marcusuk63
CTB
- Mar 24, 2019
- 1,735
-
Hey Guest,
If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations
SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
Our boy got us Alexa, aka the DOT for Christmas and I refuse to plug the bugger in to the horror of my partner. When I explained to her how it is possible to activate it without knowing and that it can record things as well, she told me to put it back in the box!! When we go to our sons place she is always asking if Alexa is turned on and I wind her up telling her to whisper as it might be recording and she does. So maybe having one has its advantages 
Trying to unistall Cortana in windows 10 is a real nightmare.
Trying to unistall Cortana in windows 10 is a real nightmare.
Subcutaneous chips with GPS, "Vital Statistics", and monetary credits for purchases.
LaBrava
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 265
Thanks to the thread starter for this thread, hope it has legs as the experiences and perspectives of us older folk (I'm 52) are obviously different to the youngsters here. So much I could say I guess. I've struggled with life throughout really, after a very bad childhood, and I feel at this stage that I just don't have anything left in the tank to pick myself up for the hundredth time. The job I used to do (public librarian) has disappeared in the UK under austerity, probably never to return, and now I'm stuck in minimum wage hell and just don't have the means to reinvent myself - I can do basic IT related stuff but not in the way that younger digital natives can, so I'm just out of date. My timing has been unlucky - just at the point where I was in any position to think about buying a home prices leapt beyond my means and stayed there, so I'll never have my own place now. I have years in a pension scheme but will probably never be in a decent one again and what I have probably won't pay for much of a retirement if i even could retire.
I feel sorry for younger folks as so much of what I got to experience the tail end of - free education, secure, decently paid employment etc- is now gone. It's hard to live in this world when you can still remember when things were better. In terms of culture, both pop culture and literature, art, cinema etc, I just feel totally alienated by how mediocre, dumb and empty everything is now. The phrase 'dumbing down' that was widely used in the 80s and 90s wouldn't even be understood now. Lowest common denominator music, TV and movies are just the norm now. Just some random thoughts after a lousy day at work, but I wanted to contribute to this thread and not let it drift by.
I feel sorry for younger folks as so much of what I got to experience the tail end of - free education, secure, decently paid employment etc- is now gone. It's hard to live in this world when you can still remember when things were better. In terms of culture, both pop culture and literature, art, cinema etc, I just feel totally alienated by how mediocre, dumb and empty everything is now. The phrase 'dumbing down' that was widely used in the 80s and 90s wouldn't even be understood now. Lowest common denominator music, TV and movies are just the norm now. Just some random thoughts after a lousy day at work, but I wanted to contribute to this thread and not let it drift by.
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My mom was in relatively good shape for her age. Caring for my dad, which must have been very burdensome, took a lot of energy and became a focus of her life. She wasn't a big woman, but she figured out ways to pull him out of his chair and put him into the shower and all that. Plus, she was a good cook and I'm sure that added several years to his life. But after my father passed, my mother was left with a big gaping hole in her life and, not unlike what often happens, she began to deteriorate. Over a period of a few years, I watched my mom deteriorate significantly. At one point, it was like she was visibly less capable from one month to another. And of course, eventually things get worse. In my mom's case, she fell and broke her hip; and then a blood clot from the hip replacement dislodged and relodged right over her heart. It was just one thing after another. Add to that the incontinence and depression and it's not much of a life.
I relate to what you are saying. I was much closer to my mother than my father. Losing her was tough, but I'm glad she is in a better place now. I know what you mean about how losing her is like losing my history and my connections and even my identity in a way. That and getting divorced around the same time frame and living alone just makes me feel purposeless.
I relate to what you are saying. I was much closer to my mother than my father. Losing her was tough, but I'm glad she is in a better place now. I know what you mean about how losing her is like losing my history and my connections and even my identity in a way. That and getting divorced around the same time frame and living alone just makes me feel purposeless.
marcusuk63
CTB
- Mar 24, 2019
- 1,735
Nice to meet you, LaBrava. Thanks for responding. Your post is totally relatable.
I feel badly for today's youth as well, as they are a generation out of context. They don't really seem to belong to the world or the world to them, being focused on digital distractions and consumerism. And of course this isn't a declaration against a whole generation, but the people with whom I have interacted view the world almost entirely through the "I" perspective without regard to family, community, etc. They don't know what they have missed. How exactly we failed them, I'm not sure, but clearly it is the older generations' responsibility to actually raise their children.
