Venting My hebephilic ex admitted that he thinks 12-year-olds can consent. (CW)

[Good4Nothing]

You seem like a very caring, loving person.
You deserve MUCH better than this guy.
If he can't see what he lost, to hell with him. Leave him to his own devices.
Save your love for someone who loves you back. He doesn't deserve you.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@BerryCakes, you may have noticed that this thread has drawn some negative attention, one person has already been banned. Please be very cautious with any PMs you receive going forward. Be especially aware of a predatory technique called greenlighting, where someone will throw up a tiny red flag and see if you will allow it to pass or let them convince you it wasn't a red flag. If the behavior gets a green light, eventually they will escalate. Just mentioning as it's hard enough dealing with and getting free from one predator in your life.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I have nothing more to add other than supporting the words of other members. You are clearly very kind and thoughtful, and want to see the best in others. I do not know your friend or what other qualities define him, so I will not pass judgment. Given what you have shared, though, I think your dream of him staying in a relationship with you to prevent horrible offenses from taking place is highly improbable, to put it mildly. As much as it doesn't help anyone else, it also hurts you, and you don't deserve that pain in your life.

I hope your friend is able to control his urges and refrain from harming any young people. I also hope that you're able to move on a find a healthy relationship in which someone loves you in all the ways you deserve to be loved.

 

[checkouttime]

I knew from the beginning he was into young girls (primary around the ages of 14-17,)

So did you know as soon as you got with them they were like this? or do you mean you found out after you had been with them a while??

 

[Meditation guide]

. I don't think it's a safe idea for him to be with other women.

He sounds like a real prize.

he just sees me as a sex toy.

I'm sure he sees everyone that way.

does that mean he doesn't think it's a problem for him to have these views?

No he thinks it's ok. He sees nothing wrong with it. That much is clear.

I hope this thread is a fake. It's disturbing in several ways. What is lovable about him? It sounds like you fell in love with the fake lies and fantasy he laid out to get you. And are still clinging to that fantasy. He manipulated you. To be a child molester is to be a very manipulative individual who says whatever it takes to get what he wants and he did that to you.

I don't know which is more odd, that he tells people of how he wants to have sex with young people, or how someone can hear this and be in love with him.

 

[Aap]

I have few supporting words. If you think he stops at 12 and doesn't believe 11, 10, Or lower can consent, you are either misguided, delusional, or enabling.

 

[BerryCakes]

I have few supporting words. If you think he stops at 12 and doesn't believe 11, 10, Or lower can consent, you are either misguided, delusional, or enabling.

With all due respect, you're just assuming things at this point.

 

[Aap]

I apparently misspoke. You are not misguided. The other two options may apply. You really think this guy has confesses his darkest secrets to you, or only slowly acclimated you to this and told you only as much as he thought was palatable?

People who fuck children are sick, as are those who cover for them. Do you know how many people are here because of people like your bf? Do you know how many people are here because of people who made excuses for people like your bf?

 

[BerryCakes]

I apparently misspoke. You are not misguided. The other two options may apply. You really think this guy has confesses his darkest secrets to you, or only slowly acclimated you to this and told you only as much as he thought was palatable?

People who fuck children are sick, as are those who cover for them

If I had good reason to believe he was already offending, I'd report him for it. It's not an unbelievable idea that he's managed to stay away from kids up until this point. I don't know, man. You seem angry at me for something I didn't do. This isn't really worth getting in an argument over.

 

[checkouttime]

If I had good reason to believe he was already offending, I'd report him for it. It's not an unbelievable idea that he's managed to stay away from kids up until this point. I don't know, man. You seem angry at me for something I didn't do. This isn't really worth getting in an argument over.

I think it could be 'only a matter of time' before he does do something. i mean do you know that he isn't looking a child porn? for certain? just looking is an offence.People that have these thoughts, don't just get over it, it doesn't just 'go away'.

for me just having the thoughts is enough. why is someone telling you they are attracted to 14yr old kids, shows how much they care for you then and what their minds really on IMO

I mean if he does offend, its then too late, no going back. how would you feel about that??

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's not just that he's a hebephile, he's set off a lot of other red flags with how he's treated you, pretty much by the narcissistic playbook. Add hebephile to that and he sounds like a predator, and you being worried about him and trying to stop him tells me that he either disclosed a history of criminal sexual predation or that he's afraid he can't control it -- either disclosure is part of the predator MO to reel you in and get you to protect him rather than yourself, and to be his plaything like a cat with its prey. When you get defensive on his behalf, as abusive as he is, he's got a flying monkey who will protect him. He's just creepy as fuck. And guys like that tend to find women with a history of abuse who haven't yet established boundaries and self-protection. If you defended yourself like you defend him, he'd be gone and would stay far away from you because he'd know you're not a victim. He devalued you long ago and does just enough relationship maintenance to keep you available for when he wants to use you, and it's not just for sex, it's for whatever you can supply him in the present and whatever he'll want to use you for in the future. Like a narcissist would treat someone, you're just an appliance to him and also an amusement. This is not a reflection of you but of what a creepy, self-centered dirtbag he is. You didn't cause his problems, you can't cure them, and you can't control them. You have more than enough shit in your own life to try to cure and take control of; maybe you can do that, maybe not, but you certainly can't anyone else's but your own.


