Im gonna ctb, its inevitable + my plan

[lonelyraven]

I just cant take it. Im disabled both mentally and physically because of the abuse I endured as a child. I have no family, they all hate me and want me dead. I feel like a burden on those who love me. I wont ever get better, not fully. All the professional in my life make it clear the damage from what happened isnt going to go away. Ive been through so much, Im so mangled up from what was done to me. Im in pain all the time and no one can do anything about it.
So Ive decided im gonna ctb, it its inevitable that I do it anyway and I just want it all to be over.
So im gonna take all the heart pressure pill have - metoprolol, I will take around 7.5 grams of it, then about 230mg of hydrocodone + 15 g of Acetaminophen. That combo should definitely stop my heart and let me go peacefully. I hope it will feel blissful and I can finally rest. If there's a heaven I think id make it with how much ive sacrificed for other people, but if there isnt and its just nothing, im okay with that too. But i guess we'll see. Ill post updates and say goodbye when I finally decide to follow through.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I'm in a similar situation as you. My parents are to blame for my chronic illnesses and bpd, and now I'll never truly be ok. I pray for your soul to find peace. You may think I'm delusional if you like but I like to believe there's at least a small bit of hope for almost everyone, no matter how unsaveable you think you may be. I hope you can see that for yourself, and possibly improve your life for the better. God bless you.

 

[TAW122]

I felt the same way too for many years, and in the last year or so, and even now, I feel it is an inevitability and more of a reality than anything.