Maybe money is the root of all kinds of evil afterall.
I miss thought-provoking conversations. We talk about actors rather than plot intricacies. Appearance and branding reign.
I'm ranting tangentially. Sorry.
I sometimes look at it mathematically. I don't know if I am doing this just because it seems to give a pro-CTB answer. But here goes.
I've seen my parents age and die, so I know a little bit about my genetics and what can be expected. I think my unaffected life span would probably be about 90 years, plus or minus. It's well known that loneliness is a great killer and can age you years. There are reasons to think I could live a little longer--each generation has a slightly longer lifespan, I'm in reasonably OK health etc.; and there are reasons to think I could live a little shorter--the loneliness issue, I drink a bit too much, etc. If the next 20 years are truly and blissfully happy, I think I can live beyond 90. If they are miserable and lonely, I think I will not live to 90.
In either case, I expect my mind and body to start deteriorating at 80, and I expect this deterioration to accelerate at age 85. Whether I am alive or dead, by my mid-80's my life will likely be pretty much not be worth living. When my mom broke her hip, she went to a rehab center that was mostly elderly folks. What a depressing place. Old people just sitting and staring and waiting to die. There's no interest in life and no excitement and no pleasure to be garnered. A day in the life of an old person is basically sleep, wake up, eat something, sit around, go back to sleep, wake up, eat a little more, go back to sleep. There's no joy and no pleasure.
So, I figure if you look at the arc of life, 80 is a good time to go. Any time after that may well be a negative. Of course, some people are exceptions and they are able to live active, fruitful and engaged lives for much longer. But that's a rarity.
So, if I am pushing 60 soon, that means I've lived 75% of the good part of my chronological life as measured in years. If you measure it not in years but by other yardsticks--happiness, accomplishment, the sense of wonder over new things; or other tangible life events--graduating from high school, getting into college, your first girlfriend, your first job, your first promotion, your first business success, your first home, your first wife, second wife, first kid, second kid, watching my kid get into school and college and all that, then I've really lived 90% or more of my productive life. What's left?
My 24 yo is an adult and we have a fraught relationship since her mother poisoned her against me. I don't see her tending to me in my old age. My 13 yo it would be nice to see her grow to adulthood, but she will be fine with her mother. She will always be a lot closer with her mother and that's a lot of the reason why men need women--women keep the family together. Without women, men just drift off into loneliness.
I've seen my parents age and die, so I know a little bit about my genetics and what can be expected. I think my unaffected life span would probably be about 90 years, plus or minus. It's well known that loneliness is a great killer and can age you years. There are reasons to think I could live a little longer--each generation has a slightly longer lifespan, I'm in reasonably OK health etc.; and there are reasons to think I could live a little shorter--the loneliness issue, I drink a bit too much, etc. If the next 20 years are truly and blissfully happy, I think I can live beyond 90. If they are miserable and lonely, I think I will not live to 90.
In either case, I expect my mind and body to start deteriorating at 80, and I expect this deterioration to accelerate at age 85. Whether I am alive or dead, by my mid-80's my life will likely be pretty much not be worth living. When my mom broke her hip, she went to a rehab center that was mostly elderly folks. What a depressing place. Old people just sitting and staring and waiting to die. There's no interest in life and no excitement and no pleasure to be garnered. A day in the life of an old person is basically sleep, wake up, eat something, sit around, go back to sleep, wake up, eat a little more, go back to sleep. There's no joy and no pleasure.
So, I figure if you look at the arc of life, 80 is a good time to go. Any time after that may well be a negative. Of course, some people are exceptions and they are able to live active, fruitful and engaged lives for much longer. But that's a rarity.
So, if I am pushing 60 soon, that means I've lived 75% of the good part of my chronological life as measured in years. If you measure it not in years but by other yardsticks--happiness, accomplishment, the sense of wonder over new things; or other tangible life events--graduating from high school, getting into college, your first girlfriend, your first job, your first promotion, your first business success, your first home, your first wife, second wife, first kid, second kid, watching my kid get into school and college and all that, then I've really lived 90% or more of my productive life. What's left?
