Venting self harm audience

[Ima-username]

i used to be in self harm groups. groups they talked about hurting and abusing torture i used to sh for them... now im out everything lives rent free in my head and it get worse and worse. people ask if i hear voices but wtf does that mean. to me its like having every thought at once not able to identify a single one and sh helps me cope. its kinda best to explain it as screaming in my head but thats not accurate. sh kinda wakes me up not in a sleepy way but to remember and be aware of whats going on i sh to feel normal at times. now all this trauma gets used against me bc i would seek out abusive people and relationships and stuff.
idk how to cope ctb is just the only answer but my stuff got stolen

either i sh, talk about abuse or i end up on the floor in a hot sweat trying not to be sick with racing thoughts.

sorry for the rant but what do u think. i just wanna be free

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

While I've never done SH for an audience, participating in SH felt oddly cathartic and very satisfying. I've never really experienced anything else like it since