Help Should i care?

[mmmattisss]

CTB tonight. i have a 9mm ready, the only thing that was holding me back last night was that my 10-year-old sister and 13-year-old cousin were the only ones home. tonight, my 18-year-old brother and 13-year-old cousin are the only ones home. I think it's very likely that my cousin will end up finding me since I plan on doing it in a back path behind a bush in my backyard (not sure on how often he takes that path to the store, but I know he comes looking for me in my room often, which is why I'm not doing it there). no real adult will be home til Monday morning. It was supposed to just be my brother and me because he was supposed to leave this weekend, but he's still here, unfortunately. I'd feel really bad if i traumatized him, but i really have nowhere else to do it without being right in the open. i also don't want to wait too long, in fear of someone snooping through my room and finding the notes i left, or the very high chance this will be my only chance because i'm rarely ever home alone long enough to go into the safe. but at the same time i can't feel guilty when i'm dead. I don't want to walk completely into the woods because i want to be found without causing any chaos. i want my death to be as simple as possible, without causing too much of a hassle. i don't care what happens to me, but i do not want to ruin younger people's lives in the process. but at the same time i don't know if i should really be caring about this shit

 

[memo]

I personally would avoid it for the time being if I knew there was a solid chance a kid would find me.

 

[happinessyay]

the age old conundrum. oh man i feel dis. im pro sui but i'll try dissuading you out of this one.

when i was i think 11, i walked in on my much older cousin hanging lifelessly in his room. it's been a decade and it still haunts me. every time i think about leaving, myself, it hurts so much. the guilt. am i going to leave the same influence that he left on me? everything is so unbearable, even then i just can't bring myself to possibly leave behind this stain. sorry for the nothingburger anecdote but ya here's my 2 cents.

whatever you choose, best of luck o7

 

[EndlessRage]

CTB tonight. i have a 9mm ready, the only thing that was holding me back last night was that my 10-year-old sister and 13-year-old cousin were the only ones home. tonight, my 18-year-old brother and 13-year-old cousin are the only ones home. I think it's very likely that my cousin will end up finding me since I plan on doing it in a back path behind a bush in my backyard (not sure on how often he takes that path to the store, but I know he comes looking for me in my room often, which is why I'm not doing it there). no real adult will be home til Monday morning. It was supposed to just be my brother and me because he was supposed to leave this weekend, but he's still here, unfortunately. I'd feel really bad if i traumatized him, but i really have nowhere else to do it without being right in the open. i also don't want to wait too long, in fear of someone snooping through my room and finding the notes i left, or the very high chance this will be my only chance because i'm rarely ever home alone long enough to go into the safe. but at the same time i can't feel guilty when i'm dead. I don't want to walk completely into the woods because i want to be found without causing any chaos. i want my death to be as simple as possible, without causing too much of a hassle. i don't care what happens to me, but i do not want to ruin younger people's lives in the process. but at the same time i don't know if i should really be caring about this shit

I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end when we are gone. If you truly feel like you're ready, do not let these things come in your way or bother you because in the end, all your pain will end and the problems of this world will no longer be your concern. I also understand that you don't want to traumatize them or anything, but this is what you want to do so the choices and cards are up to you friend. You won't really feel anything once you depart from this world.