Random thoughts

[Arrow]

He had a horrible life. If I could go back and abort every tormented genius that ever lived, I would do it, despite then having to forgo enjoying their works.

oh ok, didn't know he had a shitty life, that's sad.

 

[FusRohDracarys]

It feels like I'm living the same day over again. If this was TV, this would be the part where I do something insane to prove there are no consequences for my actions because everything resets the next morning.

I dreamt I was riding a motorcycle down the highway. I wasn't wearing a helmet and I lost control of the vehicle and my head snapped off and I died. And then I woke up in bed again. How do I know it was a dream? How do I know this is real? It all feels real. And yet I presume to know the difference between dreaming and waking. The motorcycle felt real under my body weight. I felt the panic as I lost control. I felt the vertigo and pit in my stomach as I flipped. I heard the crunch of metal. I remember the heat of the sun. And it was all just a dream. How do I know these cold walls are real? I hear the sounds of the highway are real? If I die here will I just wake up again? The thought is terrifying. I just can't seem to find the will to get out of bed today. Why bother?

 

[ReverendGreen]

coffee withdrawal sucks

 

[waived]

You know when you want to play your music really loud through earbuds/headphones but there's people around you and you don't want them to think that you're insane.

 

[xalltoowell]

I haven't had a meaningful conversation in years.

 

[Lorntroubles]

I don't deserve to keep feeling this way...

 

[Epsilon0]

coffee withdrawal sucks

At least that's one problem I'll never have because I will drink coffee till the die I day.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Why would one stop drinking coffee? Are you out of your mind?

 

[Epsilon0]

Why would one stop drinking coffee? Are you out of your mind?

The short answer to that question is: yes.

The long answer is: I am not sure the question was addressed to me, but I am quite out of my mind, and so I answer questions whether they are addressed to me or not.

 

[GoBack]

One might stoplf they have insomnia, but it helps to keep going during the day. Vicious circle

 

[a.n.kirillov]

One might stoplf they have insomnia, but it helps to keep going during the day. Vicious circle

Mh I have insomnia to an extent but since I'm addicted to coffee it does not hinder my sleep. What hinders my sleep isn't stimulants, but depressants (and the withdrawal effects of them).

 

[GoBack]

Same here. Can't sleep without them, sleep with them is broken and full of weird psycho dreams that give me panic attacks when I wake up, so need more then. It's a wonderful life

 

[Epsilon0]

I want to die so badly. I am so tired of the pain. The last three years have been unbearable. And I have miles to go before I can rest...

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Random

This one time, when I was really at the end of my wits, I challenged god to send me a sign that he exists. On that day of desperation some random dude looking like Jesus approached me at the ocean, in a sketchy part of the harbour of Lisbon and offered to spend the evening with me – I was alone and on a backpacking trip. The day before I was so wrought with panic that I spent the whole morning locked into the stall of the hostel I was staying at, vomitting from the anxiety; I really thought this was it, I will be committed to the psych ward in a foreign country – I even called my mom, I was so out of it.

So later, after several glasses of port, I wandered around Lisbon at night, challenging god in my thoughts to reveal himself. I had never done that, but I was being serious Just as I sat down on the dark steps of the harbour, this dude approached me from behind. At first I thought he wanted to stir something up. I only saw his sbshadow, and he told me straight away to come with him and his friends to the other side of town "to party", which is obviously shady af. But then he walked around me and I saw that it was just some random jesus type looking dude. He told me he saw how sad I looked, how everything will be alright, that we are all one consciousness and so on and insisted on all of his friends shaking my hand and introducing themselves to me. The friends were visibly uncomfortable, but the Jesus dude was on a mission to make my day better, so they played along.

Of course my rational mind immediately told me this isn't sufficient, because it was nothing supernatural.

 

[Epsilon0]

Random

This one time, when I was really at the end of my wits, I challenged god to send me a sign that he exists. On that day of desperation some random dude looking like Jesus approached me at the ocean, in a sketchy part of the harbour of Lisbon and offered to spend the evening with me – I was alone and on a backpacking trip. The day before I was so wrought with panic that I spend the whole morning locked into the stall of the hostel I was staying at, vomitting from the anxiety; I really thought this was it, I will be committed to the psych ward in a foreign country – I even called my mom, I was so out of it.

So later, after several glasses of port, I wandered around Lisbon at night, challenging god in my thoughts to reveal himself. I had never done that, but I was being serious Just as I sat down on the dark steps of the harbour, this dude approached me from behind. At first I thought he wanted to stir something up. I only saw his sbshadow, and he told me straight away to come with him and his friends to the other side of town "to party", which is obviously shady af. But then he walked around me and I saw that it was just some random jesus type looking dude. He told me he saw how sad I looked, how everything will be alright, that we are all one consciousness and so on and insisted on all of his friends shaking my hand and introducing themselves to me. The friends were visibly uncomfortable, but the Jesus dude was on a mission to make my day better, so they played along.

Of course my rational mind immediately told me this isn't sufficient, because it was nothing supernatural.