My 24 yo is an adult and we have a fraught relationship since her mother poisoned her against me. I don't see her tending to me in my old age. My 13 yo it would be nice to see her grow to adulthood, but she will be fine with her mother. She will always be a lot closer with her mother and that's a lot of the reason why men need women--women keep the family together. Without women, men just drift off into loneliness.
Of course, marriage can be isolating and purposeless as well.
You know what I'd love (for a season). Dorm life! No real cooking. No house or apartment to upkeep. Just a room.
Agreed as to dorm life. I have a recurring dream in which I go back to college as an older person. It is a nice dream. Makes me feel warm and good.
@Aliaiactaest So glad I'm not the only one doing the age projections. One taps me out in 5 years (because of my previous suicide attempt) while another gives me about 15 years or so. My mother is estimated at 10, my husband a little more than that.
These are not years I want.
My genetics are more closely related to my mother's mother (which isn't such good news for me).
Somehow, I think if there was a real community, we'd have a better outlook and lifestyle.
Maybe we should start a cult. Which one of us would make a good cult leader?
These are not years I want.
My genetics are more closely related to my mother's mother (which isn't such good news for me).
Somehow, I think if there was a real community, we'd have a better outlook and lifestyle.
Maybe we should start a cult. Which one of us would make a good cult leader?
WaterUnder, we're on the same page. I wouldn't use the word cult though. Tribe is a better word. I am an introvert and I like a certain amount of solitude. But I realize that what's different now is that I don't have a sense of tribe. I need a sense of tribe.
Because they have endured for so long doesn't mean they can continue enduring. In the USA
- the highest rate of suicide is 45-54. The next highest is 85+. The next highest is 55-64.
- men from 50-59 show the biggest increase in suicide rates.
- women's suicidal rates increase with age, with the largest increase in those 60-64.
Tribe. Literally the word I used on a different website. (Do you know me from a different forum?)
I'm not sure those stats jive with what I've seen elsewhere (and I'm too tired and apathetic to look it up), but personally, I'm looking forward to being one of these statistics.
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Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Agree 100% innovation and originality is pretty much non existent, remakes of remakes! I grew out of the Hollywood formulaic gung-ho macho bullshit movies long ago.
I always say that imitation is easy, innovation is difficult.
I used to be a PC geek, now there's days when I curse it, I still still use Windows 7 on my ten year old PC, it does what I want it to do so why change it.
I think Berners-Lee opened Pandoras box when he gave the world the internet.
Not that I am aware of and I doubt it. But we are evidently on the same page.
@WaterUnder... how old are you? Where are you from? How long have you been married? Kids? No kids? etc.
I'm not a fan of giving identifiers, as I am terrified of an "intervention". If you'll indulge my paranoia, I am between 55 & 59 years of age, no children, married monotonously (or is that monogamously?) for over 20 years. I'm on the east coast of the USA.
Oh, and I have all my original parts, including teeth, minus tonsils.
It may have been a hoax, but I saw some videos where Alexa started laughing evily, refused to obey commands, or turned on lights for no reason. Sounds like a hoax, but, it made me think of AI and the kinds of things that are being learned from listening to the nonstop violent crap that's on television.Our boy got us Alexa, aka the DOT for Christmas and I refuse to plug the bugger in to the horror of my partner. When I explained to her how it is possible to activate it without knowing and that it can record things as well, she told me to put it back in the box!! When we go to our sons place she is always asking if Alexa is turned on and I wind her up telling her to whisper as it might be recording and she does. So maybe having one has its advantages
Trying to unistall Cortana in windows 10 is a real nightmare.
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been_there
Life cares only for itself.
- Jun 5, 2019
- 297
Suicide rates for men our age are terrible and indicative of society's increasingly uncaring nature. Which is mostly due to politicians serving corporations rather than people. With financial inequality as it is, the US health system, UK austerity, surveillance capitalism, the rise of the 'populist' right and so on, it won't get any better. Multinationals asset strip entire countries, aided by politicians, and put little back in. $20-30 trillion offshore.
While governments are ignoring this and instead demonizing and attacking the sick, poor, disadvantaged and disabled, they encourage society itself to violence. Either in desperation at our own hand, or by those who bully and oppress in imitation.
Critical thinking isn't taught for a reason, most believe in the meritocracy myth and try to climb a ladder that ends one rung above where they started. Meanwhile, the media ignore the big picture and instead divide people further with identity politics and propaganda.
