no words or energy to find them anymore

[sincerelysad]

title says it all. im just so beyond tired. everything is so artificial, nothing matters more than finding a way to stop my torturous and endless suffering.

i just want to rest.

edit: i say these types of things and then i get so angry because i want to be able to scream about how i feel. i want to be able to talk about it in descriptive detail, because i can here.
but im so tired and it just feels pointless. who even cares anyway? im not special, im not important, im not different. im just another person.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are in such a dark place. On the one hand- yes- true- in the grand scheme of things, we are all just tiny specks of dust.

On the other though- we all carry an entire universe within us. The world would still be here without us of course but our each individual perception of it and our lives within it are utterly unique to us. It's also all we know and all we have. We've got pretty good at just surviving. Our experience/perception of life has become ALL important to us. Therefore- if our experience is bad- IT IS the end of the world for us. If things bother YOU- then they aren't trivial. If there's no simple way to fix them- of course you feel like screaming.

Do it- if it helps (maybe into a pillow or something.) Plus- even if it helps a little- use this place to vent. That's partly what it's here for... It might not fix anything of course but it might help a bit.

 

[sincerelysad]

On the other though- we all carry an entire universe within us. The world would still be here without us of course but our each individual perception of it and our lives within it are utterly unique to us. It's also all we know and all we have. We've got pretty good at just surviving. Our experience/perception of life has become ALL important to us. Therefore- if our experience is bad- IT IS the end of the world for us. If things bother YOU- then they aren't trivial. If there's no simple way to fix them- of course you feel like screaming.

the fact that you said this is really profound to me because i used to repeat a simpler, but very similar, mantra when i was deadest on recovery;
"without you, your life and the way you perceive the world would cease to exist."
and i always felt that it sounded kind of silly, but it did help. and it helped other people i've said it to as well.
even though exhausted with recovery, encountering that similarity is very comforting.

the way you validated my feelings also makes me feel even more comfortable on this site. i try not to minimize my problems because i know they can be severe, but it's hard not to feel embarrassed or ashamed of struggling. especially when the problems are always the same.

thank you <33

 

[Forever Sleep]

the fact that you said this is really profound to me because i used to repeat a simpler, but very similar, mantra when i was deadest on recovery;
"without you, your life and the way you perceive the world would cease to exist."
and i always felt that it sounded kind of silly, but it did help. and it helped other people i've said it to as well.
even though exhausted with recovery, encountering that similarity is very comforting.

the way you validated my feelings also makes me feel even more comfortable on this site. i try not to minimize my problems because i know they can be severe, but it's hard not to feel embarrassed or ashamed of struggling. especially when the problems are always the same.

thank you <33

You're very welcome. I'm sorry you are suffering so much.

I think we all have a tendancy to belittle our problems because that's what seems to be required of us- just carry on- no matter what. It was actually a close friend of mine that picked up on me saying my worries were 'silly'. It really heped me when they said- 'There's nothing silly about it if it is affecting you.'

I think we can do a great diservice to ourselves by just refusing to acknowledge that certain things bother us. Or- we feel ashamed over how we react or overreact to things. This same friend said it was important to allow ourselves to experience these emotions to the fullest- which I also agree with. I think repeatedly repressing stuff is bad in the long run.

Of course- wallowing in it all probably isn't great either! Which I am prone to do. Still- your emotions and reactions are just as important as everyone elses. So- acknowledge them and don't feel embarrassed.

Some problems are very difficult to solve as well. It may be tedious for people to keep hearing the same old thing. I get that too- I think parents especially feel like there needs to be a sollution to our problems. That either they or we need to strive for it- to get our lives 'back on track'. Still- it's not always possible- or easy.

If you don't feel like they want to listen anymore- then- make use of this place. I don't think there is such heavy pressure here to either get better or shut up about your problems... I think we all have a greater understanding of what a long and difficult road this is and that ultimately- we might not be willing to walk it. At least we can all be here for each other.

 

[sincerelysad]

If you don't feel like they want to listen anymore- then- make use of this place. I don't think there is such heavy pressure here to either get better or shut up about your problems... I think we all have a greater understanding of what a long and difficult road this is and that ultimately- we might not be willing to walk it. At least we can all be here for each other.

this part specifically is so important for me to hear. thank you so much for all the effort you put into responding to me <33

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable just wanting to rest. It really sounds so wonderful and ideal to me being completely unaware of this world and just being able to be at peace for all eternity. Existing certainly can be torture which is a reason as to why the thought of being dead comforts me so much. I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[ksp]

love this thread!