ohsosleepy
Is that something I ought to do?
- Feb 9, 2026
- 31
i want to die so bad it hurts. slight exaggeration.
coming home and talking to my family has only changed the location i feel suicidal in. they assume i would start feeling better, me being home and acting like my usual self. being taken out of a more stressful environment gives me time to relax, but i still feel the same. i don't know how to tell them that i still want to kill myself about every single day. is there even a point in doing that though? i missed (or rather self sabotaged) my bus earlier and now i have to wait longer for the next opportunity. it would also be unnecessarily distressing for them.
the wait is awful. it's a little funny to me that the only thing i have to look forward to in life, is death.
i feel like having a more sure way out makes the thoughts worse. "how easy it would be to just do it right now." i'd be lying if i said it wasn't a little more distressing. more so because i can't take it now.
is it wrong to not want to get better? what do you even tell someone like that? someone who doesn't want to try in the slightest. someone who would rather sink deeper, hoping someday it kills them.
maybe a miracle will happen in the next two months i have to survive for. i severely doubt it, but who knows? until then i'll be fantasizing about how easy it would be for me to CTB now. i feel so pathetic.
coming home and talking to my family has only changed the location i feel suicidal in. they assume i would start feeling better, me being home and acting like my usual self. being taken out of a more stressful environment gives me time to relax, but i still feel the same. i don't know how to tell them that i still want to kill myself about every single day. is there even a point in doing that though? i missed (or rather self sabotaged) my bus earlier and now i have to wait longer for the next opportunity. it would also be unnecessarily distressing for them.
the wait is awful. it's a little funny to me that the only thing i have to look forward to in life, is death.
i feel like having a more sure way out makes the thoughts worse. "how easy it would be to just do it right now." i'd be lying if i said it wasn't a little more distressing. more so because i can't take it now.
is it wrong to not want to get better? what do you even tell someone like that? someone who doesn't want to try in the slightest. someone who would rather sink deeper, hoping someday it kills them.
maybe a miracle will happen in the next two months i have to survive for. i severely doubt it, but who knows? until then i'll be fantasizing about how easy it would be for me to CTB now. i feel so pathetic.
