Help Should i care?

[mmmattisss]

CTB tonight. i have a 9mm ready, the only thing that was holding me back last night was that my 10-year-old sister and 13-year-old cousin were the only ones home. tonight, my 18-year-old brother and 13-year-old cousin are the only ones home. I think it's very likely that my cousin will end up finding me since I plan on doing it in a back path behind a bush in my backyard (not sure on how often he takes that path to the store, but I know he comes looking for me in my room often, which is why I'm not doing it there). no real adult will be home til Monday morning. It was supposed to just be my brother and me because he was supposed to leave this weekend, but he's still here, unfortunately. I'd feel really bad if i traumatized him, but i really have nowhere else to do it without being right in the open. i also don't want to wait too long, in fear of someone snooping through my room and finding the notes i left, or the very high chance this will be my only chance because i'm rarely ever home alone long enough to go into the safe. but at the same time i can't feel guilty when i'm dead. I don't want to walk completely into the woods because i want to be found without causing any chaos. i want my death to be as simple as possible, without causing too much of a hassle. i don't care what happens to me, but i do not want to ruin younger people's lives in the process. but at the same time i don't know if i should really be caring about this shit

 

[memo]

I personally would avoid it for the time being if I knew there was a solid chance a kid would find me.

 

[happinessyay]

the age old conundrum. oh man i feel dis. im pro sui but i'll try dissuading you out of this one.

when i was i think 11, i walked in on my much older cousin hanging lifelessly in his room. it's been a decade and it still haunts me. every time i think about leaving, myself, it hurts so much. the guilt. am i going to leave the same influence that he left on me? everything is so unbearable, even then i just can't bring myself to possibly leave behind this stain. sorry for the nothingburger anecdote but ya here's my 2 cents.

whatever you choose, best of luck o7

 

[EndlessRage]

CTB tonight. i have a 9mm ready, the only thing that was holding me back last night was that my 10-year-old sister and 13-year-old cousin were the only ones home. tonight, my 18-year-old brother and 13-year-old cousin are the only ones home. I think it's very likely that my cousin will end up finding me since I plan on doing it in a back path behind a bush in my backyard (not sure on how often he takes that path to the store, but I know he comes looking for me in my room often, which is why I'm not doing it there). no real adult will be home til Monday morning. It was supposed to just be my brother and me because he was supposed to leave this weekend, but he's still here, unfortunately. I'd feel really bad if i traumatized him, but i really have nowhere else to do it without being right in the open. i also don't want to wait too long, in fear of someone snooping through my room and finding the notes i left, or the very high chance this will be my only chance because i'm rarely ever home alone long enough to go into the safe. but at the same time i can't feel guilty when i'm dead. I don't want to walk completely into the woods because i want to be found without causing any chaos. i want my death to be as simple as possible, without causing too much of a hassle. i don't care what happens to me, but i do not want to ruin younger people's lives in the process. but at the same time i don't know if i should really be caring about this shit

I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end when we are gone. If you truly feel like you're ready, do not let these things come in your way or bother you because in the end, all your pain will end and the problems of this world will no longer be your concern. I also understand that you don't want to traumatize them or anything, but this is what you want to do so the choices and cards are up to you friend. You won't really feel anything once you depart from this world.

 

[mmmattisss]

I personally would avoid it for the time being if I knew there was a solid chance a kid would find me.

i did, he left. and my grandmas back at the hospital with my grandpa so thankfully i do have another chance

the age old conundrum. oh man i feel dis. im pro sui but i'll try dissuading you out of this one.

when i was i think 11, i walked in on my much older cousin hanging lifelessly in his room. it's been a decade and it still haunts me. every time i think about leaving, myself, it hurts so much. the guilt. am i going to leave the same influence that he left on me? everything is so unbearable, even then i just can't bring myself to possibly leave behind this stain. sorry for the nothingburger anecdote but ya here's my 2 cents.

whatever you choose, best of luck o7

i chose not to do and by the grace of god hes gone for tonight. thank you

I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end when we are gone. If you truly feel like you're ready, do not let these things come in your way or bother you because in the end, all your pain will end and the problems of this world will no longer be your concern. I also understand that you don't want to traumatize them or anything, but this is what you want to do so the choices and cards are up to you friend. You won't really feel anything once you depart from this world.

i thought about this a lot. but my empathy got the best of me of course XD

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

This might not be appropriate for the situation, but just a question- how'd you get the firearm? I'm not exactly of the age of which I can buy one, but I do live in the U.S. which makes it significantly easier. And congrats, mate! Hope you find your peace.

 

[mmmattisss]

This might not be appropriate for the situation, but just a question- how'd you get the firearm? I'm not exactly of the age of which I can buy one, but I do live in the U.S. which makes it significantly easier. And congrats, mate! Hope you find your peace.

before my grandpa had a stroke he loved hunting, we have a bunch sitting in our garage and just around the house in general, but my grandma showed me one that was in her dresser drawer. told me it wasn't loaded but it is (i checked), so thats what i'm using. on top of that i'm freshly 18 so i could just buy one. depending on your states rules you can buy one with a background check and some other stuff

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

before my grandpa had a stroke he loved hunting, we have a bunch sitting in our garage and just around the house in general, but my grandma showed me one that was in her dresser drawer. told me it wasn't loaded but it is (i checked), so thats what i'm using. on top of that i'm freshly 18 so i could just buy one. depending on your states rules you can buy one with a background check and some other stuff

Huh, alright, thanks, mate. Been looking at a couple stores around me, but I don't think I'd be able to get one. Too young to even forge an id, but thanks!

 

[volo]

If u find yourself in this situation again with a bunch of kids around, it'd be probably better to do it in the woods. Perhaps you can add that to your messages left in your room, just before you leave, but somewhere more hidden, bottom of a drawer or something, so it is not immediately findable and gives you some time.
Hope things work out for you for the best.

 

[mmmattisss]

before my grandpa had a stroke he loved hunting, we have a bunch sitting in our garage and just around the house in general, but my grandma showed me one that was in her dresser drawer. told me it wasn't loaded but it is (i checked), so thats what i'm using. on top of that i'm freshly 18 so i could just buy one. depending on your states rules you can buy one with a background check and some other stuff

Huh, alright, thanks, mate. Been looking at a couple stores around me, but I don't think I'd be able to get one. Too young to even forge an id, but thanks!

you should look in the forum for more available methods for yourself, look at methods others have tired and stuff. best of luck to you in whatever you choose aswell

If u find yourself in this situation again with a bunch of kids around, it'd be probably better to do it in the woods. Perhaps you can add that to your messages left in your room, just before you leave, but somewhere more hidden, bottom of a drawer or something, so it is not immediately findable and gives you some time.
Hope things work out for you for the best.

i probably won't find myself in that situation again considering my circumstances tonight lol

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

you should look in the forum for more available methods for yourself, look at methods others have tired and stuff. best of luck to you in whatever you choose aswell

Thanks a lot, m8! Wishing you courage and peace for tonight, best of luck!