pleaseletmeleavethisworld

[BrighterMoon]

I don't know what to do. I can't keep going like this. Every time, i end up more alone than I thought I was. No matter what anyone says, I have seen proof of these horrible things about myself. I am destined to be alone, or maybe destined isn't the right word, perhaps predisposed, forced, yada yada, something. I hate myself. I'm ugly, everyone knows it, everyone lies to me. I'm stupid, I can't do anything right, talk to anyone right, mistake after mistake and not all of them harmless. People know I cut myself now, people know I'm suicidal now, now I can't talk to anybody, I don't have anybody.

Whenever I walk back to my dorm room, I see how tall this building is, this beautiful building with a skybridge, and it's perfect. I don't think anyone could survive a fall from that, and with my music playing in my ears I imagine how graceful it would be, how peaceful, just closing my eyes, tilting my head forward, knowing things will finally be okay, everything will finally go away as long as I land head first so there's no pain. I want to cut myself again but I only really like doing it on my arms and that's how I was caught last time, I can't even do that, I am up against a wall, forced, trapped, all the time. I can't do anything.

I know this post doesn't matter, it probably doesn't even make sense, probably no one will see it, but it's really the only place I can even remotely talk about these things... I just can't do it anymore. I just wish that building wasn't so public, people don't deserve to see my body unless they want to, maybe some could get a laugh out of it or fulfill some deadly curiosity, I'd be okay with that if it helps them. But those who don't wish to see that, who could be traumatized, who might be more likely themselves I don't want to be forced upon that. But idk, maybe I could get some people out of class or a free A. I don't have a plan yet but I think I'll start building one, just in case, one no one will ever know about, one I will constantly lie about, because the truth brings nothing but pain and one step closer to the edge.

Thank you for reading if you did

 

[meowmentous]

I don't exactly know how to react with a hug yet like user LivingANDDying26 did, but I'm giving you a massive one

 

[getoutgirl]

I don't exactly know how to react with a hug yet like user LivingANDDying26 did, but I'm giving you a massive one

Bottom right corner of the post, hover over the like option, the emojis are there :)

I don't know what to do. I can't keep going like this. Every time, i end up more alone than I thought I was. No matter what anyone says, I have seen proof of these horrible things about myself. I am destined to be alone, or maybe destined isn't the right word, perhaps predisposed, forced, yada yada, something. I hate myself. I'm ugly, everyone knows it, everyone lies to me. I'm stupid, I can't do anything right, talk to anyone right, mistake after mistake and not all of them harmless. People know I cut myself now, people know I'm suicidal now, now I can't talk to anybody, I don't have anybody.

Whenever I walk back to my dorm room, I see how tall this building is, this beautiful building with a skybridge, and it's perfect. I don't think anyone could survive a fall from that, and with my music playing in my ears I imagine how graceful it would be, how peaceful, just closing my eyes, tilting my head forward, knowing things will finally be okay, everything will finally go away as long as I land head first so there's no pain. I want to cut myself again but I only really like doing it on my arms and that's how I was caught last time, I can't even do that, I am up against a wall, forced, trapped, all the time. I can't do anything.

I know this post doesn't matter, it probably doesn't even make sense, probably no one will see it, but it's really the only place I can even remotely talk about these things... I just can't do it anymore. I just wish that building wasn't so public, people don't deserve to see my body unless they want to, maybe some could get a laugh out of it or fulfill some deadly curiosity, I'd be okay with that if it helps them. But those who don't wish to see that, who could be traumatized, who might be more likely themselves I don't want to be forced upon that. But idk, maybe I could get some people out of class or a free A. I don't have a plan yet but I think I'll start building one, just in case, one no one will ever know about, one I will constantly lie about, because the truth brings nothing but pain and one step closer to the edge.

Thank you for reading if you did

I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. Regardless of to what extent all that is true (I know I can't posibly know) what's certain is its causing you a lot of pain and for way longer than anyone deserves to. It's only normal if you feel exhausted by it, I feel you.
Everything you said made sense, Hell I related to a Lot of it. Been there, thought that. Doesn't make it any easier, but there is some warmth in relating to others.
It also speaks volumes of your character that, even when suffering so much that you are fantasizing about your own death, you are still worried about how that may affect others, how it may traumatize people you don't even know. That means you care, and have a good heart. Full stop. You might not believe that and that's ok, but that's that.

I think your post matters. I'm glad you can share and vent here if It makes it just a lil easier. There is little relief in the place you are right now, so hold on to anything. Thank you for letting this out. Lots of love your way <333

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to be gone, I just wish to be free from the suffering as well but anyway I hope you find peace, I wish you the best.

 

[BrighterMoon]

Bottom right corner of the post, hover over the like option, the emojis are there :)


I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. Regardless of to what extent all that is true (I know I can't posibly know) what's certain is its causing you a lot of pain and for way longer than anyone deserves to. It's only normal if you feel exhausted by it, I feel you.
Everything you said made sense, Hell I related to a Lot of it. Been there, thought that. Doesn't make it any easier, but there is some warmth in relating to others.
It also speaks volumes of your character that, even when suffering so much that you are fantasizing about your own death, you are still worried about how that may affect others, how it may traumatize people you don't even know. That means you care, and have a good heart. Full stop. You might not believe that and that's ok, but that's that.

I think your post matters. I'm glad you can share and vent here if It makes it just a lil easier. There is little relief in the place you are right now, so hold on to anything. Thank you for letting this out. Lots of love your way <333

Thank you... this made me cry. Thank you for thinking I have a good heart. I do care about people, that's one of the reasons I wanna go. I think I'll go more quietly, try to find something and go to a hotel or somewhere more isolated, but comfortable. I'm really glad you could relate to me. Thank you for responding. <3