Still wanting to CTB after improvement in mental condition?

[alivefornow]

Today I started taking new meds and my mental condition immediately improved, even though there were mild to severe physical setbacks (nausea, throwing up, shaking and shivering). The heavy heart pain and anguish have become bearable, returning to its regular everyday level (it never really goes away).

In the past two months, I was tying neckties to hooks, holding razors to my arm and stepping out of windows out of desperation, never really having the guts to go out in such violent and destructive ways.

However, my newfound clarity assisted me in researching and planning my SN attempt more methodically and effectively. I realized I'll be permanently suicidal even if I'm drugged to hell to become apathetic and emotionally sedated. Because on a rational level, I have no interest in the future.

Anyone's had similar experiences?

 

[CantWait2D1E]

I'm under the impression that depression and suicidal ideology are not illnesses of the mind that can be cured, but a natural and rational response to one's circumstances. People who are depressed have depressing lives. It's a simple cause & effect relationship. If you've got no interest in the future like you say, no hope for things to get better, of course you're still going to be suicidal. No amount of meds or therapy is going to cure that. Let's face it, things don't naturally happen on their own. The things worth doing in life are often the hardest to do. You gotta really put in the work yourself to turn this mindset around. Come up with a plan, actionable steps to get better.

To answer your question, I'm going through something similar too. I'm committing character suicide because I can't kill myself for real. By character suicide I mean giving up on myself and doing nothing with all this free time I have. It's a terrible situation to be in. Meds would only help me feel more apathetic and indifferent to my cause, not help me find drive and passion to fix myself.

 

[alivefornow]

I'm under the impression that depression and suicidal ideology are not illnesses of the mind that can be cured, but a natural and rational response to one's circumstances. People who are depressed have depressing lives. It's a simple cause & effect relationship. If you've got no interest in the future like you say, no hope for things to get better, of course you're still going to be suicidal. No amount of meds or therapy is going to cure that. Let's face it, things don't naturally happen on their own. The things worth doing in life are often the hardest to do. You gotta really put in the work yourself to turn this mindset around. Come up with a plan, actionable steps to get better.

To answer your question, I'm going through something similar too. I'm committing character suicide because I can't kill myself for real. By character suicide I mean giving up on myself and doing nothing with all this free time I have. It's a terrible situation to be in. Meds would only help me feel more apathetic and indifferent to my cause, not help me find drive and passion to fix myself.

Well it all depends on what we mean by depression, doesn't it? If we are talking about depression in an emotional sense, then I don't believe there is a cure. I do believe, however, it is possible to accept and come to terms with living like this, with staying in life even though you don't want to.

In the more clinical sense of the word, depression can be understood as a lack of "feel good" hormone production, which can manifest in people with predisposition for it, who may or may not be suffering from emotional trauma or loss.

Either way, it's a terrible circumstance to be in and I have nothing but understanding for others who are dealing with this kind of strife. Hating life and yourself so much you want to end it, it's something I can comprehend.