Look at the supposed democracies: Trump, May / Johnson, Macron, Putin, Xi. The world won't become more caring anytime soon, productivity and profit only. No progress, just different statistics.
Its illustrated by the experiences on this site. Yeah, lets reduce suicide, without actually addressing the reasons to ctb. Housing, welfare, employment, divorce & children, bullying, violence, poverty. Mental health awareness is fine in theory, but stigma, discrimination and what-is-expected-of-men are the same as they ever were. Which is why men don't talk about it, which is why men walk away from their children, which is why so many men of our age give up and ctb.
SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
Suicide is the biggest killer of men below the age of 25 in the UK! That is a shocking statistic. It means that we lose a male below the age of 25 every 3 hrs if my memory serves. If that does not indicate to the decision makers that the system is failing both young and old, then what will? But hey, lets ignore that, we have a 30 minute news slot to fill, lets concentrate on who the next leader of the conservative party will be. Fuck that, who cares?
Rant over, soap box put away
Rant over, soap box put away
LaBrava
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 265
All of this post is so on point and accurate but this part in particular. What particularly angers me as someone on the left is that the societal pressures that exist for women are talked about often but the societal expectations for men almost never and all we hear about these days is 'male privilege'.
I think suicide is the biggest killer of men up to around 45. And all that gets talked about is that 'men won't talk about their problems and think they have to be stoical'. Well they don't enforce those ideas on themselves, they come from society. And talking about your problems, if they are systemic and economic, for example, doesn't solve them.Suicide is the biggest killer of men below the age of 25 in the UK! That is a shocking statistic. It means that we lose a male below the age of 25 every 3 hrs if my memory serves. If that does not indicate to the decision makers that the system is failing both young and old, then what will? But hey, lets ignore that, we have a 30 minute news slot to fill, lets concentrate on who the next leader of the conservative party will be. Fuck that, who cares?
Rant over, soap box put away
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We lose our sense of humanity, lose our compassion with all of these division lines we draw. Whose pain is being acknowledged and whose ignored? I wish we could just see and hear one another, you know?
SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
All will be well because we now have royalty in on the discussion and when they get involved we know how rapidly things change
LaBrava
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 265
Just doesn't seem to be the way of humanity. Clearly both men and women can have particular struggles in life, as one sees from the stories on here. But in the polarised world of today it seems to be either be a feminist or an MRA, you can only pick one side.
"MRA" is what?
And feminism doesn't exclude humanism, it's misunderstood for all the reasons cited above.
Never mind, I looked it up.
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GinaIsReady
Exit Strategist
- Mar 29, 2019
- 995
Speaking only for myself, I am just so tired of enduring all the bullshit and abuse in this world. Thanks for posting those stats.
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LaBrava
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 265
Further to my previous post just want to say that I have an interest in problems facing men, and particularly the older ones, predictably because I am a man so they've applied to me - obviously women have their own set of troubles which I'm sure weigh as heavy in their own ways. I really don't want to have taken this interesting thread down some tangent about men's issues - although there do seem to be a few older males here who have similar issues and experiences, and I've seen a few news stories about a suicide spike among men in their 50s, which doesn't surprise me.
Tangents are often good things. I just don't like when we are made to feel (by the media or social media) that the promotion of anyone's human rights (gender, age, race, religion) comes at the exclusion of others'. It should never be a battle against, but a battle together toward.... So I truly welcome the discussion. I'd love to know how you (and others here) feel demeaned or overlooked. We're all in this together. Bring it on, LaBrava! Let's hear it!
LaBrava
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 265
Mostly tired and burnt out with discussing and rehashing all that stuff online, that's why I'm here...
SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
Translation: a few older males,
meaning: Cantankerous old bastards
There is only so many times you can tell your story before its just tiresome/a chore.
meaning: Cantankerous old bastards
There is only so many times you can tell your story before its just tiresome/a chore.
LaBrava
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 265
Reading about the experiences of other oldsters on here and being able to relate has been really valuable for me, and this is a place to vent and complain about our lot after all. However, I would literally rather CTB this minute than have another exhausting online debate about whether men or women have it worse or who has privilege or whatever. Really done with all that.Translation: a few older males,
meaning: Cantankerous old bastards
There is only so many times you can tell your story before its just tiresome/a chore.
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