Not depressed enough to be suicidal apparently

[StarFaded]

Lmaooo I come here like clockwork every month or so.

My partner has just scolded me again today, and accused me of being not depressed enough to be suicidal. He said because I've been playing so much video games (Baldur's Gate 3), getting passionate about a subject, making and talking to friends online, means I'm clearly delusional about myself and my head canon about me being depressed and suicidal as just delusional and lazy. I tried to tell him that I feel like I'm biding my time until I kill myself and he called bullshit on me.

He said he knows what TRUE depression is, that clinically depressed people cannot possibly feel joy or enjoyment, they always feel numb - because he's been there, in that mental space. So I clearly am just convinced that I'm built different, my ADHD and depression are basically delusions, I'm actually a normal person just a "lazy spoiled brat" expecting to do nothing and be taken care of.

FUCKING HELL WHY DIDNT I BUY SN FROM IC WHEN I HAD THE FUCKING CHANCE BEFORE?!!?!!!?!!! THIS IS LITERALLY THE BIGGEST REGRET OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[CantTurnBack]

That doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship to be involved in. I hope you are able to sort things out.

I also have self-diagnosed ADHD/depression (among other things), and can relate to being misunderstood. That feeling sucks!

 

[fwompie]

Lmaooo I come here like clockwork every month or so.

My partner has just scolded me again today, and accused me of being not depressed enough to be suicidal. He said because I've been playing so much video games (Baldur's Gate 3), getting passionate about a subject, making and talking to friends online, means I'm clearly delusional about myself and my head canon about me being depressed and suicidal as just delusional and lazy. I tried to tell him that I feel like I'm biding my time until I kill myself and he called bullshit on me.

He said he knows what TRUE depression is, that clinically depressed people cannot possibly feel joy or enjoyment, they always feel numb - because he's been there, in that mental space. So I clearly am just convinced that I'm built different, my ADHD and depression are basically delusions, I'm actually a normal person just a "lazy spoiled brat" expecting to do nothing and be taken care of.

FUCKING HELL WHY DIDNT I BUY SN FROM IC WHEN I HAD THE FUCKING CHANCE BEFORE?!!?!!!?!!! THIS IS LITERALLY THE BIGGEST REGRET OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're suicidal, you're suicidal. You don't even have to have depression to be suicidal, and not all people with depression are suicidal. He sounds like guilt tripping and invalidating you big time. You deserve respect when it comes to your feelings.

Just because he has an experience, doesn't mean that you don't have another one. I'm sorry you have to deal with this

 

[StarFaded]

If you're suicidal, you're suicidal. You don't even have to have depression to be suicidal, and not all people with depression are suicidal. He sounds like guilt tripping and invalidating you big time. You deserve respect when it comes to your feelings.

Just because he has an experience, doesn't mean that you don't have another one. I'm sorry you have to deal with this

I feel so trapped not having any SN or cleaner means of exit and it makes me feel like absolute fucking shit right now. Thank you for your empathy and understanding..... I hope I can leave this miserable existence soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it really insensitive how other people who cannot experience existence in the same way just invalidate suffering and I hate how it's so difficult to cease existing, it's so inhumane how suicide is purposely made so inaccessible. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you wish for.

 

[UKscotty]

Don't need to be depressed to want to CTB.

I don't consider myself as depressed. I work, goto the gym, have a good income etc and am generally pretty chilled.

Just I know life is pointless and we will all die anyway, so why mess about is my view.

 

[FailureToAll]

Depression is on a spectrum and just because his experience of it is different it doesn't make yours less valid. I am diagnosed with depression but like you I still enjoy games and talking to people sometimes as its a nice distraction but that doesn't mean i don't have other things that make me want to die. It seems like he's thinking in a very black and white way. Your feelings are valid and you are not lazy or delusional.

 

[squareminus1]

Lmaooo I come here like clockwork every month or so.

My partner has just scolded me again today, and accused me of being not depressed enough to be suicidal. He said because I've been playing so much video games (Baldur's Gate 3), getting passionate about a subject, making and talking to friends online, means I'm clearly delusional about myself and my head canon about me being depressed and suicidal as just delusional and lazy. I tried to tell him that I feel like I'm biding my time until I kill myself and he called bullshit on me.

He said he knows what TRUE depression is, that clinically depressed people cannot possibly feel joy or enjoyment, they always feel numb - because he's been there, in that mental space. So I clearly am just convinced that I'm built different, my ADHD and depression are basically delusions, I'm actually a normal person just a "lazy spoiled brat" expecting to do nothing and be taken care of.

FUCKING HELL WHY DIDNT I BUY SN FROM IC WHEN I HAD THE FUCKING CHANCE BEFORE?!!?!!!?!!! THIS IS LITERALLY THE BIGGEST REGRET OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your partner in my oppinion seems to have the deluzional mindset. I have suicidal idealation and I am pretty high functioning. I feel like I am sometimes living a bit of a double life like I go to work and uni and do my best to just focus reslly hard on stuff and not breakdown and then when I get home I breakdown. Not all symptoms of depression are present in all depressed people, your partner may need to recognise this if he wants to try support you.