My mind defaults to suicide

[LadyPoulenc]

CTB is just a normal part of my life now. When I have nothing to think about, my mind immediately goes "I should kill myself". Walking home? I should kill myself. Idling? I should kill myself. I can't get my own death out of my head.

 

[ElTopo]

I think it's quite normal for some people to feel like that. Even if you aren't actively planning you can be passively suicidal.
But on another note having an intrusive thought like that can have an unconscious meaning, to kill oneself is to change oneself, leaving the old self behind, kinda like a snake changing his skin, reflecting on this helped me to some extent with the intrusive thoughts. Still want to ctb though