Venting No clue what to do anymore.

[RedFruit]

This past Sunday, I went to my exes house unannounced to talk to him. We've been broken up for a couple of months but still saw each other periodically and we're trying to make things work or so I thought. He told me that he missed me and wanted to see me and he did not answer me for a few days prior to me going there so I thought I would just show up. He told me that he hung out with a woman over the weekend and I confronted him on it being a date to which he told me that it wasn't but he was laughing the entire time he said it so who really knows. He told me he was single and that he could do what he wanted and I guess it's true but I couldn't imagine going on a date right now. I have struggled so much without him in my life already when we took a break in the past and I know that I've never loved somebody as much as Ive loved him. He then told me that that that would be the last time that we would be seeing each other/speaking to each other. I admittedly started talking about how I wanted to kill myself and he ended up calling the police on me which really sucks because now I have a $5000 medical bill that I will be avoiding paying, but I shouldn't have to deal with that. Anyways, I am just so desperate for him to be back into my life, but he has already gotten into a relationship since that incident, it's so painful to me that he could just move on from me after I had a miscarriage with his baby. I know it's been a few months, but it still pains me and he said that it makes him sad sometimes too, but that he just needs to move on, and that I am the source of my own suffering. It doesn't feel like I'm the source of my own suffering. It feels like the suffering has been hoisted upon me and I can't escape. we had a lot of really shitty things happen in our relationship, but I just can't imagine finding somebody else who I genuinely clicked with so much. Someone that I found to be the most attractive person. Somebody that told me they wanted to marry me and told me they wanted to have children with me. It's so hard to go through with catching the bus. What else can I do? All I do is sit in bed and cry and suffer and feel like life is not going to get better. I don't want to suffer, but it doesn't matter what I do. Doesn't matter where I go. I'm always reminded of him and things from our relationship and Just so much BS that I don't know how to live anymore. Has anybody overcome something like this? I know people have but it really feels impossible. How do you mourn somebody that's still alive?
I have a premade noose that just needs to be tied to something. I really want to try ph but also want to hold on to that hope that maybe he will come around to loving me again, but I know I'm stupid.

 

[RedFruit]

Does anyone have any idea on how to release myself from this suffering? Is death the only way now?

 

[Hollowman]

I don't have any advice, just wanted you to know I read your thread. Good luck.

 

[puppyboy]

oh man, i'm in the same boat. my sweet girl and i were long distance, and even her after breaking up with me, she told me she'd wait for me. that she only had eyes for me. we had plans of getting married, moving in together, and i thought that i would spend the rest of my life with her. lo and behold, she's dating someone else and has completely pushed me to the side. it hurts, ive turned to drugs to numb the pain of betrayal and loneliness. how it made me feel unlovable.

my best advice to you is to try and live for yourself. get up and do things even if you're hurting. i spent many weeks bedrotting and crying, but it's so important to try and create some goals so you don't waste away. i was going to ctb just a few weeks ago, but i decided i'm gonna try to enlist into the military instead and give myself another chance at life. of course it doesn't have to be as drastic as that, but death doesn't have to be your last resort.

 

[LovesickLoser]

I'm sorry something so awful has happened to you. I'm in a similar situation myself but I haven't found any way through it for more than a year now. I became really close with my girlfriend who I met over the internet and despite having plans to come visit them they cut me off from their life completely due to an issue between a mutual friend. Then they reached out to me at the end of last year and we "got together" again, but before I could make good on my promise to see her she did it again, and I've just been living basically the same day over and over since.

All I can really give for advice is that for how overused and untrue of a statement "time heals all wounds" is, it is true that at the very least, with time, wounds turn to scars and your heart callouses as a survival mechanism. I can't say from my experience things will ever be okay again but the loss will become at least marginally easier to accept with time. I think finding love elsewhere would probably help start healing things but you have to be slow and careful about it. I myself been unsuccessful finding love elsewhere. Unfortunately she'll be my first and probably last love in this life before I ctb. Your ex doesn't have to be yours though if you have the will to eventually find love again and take things carefully.

Whatever happens, good luck.

