15032021
Member
- Aug 25, 2023
- 11
I'm starting to make some progress in life. Got a stable job and place to stay, but I'm still missing so much.
I don't have my birth certificate or citizenship paper works and I have a bad feeling it'll be what's needed for me to get my drivers license back. My mom still holds onto them as ransom to go live with her even though she did a great job fucking up my life along with the rest of my family and myself I guess.
It just gets so tiring. I don't have anyone to lean on and psych wards has made me cautions of what I say. A part of me hates being alone but the other half is glad to avoid all the troubles. I'm probably going to die alone anyways.
I'm just waiting for god to do his thing and throw me back down. Every good is followed with a bad, and the bad will always sooner or later outweigh the good. One of the things I've learnt in life.
I wonder why god would get us so comfortable in hell and still say heaven is better. They say god forgives but he didn't forgive Adam and Eve for being fooled by a snake they knew nothing about, it's almost like god wanted them gone. Who knows, the ideas of gods and goddesses are in the end nothing more than stories and theories from people thousands of years ago, maybe death is just going to be blank.
Every now and then I just get the urge to get in my car and drive as fast as I can into a tree head on and die. But then I'd just be letting down my current boss and they'll probably end up knowing all about my stupid life, I don't want that, I just wish to disappear. I keep getting random floodings of bad memories that ends up giving me a headache and some sort of chest pain, it's like god teasing me with a bit of pain to make me think I'm getting a heart attack or something but still make me go through it all.
I wonder what will be the next problem. Maybe some legal jargon that takes more money from me or maybe even lock me up for a while again for god to laugh at, maybe I'll piss the boss off and get fired, maybe I'll get hit by another car and go paralyzed and lose the ability to even try to end this game. I'm just so tired of worrying.
I don't have my birth certificate or citizenship paper works and I have a bad feeling it'll be what's needed for me to get my drivers license back. My mom still holds onto them as ransom to go live with her even though she did a great job fucking up my life along with the rest of my family and myself I guess.
It just gets so tiring. I don't have anyone to lean on and psych wards has made me cautions of what I say. A part of me hates being alone but the other half is glad to avoid all the troubles. I'm probably going to die alone anyways.
I'm just waiting for god to do his thing and throw me back down. Every good is followed with a bad, and the bad will always sooner or later outweigh the good. One of the things I've learnt in life.
I wonder why god would get us so comfortable in hell and still say heaven is better. They say god forgives but he didn't forgive Adam and Eve for being fooled by a snake they knew nothing about, it's almost like god wanted them gone. Who knows, the ideas of gods and goddesses are in the end nothing more than stories and theories from people thousands of years ago, maybe death is just going to be blank.
Every now and then I just get the urge to get in my car and drive as fast as I can into a tree head on and die. But then I'd just be letting down my current boss and they'll probably end up knowing all about my stupid life, I don't want that, I just wish to disappear. I keep getting random floodings of bad memories that ends up giving me a headache and some sort of chest pain, it's like god teasing me with a bit of pain to make me think I'm getting a heart attack or something but still make me go through it all.
I wonder what will be the next problem. Maybe some legal jargon that takes more money from me or maybe even lock me up for a while again for god to laugh at, maybe I'll piss the boss off and get fired, maybe I'll get hit by another car and go paralyzed and lose the ability to even try to end this game. I'm just so tired of worrying.
