where to go.

 

[Goosechan]

@BlurredOne
While it's really touching that OPs story has moved you so much that you wanted to reply and share yournown experience and honestly some good tips (about being able to change schools as OP is assumed 18 as per use agreements of the forum) I also find some of your offers of help not in line with the DO NOTs from the Rules section of this forum, namely:

• Sell, purchase, offer, gift, or request products, materials, or money.
  • We don't allow any transaction or offer for transactions whatsoever on the forum. This website is not a marketplace.

Keep in mind I am not a mod and I am not interested in reporting your seemingly good intentions for unfamiliarity with the full rules. I'm just recognising that OP is in a vulnerable position here and I am watching out for them. So while it might be nice for OP to talk to someone local about their struggles, do not and especially not unprompted and without a prior base of trust offer them your personal details, shelter or money and also explicitly do not offer them goods or services to CTB.

 

[BlurredOne]

@BlurredOne
While it's really touching that OPs story has moved you so much that you wanted to reply and share yournown experience and honestly some good tips (about being able to change schools as OP is assumed 18 as per use agreements of the forum) I also find some of your offers of help not in line with the DO NOTs from the Rules section of this forum, namely:

• Sell, purchase, offer, gift, or request products, materials, or money.
  • We don't allow any transaction or offer for transactions whatsoever on the forum. This website is not a marketplace.

Keep in mind I am not a mod and I am not interested in reporting your seemingly good intentions for unfamiliarity with the full rules. I'm just recognising that OP is in a vulnerable position here and I am watching out for them. So while it might be nice for OP to talk to someone local about their struggles, do not and especially not unprompted and without a prior base of trust offer them your personal details, shelter or money and also explicitly do not offer them goods or services to CTB.

Thank you very much for your aptitude, @Goosechan. Especially so since that I stand here in a position of a highly suspicious individual considering the extent of my post, full anonymity and myself being a "newborn" on the forum. Thank you for your vigilance (not ending here, I hope). I've made a point to thoroughly read the S.S. Rules a few months ago when I started to read the forum as a guest. I admit to have unintentionally overstepped those boundaries by suggesting in one sentence that I can help with meto and/or electronic scale. I believe however that the rest of my post lies within those boundaries: help with finding shelter or psychotherapy does not seem to suggest any kind of abuse of a perrson's vulnerable situation and lies in the spirit of pro-choice which - besides obvious anti-manipulative reasons - is also a core of this rule (not to mention potential forum-wide problems regarding cooperation with ctb). Nor are they a direct "material/product/money" case.

I do not intend to harm our community as a result of my actions. At the same time, @GalacticWarrior777, I uphold my offer to help to the extent allowed by the Rules of S.S.

As a sidenote: this misshap of mine is perfect example of why being on open forum is important, especially in such cases. On the other hand I don't want to derail such a personal thread so I'm open to moving this conversation to administration if you feel, @Goosechan, that I still abuse the rules.

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

I'm really glad to hear you have a way forward! I think you can make it out of this. You owe it to yourself, and to everyone your life will touch.


Unfortunately, there's not really anything you can say to make him face his own issues. His fight with alcohol is his own, and though others could help him, nobody can if he won't even admit to his struggles. It's sad, and unfair, but you can't face his demons for him.

I sadly know it. I know multiple people who have fought alcoholism before, and many have of them have lost the fight.

OP, I waited a whole day for my account to be set up in order to write to you here. Failed once due to a too short reason for account creation.. my bad.

I hope you'll find your way no matter in your life or out of it; as long as it brings you happiness and is not torturing on its own. Your struggles of today alone are... gosh...

What you've written so far shook me intensely because your story is just a stronger version of my own as it was/is. I am simply enraged getting to see again how inefficient and indifferent people and institutions can be in Poland (like the school reaction to your problems). I won't even mention the blindness of so-called families to the aftermaths of their own actions. When I was in my 18s (9y ago) I had a toxic coping mechanism based on pure dissociation - nothing unusual here I imagine. The backlash came a few years later when I was struggling to cut ties with my 'family'. I've found barely enough pinch of luck to not attempt ctb myself.. at least for now. SSRIs and psychotherapy are a must for me right now. The last puzzle was a.s.h. archive. Reading it finally allowed me to understand that many other people consider life's value as a relative thing and not some absolute. That's why I sometimes enter sanctioned suicide and how I stumbled upon your thread.

The compulsory schooling in Poland ends definitively for anyone after their 18th birthday. This means that you can potentially resign on your own from your current school and look for a different place to start anew (be it another high school or not). From what you've written so far I understand that your parents actively chain you to themselves and their toxic way of living. There's a high chance that there are institutions in our country which help young adults in such situations rather than just downplaying the whole situation in order to preserve "family normalcy".

We can talk however you want. I live in Toruń right now and if you feel unsafe in your home (physically or mentally) you can stay at my place for as long as you need. I just can't imagine allowing such stories to propagate into the future and affect innocent people like you. I'm totally financially okay with helping you. We can arrange some good therapist in your town or in Toruń, I can pay for it and your parents won't know a shit. At the very best you will have time and space to decide what to do with your future. At the very least I'll help you fetch up some meto and give you my electronic scale. (<- I'm sincerely sorry for overstepping the Forum Rules here)

We can talk here for you and others to be sure that I have no bad intentions. I can PM you my phone number if you want. Especially if you'll want some help with psychotherapy you can just give the therapist my number so that I could pay her/him. And know that I really, honestly keep the door open for you if you feel undafe at home and don't know where to go.

It's amazing to see a local offer help, but as of right now, I want to see how my efforts will work out. I believe that with enough gettinf "out of the comfort zone", I'll be able to fix most stuff mainly myself. I always was a person that would try doing stuff by themself, but if my efforts wont be enough, I guess we can have a bit "deeper" chat in PMs. So as of right now, I'll have to wait and see how it goes.
Also, quick update before I go to sleep:
Im feeling super tired, probablt due to 2 hours of sleep today. Im still a bit anxious, but not as much as yesterday. I went to the church and prayed all the time for this night to be peaceful, so I hope that God does keep watch over me, at least for this night, as I am Christian. Either way, Ive rehydrated myself and ate some food, so Im better than yesterday. I believe that most of my energy dissapeard due to having pulse of over 120 during my panic attack yesterday. Im going to sleep now, Ill update tomorrow evening, as I'll be on a trip.

 

[Goosechan]

Thank you very much for your aptitude,

Thanks for your thought out response, too! It seems all the more like you had nothing but good and helpful intentions in mind.

I believe that with enough gettinf "out of the comfort zone", I'll be able to fix most stuff mainly myself

What a powerful perspective, I believe in you too! How's tonight? I hope there's not much going on as I believe some rest would be bliss right now.