I've called upon god in the same manner, but my calling was always half-hearted because I am an atheist through and through. So, I never received any sign from above, like a light or the touch of an angel. And even if I had, I would probably have thought I had had a stroke.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I've called upon god in the same manner, but my calling was always half-hearted because I am an atheist through and through. So, I never received any sign from above, like a light or the touch of an angel. And even if I had, I would probably have thought I had had a stroke.

Hehe...

He will probably only reveal himself to you if you already believe that he exists. Pretty stupid marketing strategy if you ask me.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

So, I never received any sign from above, like a light or the touch of an angel. And even if I had, I would probably have thought I had had a stroke.

That last bit made me laugh so hard! The only truly deep experiences I've had like that were induced by psychonauts or hallucinogens.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

That last bit made me laugh so hard! The only truly deep experiences I've had like that were induced by psychonauts or hallucinogens.

Hey! ... Were you on vacation in Lisbon in 2018 and possibly on psychedelics?

 

[Epsilon0]

That last bit made me laugh so hard! The only truly deep experiences I've had like that were induced by psychonauts or hallucinogens.

I'm glad my miserable existence makes you laugh. I'll try to do that more often for you @Brick In The Wall

It's nice to know at least someone gets something out my wasting resources and air on this planet.

Yaaay! Don't you just love my joie de vivre?

Hey! ... Were you on vacation in Lisbon in 2018 and possibly on psychedelics?

Imagine if @Brick In The Wall was Jesus in your story... Now THAT would make me believe in god.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Hey! ... Were you on vacation in Lisbon in 2018 and possibly on psychedelics?

I can't say that I was, although I've found myself in precarious situations and or locations because of it. I feel like there's a cool story here though.

 

[RM5998]

Last time I attempted to CTB, I prayed to God for help with coming to terms with dying.

But nobody came.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Last time I attempted to CTB, I prayed to God for help with coming to terms with dying.

But nobody came.

Well you survived, so there's that. God works in mysterious ways?

 

[RM5998]

Well you survived, so there's that. God works in mysterious ways?

Yeah, I guess there was a gross miscommunication somewhere. I hope he comes around next time, I could use some help. To be a bit less scared.

 

[waived]

Has anyone experienced the thrill of deliberately entering into an already ongoing social situation for the first time in a while and it goes excellent, but there's a ridiculously appropriate social-happening soundtrack that begins playing nearby during it, where it gets to the point where you're making a genuine effort to read everyone's faces to see if anyone else notices the soundtrack but then you become convinced that some do and that they appear uncomfortable.

 

[GoBack]

Thers no rock bottom. Just an abyss

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Confession: I often wish my father would die, to spare him the grief of seeing me fail in life, or die by suicide.

 

[SpareWheel]

Ever since being a kid whenever I'm walking near a fence that's high up - say in a mall or something, or the top of a parking tower, I have visions of having some weird spasm and ending up going over the edge.

I still get it now, like I imagine I'll have some random fit that makes me go over the side. People could always tell when I was thinking it too cos I'd grab hold of something and/or get dizzy.

When Bjork released Hyperballad it was like an anthem, minus throwing cutlery and bottles off.

 

[Remember to forget]

I've called upon god in the same manner, but my calling was always half-hearted because I am an atheist through and through. So, I never received any sign from above, like a light or the touch of an angel. And even if I had, I would probably have thought I had had a stroke.

You just made me smile. I was going to moan about my shitty day but not now.
I went through a stage of asking God to make sure I didn't wake up for about a month, he didn't listen to a damn word I said so got bored asking. I'm an atheist as well so maybe he twigged I was an imposter.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

You just made me smile. I was going to moan about my shitty day but not now.
I went through a stage of asking God to make sure I didn't wake up for about a month, he didn't listen to a damn word I said so got bored asking. I'm an atheist as well so maybe he twigged I was an imposter.

Hes a pro-lifer after all.

This reminds me of the burial of my grandfather. He was an outspoken atheist, so he was buried in a river. We were all on a boat, and the dude who organized the event encouraged us to write a last message for him on a stone and then throw it into the water after the urn with his ashes was sunken.

I wrote: "If, unfortunately for you, god does exist: greetings to hell and put in a good word for me." :-)
.
I actually wrote it on two stones and kept one, I was so pleased with myself.

Ever since being a kid whenever I'm walking near a fence that's high up - say in a mall or something, or the top of a parking tower, I have visions of having some weird spasm and ending up going over the edge.

I still get it now, like I imagine I'll have some random fit that makes me go over the side. People could always tell when I was thinking it too cos I'd grab hold of something and/or get dizzy.

When Bjork released Hyperballad it was like an anthem, minus throwing cutlery and bottles off.

Experiencing this is probably not fun for you at all, so I apologize – but this made me laugh so hard.

I imagined a really high fence, and you, in an epileptic seizure, gliding up and over the fence.

The way you worded this was perfect

 

[RileyTanaka]

Rifed today for blastocystic hominis, candidiasis, molds and fungus, toxoplasmosis, nerve regeneration, metal detox, and immune boost. No noticeable difference, but also no side effects. Spritz of lemon in carbonated mineral water is not a bad way to finish.