Someone just told me I'm worthless as a disabled person

[littleearthquakes]

I was talking to someone from a Reddit friend group for a couple days and he point blank told me he was worried I'd have nothing to offer or say as a long-term friend because I'm disabled and bedbound. That I don't have a normal life and can't relate to him and it wouldn't be sustainable or interesting for him. Even though I'd been sending long messages for days about all kinds of things on topics from writing to social justice to relationships.

Not only was it super offensive but it's just so harmful but I know he's saying what most people think to themselves and he's not even totally wrong. I mean he's wrong that I have nothing to say and I have no life at all but I do feel worthless and I am seriously limited and I don't live in normal life. That doesn't mean that I am worthless and have nothing to offer a friend but apparently it does mean that to most people. I've been abandoned by most people in my life as I've gotten sicker.

And I already do feel that way about myself and I'm scared that I don't exist anymore. I had already been vulnerable with him about that, how hard it is for me to make close online friends and to be stuck at home and to be so sick and in so much pain and watch the world go by and have most people use me as filler at best and then move on. He knew all of that and then he still had to say that to me and reinforce all of my fears.

It's hard enough being in horrible pain trapped in bed and watching your function slip away from you day by day and have treatment go wrong and have everyone in your life abandon you and then when you try to make online friends they get bored or push you away or literally tell you you're worthless and clingy and confirm all of your fears.

And please I don't want advice or to be told to cheer up or anything mean. Please unless you can hold space or be supportive and validating please don't respond to this.

I don't know if it's even a good idea for me to post it because it's always a risk and I don't know what I'm going to get but I feel really terrible right now and I don't know what to do.

I don't want to do this at all and it's not fair the things are so horrible and then I get treated really badly on top of it. I want to fight what he said but I know in some ways he's right and I know it's what most people think of me now. What I think of me deep down. I'm so done with this life and the suffering and it's clear I'm not wanted in this world anyway.

 

[lifeisadream]

Gosh, what a truly awful experience you've had. What that person told you was utterly unacceptable, rude & incredibly mean. Heartless in fact. You are not worthless & that person should not have trampled all over you like that. They are the worthless individual for being so hurtful & they should be the one to feel terrible not you. Sometimes I think people go on power trips with others & come out with utter rubbish. Please do not let them impact you like this. Hold your head high. You are a beautiful person, you are worthy & screw that person because they aren't worthy of your friendship.

 

[littleearthquakes]

Gosh, what a truly awful experience you've had. What that person told you was utterly unacceptable, rude & incredibly mean. Heartless in fact. You are not worthless & that person should not have trampled all over you like that. They are the worthless individual for being so hurtful & they should be the one to feel terrible not you. Sometimes I think people go on power trips with others & come out with utter rubbish. Please do not let them impact you like this. Hold your head high. You are a beautiful person, you are worthy & screw that person because they aren't worthy of your friendship.

Thank you but it's not just about him, it's a lifetime of being treated like shit as a disabled person. He just said it out loud.

 

[DeathfulEnd]

Do not listen to any nonsense like that. It can be hard but being disabled does not make you worthless or any less of a person than someone else. That kind of behavior is what makes someone worthless. In my experience most people are horrible but not all of them. Keep trying you will eventually find some worth your time.

 

[peacebenow]

This does not sound like a friend. They sound like they don't even know who you are. They only see you as a definition of your current circumstances. Once the hurt and shock of cruelty settles down you will realize this and not want anything to do with someone that ignorant, cruel, and small minded. Be kind to your self.

 

[littleearthquakes]

I appreciate everyone's sentiment but please let me be upset about this. This isn't an isolated incident as I said. I've been treated really horribly my whole life and abandoned by most people.

The world is cruel to disabled people a lot of the time. It's systemic not just one asshole. I'm here to vent and be validated in my pain not told that I just shouldn't care or listen to people like that. That doesn't really make me feel better, it makes me feel like I'm being told I should be able to ignore or get over being mistreated.

I just want a little empathy. I appreciate you saying that he's wrong but it doesn't make it less painful to hear these things especially when so many people say things like that or act that way. You probably don't want people saying you should ignore and get over whatever you're here struggling with. Same for me. Holding space is all I wanted and that's what I asked for. And saying it'll get better or be good to myself etc it's called toxic positivity and I can't engage with that.

This was a mistake. I thought here of all places maybe people would let me be upset.

 

[lifeisadream]

I'm sorry if I've upset you that was not my intention at all.