I don't know what to do. I can't keep going like this. Every time, i end up more alone than I thought I was. No matter what anyone says, I have seen proof of these horrible things about myself. I am destined to be alone, or maybe destined isn't the right word, perhaps predisposed, forced, yada yada, something. I hate myself. I'm ugly, everyone knows it, everyone lies to me. I'm stupid, I can't do anything right, talk to anyone right, mistake after mistake and not all of them harmless. People know I cut myself now, people know I'm suicidal now, now I can't talk to anybody, I don't have anybody.
Whenever I walk back to my dorm room, I see how tall this building is, this beautiful building with a skybridge, and it's perfect. I don't think anyone could survive a fall from that, and with my music playing in my ears I imagine how graceful it would be, how peaceful, just closing my eyes, tilting my head forward, knowing things will finally be okay, everything will finally go away as long as I land head first so there's no pain. I want to cut myself again but I only really like doing it on my arms and that's how I was caught last time, I can't even do that, I am up against a wall, forced, trapped, all the time. I can't do anything.
I know this post doesn't matter, it probably doesn't even make sense, probably no one will see it, but it's really the only place I can even remotely talk about these things... I just can't do it anymore. I just wish that building wasn't so public, people don't deserve to see my body unless they want to, maybe some could get a laugh out of it or fulfill some deadly curiosity, I'd be okay with that if it helps them. But those who don't wish to see that, who could be traumatized, who might be more likely themselves I don't want to be forced upon that. But idk, maybe I could get some people out of class or a free A. I don't have a plan yet but I think I'll start building one, just in case, one no one will ever know about, one I will constantly lie about, because the truth brings nothing but pain and one step closer to the edge.
Thank you for reading if you did
Whenever I walk back to my dorm room, I see how tall this building is, this beautiful building with a skybridge, and it's perfect. I don't think anyone could survive a fall from that, and with my music playing in my ears I imagine how graceful it would be, how peaceful, just closing my eyes, tilting my head forward, knowing things will finally be okay, everything will finally go away as long as I land head first so there's no pain. I want to cut myself again but I only really like doing it on my arms and that's how I was caught last time, I can't even do that, I am up against a wall, forced, trapped, all the time. I can't do anything.
I know this post doesn't matter, it probably doesn't even make sense, probably no one will see it, but it's really the only place I can even remotely talk about these things... I just can't do it anymore. I just wish that building wasn't so public, people don't deserve to see my body unless they want to, maybe some could get a laugh out of it or fulfill some deadly curiosity, I'd be okay with that if it helps them. But those who don't wish to see that, who could be traumatized, who might be more likely themselves I don't want to be forced upon that. But idk, maybe I could get some people out of class or a free A. I don't have a plan yet but I think I'll start building one, just in case, one no one will ever know about, one I will constantly lie about, because the truth brings nothing but pain and one step closer to the edge.
Thank you for reading if you did
