burninghill
Specialist
- Dec 2, 2025
- 331
It's hard to explain outside of this forum.
There are things I want to escape in death, but I also want to see myself dead.
People make the assumption that every suicidal person is the same and that none of us want to die, we just want to get out of whatever situation we're in (whether it's in our minds or an exterior circumstance), but I think a part of me genuinely just won't be satisfied until my body is dead.
Maybe this sounds disrespectful to people who are struggling more than me or some kind of 14 year olds diary entry, but I've always been intrigued by suicide and everything that leads up to it. It's really hard to explain but my brain just finds joy in the thought of killing itself, like how some people make themselves blind or amputate their own limbs because they have this belief that that's the way they're supposed to exist. I think I'm supposed to exist as someone who killed themselves.
I feel like if I die then I'll finally be the way I'm SUPPOSED to be, if that makes sense.
There are things I want to escape in death, but I also want to see myself dead.
People make the assumption that every suicidal person is the same and that none of us want to die, we just want to get out of whatever situation we're in (whether it's in our minds or an exterior circumstance), but I think a part of me genuinely just won't be satisfied until my body is dead.
Maybe this sounds disrespectful to people who are struggling more than me or some kind of 14 year olds diary entry, but I've always been intrigued by suicide and everything that leads up to it. It's really hard to explain but my brain just finds joy in the thought of killing itself, like how some people make themselves blind or amputate their own limbs because they have this belief that that's the way they're supposed to exist. I think I'm supposed to exist as someone who killed themselves.
I feel like if I die then I'll finally be the way I'm SUPPOSED to be, if that makes sense.
