Thinking about giving myself a year before I ctb

[theRetroHawk]

So my birthday is coming up and I was thinking that it would probably be the best day to ctb, I'm still under the control of my SI to think things can get better but I don't feel like they can. I think I'm going to go to my last year of school and see what happens if I can't get a job in the field a year and about a week from today I will finally leave this hell hole. I really want to post more on here just to explain my thought process and reasons if that would even be interesting for anyone to read. I find it funny because even when I try I am helpless. I managed to get back to the gym for about two weeks along with eating healthy and I managed to drop about 15 pounds quick. It's like the say the higher you are up the harder you fall it's been about a week I've completely given up I was waking up at 8 am now I can't even get out of bed until it's time to get ready for work and I had actually began to quit masturbating but now I'm addicted again. Idk why I do this to myself I want to be healthy and normal I really do. I want to get out of bed, I want to play video games, I want to live my life but something is blocking me and I don't understand it I assume it's just some chemical brain thing and I'm fucked with no cure.
I also gained back all the weight :/

 

[soonatpeace777888]

The great thing about CTB is that there really is no time limit. You can last as long as you can and its always there.

 

[theRetroHawk]

The great thing about CTB is that there really is no time limit. You can last as long as you can and its always there.

Yeah exactly I want it to be a last resort but the more I try to look positively at things the more I get slapped in the face I just know my time is coming

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring being trapped in that situation but anyway I wish you the best with your plans, existence is just too cruel.