 

[RedFruit]

oh man, i'm in the same boat. my sweet girl and i were long distance, and even her after breaking up with me, she told me she'd wait for me. that she only had eyes for me. we had plans of getting married, moving in together, and i thought that i would spend the rest of my life with her. lo and behold, she's dating someone else and has completely pushed me to the side. it hurts, ive turned to drugs to numb the pain of betrayal and loneliness. how it made me feel unlovable.

my best advice to you is to try and live for yourself. get up and do things even if you're hurting. i spent many weeks bedrotting and crying, but it's so important to try and create some goals so you don't waste away. i was going to ctb just a few weeks ago, but i decided i'm gonna try to enlist into the military instead and give myself another chance at life. of course it doesn't have to be as drastic as that, but death doesn't have to be your last resort.

I'm going to try my best to go out and do things. I'm getting ready to go get drinks tn with a friend. It's so hard to feel like I can have goals knowing that he's out there with someone else. I'm glad you're figuring out your way through it.

I'm sorry something so awful has happened to you. I'm in a similar situation myself but I haven't found any way through it for more than a year now. I became really close with my girlfriend who I met over the internet and despite having plans to come visit them they cut me off from their life completely due to an issue between a mutual friend. Then they reached out to me at the end of last year and we "got together" again, but before I could make good on my promise to see her she did it again, and I've just been living basically the same day over and over since.

All I can really give for advice is that for how overused and untrue of a statement "time heals all wounds" is, it is true that at the very least, with time, wounds turn to scars and your heart callouses as a survival mechanism. I can't say from my experience things will ever be okay again but the loss will become at least marginally easier to accept with time. I think finding love elsewhere would probably help start healing things but you have to be slow and careful about it. I myself been unsuccessful finding love elsewhere. Unfortunately she'll be my first and probably last love in this life before I ctb. Your ex doesn't have to be yours though if you have the will to eventually find love again and take things carefully.

Whatever happens, good luck.

I appreciate that but I really can't find anyone else attractive. It feels impossible. We broke up for a month or two last year and it was unbearable. I tried to move on and ended up crawling back because I couldn't live without him. It really feels like my future is gone.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

This past Sunday, I went to my exes house unannounced to talk to him. We've been broken up for a couple of months but still saw each other periodically and we're trying to make things work or so I thought. He told me that he missed me and wanted to see me and he did not answer me for a few days prior to me going there so I thought I would just show up. He told me that he hung out with a woman over the weekend and I confronted him on it being a date to which he told me that it wasn't but he was laughing the entire time he said it so who really knows. He told me he was single and that he could do what he wanted and I guess it's true but I couldn't imagine going on a date right now. I have struggled so much without him in my life already when we took a break in the past and I know that I've never loved somebody as much as Ive loved him. He then told me that that that would be the last time that we would be seeing each other/speaking to each other. I admittedly started talking about how I wanted to kill myself and he ended up calling the police on me which really sucks because now I have a $5000 medical bill that I will be avoiding paying, but I shouldn't have to deal with that. Anyways, I am just so desperate for him to be back into my life, but he has already gotten into a relationship since that incident, it's so painful to me that he could just move on from me after I had a miscarriage with his baby. I know it's been a few months, but it still pains me and he said that it makes him sad sometimes too, but that he just needs to move on, and that I am the source of my own suffering. It doesn't feel like I'm the source of my own suffering. It feels like the suffering has been hoisted upon me and I can't escape. we had a lot of really shitty things happen in our relationship, but I just can't imagine finding somebody else who I genuinely clicked with so much. Someone that I found to be the most attractive person. Somebody that told me they wanted to marry me and told me they wanted to have children with me. It's so hard to go through with catching the bus. What else can I do? All I do is sit in bed and cry and suffer and feel like life is not going to get better. I don't want to suffer, but it doesn't matter what I do. Doesn't matter where I go. I'm always reminded of him and things from our relationship and Just so much BS that I don't know how to live anymore. Has anybody overcome something like this? I know people have but it really feels impossible. How do you mourn somebody that's still alive?
I have a premade noose that just needs to be tied to something. I really want to try ph but also want to hold on to that hope that maybe he will come around to loving me again, but I know I'm stupid.

That sucks...

Sounds like he said a lot of sweet words to you