*climbs down off soapbox*

 

[Nightmare92]

I'm a hebephiliac and pedophile myself. Also I visit therapy. I can tell you for sure, he has some problematic thoughts. It doesn't mean he abuses kids, but it increases his risk.
He should go to therapy as soon as possible. It's easily possible to replace his wrong thoughts with therapists help. He really believes that kids can consent and he can be convinced otherwise. I met other men who had thoughts like that (it's pretty common among hebes/pedos actually) and therapy helped them a lot. But he also needs wanting that, otherwise therapy won't help.
Group therapy could be very useful for him.

 

[Nightmare92]

Have you had sex with kids? Is this an orientation for life? Just curious how this works. If you see a child of the type you like will it still cause the urge for you? Have you groomed a child?
Congratulations on getting therapy. Just wondering how much it can help change this. I imagine this problem is based on something that happened to you as a child?

I have not physically touched any kid ever. It will stay with me until I die, it can't be changed. I will always get urges. I can just learn to accept that and live without acting on it like an alcoholic who stopped drinking.
But I watched so called child pornography in the past - which I am not doing anymore. I go to therapy for 2 years now and the therapist is pretty well known. She is probably one of the best therapists you can find in this country.

She thinks I suffer from C-PTSD (not sure about that tbh) and I had some experiences in the past. I never really had a father and my mother was emotionally unavailable when I was a very young kid (can't remember that, but she told me). Later I experienced violence, she beat my older brother a lot (can't remember if she also had beaten me?) and emotional abuse from my mother. She never really cared about my feelings, always gas-lightned me, etc.
When I was 10 or 11 I found child porn on the Internet, because my mother watched some news on the TV were they talked about 'child porn'. I was curious and just searched in a file-sharing program. When I first saw the photos, it disgust me, but I also felt some kind of 'curious excitement' thinking that's pretty weird...
What's weird is that my older brother became a child prostitute. I know he sold hisself when he was 13 and homeless.
My mother was sexually abused by his stepfather. I still don't get if there's a connection, because I can't remember any sexual abuse myself despite being a victim of some voyeur in a bathroom once when I was 9 or 10...

I guess that made something with my brain. It's for sure a reason to think about CTB.
Fortunately I don't have a lot urges acting out in real life, it's more the urge to watch child abuse images or start stuff like videochats with minors, etc.
I don't want to become a child rapist, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to control myself forever, especially in the said areas, therefore suicide would be a rational solution for that dilemma.

 

[262653]

You know it sucks to be a pedo when even a suicidal community doesn't like you. I wonder which group is actually being treated worse: suicidals, pedos or transes? I just felt like including transes.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

You know it sucks to be a pedo when even a suicidal community doesn't like you. I wonder which group is actually being treated worse: suicidals, pedos or transes? I just felt like including transes.

Pedos get killed in prison. Suicidals try to kill themselves in prison. I think it's a bad idea to bring trans folks into a discussion about pedos, they get enough shit as it is.

 

[262653]

Pedos get killed in prison. Suicidals try to kill themselves in prison. I think it's a bad idea to bring trans folks into a discussion about pedos, they get enough shit as it is.

Yeah... I bet it's not nice to be a trans in prison either. You've reminded me of my classmate who assessed certain skills and talents by how useful they would be in prison. Was some sort of a running joke... But anyway, I don't feel like judging how a group is treated generally just by how well they do in prison.

 

[Caspers]

Do you know his therapist's contact number/email? I'd suggest you inform them before his thoughts escalate, maybe take some screenshots of his conversations

 

[262653]

At least one person here is willing to be understanding and forgiving. .

And who would that be? :think:

Seriously, how come there's no think emoji here? I'm too lazy to find out the right image so you'll have to use imagination... but it's okay with me if you don't want to.

 

[BerryCakes]

And who would that be? :think:

Seriously, how come there's no think emoji here? I'm too lazy to find out the right image so you'll have to use imagination... but it's okay with me if you don't want to.

 

[Meditation guide]

I have not physically touched any kid ever. It will stay with me until I die, it can't be changed. I will always get urges. I can just learn to accept that and live without acting on it like an alcoholic who stopped drinking.
But I watched so called child pornography in the past - which I am not doing anymore. I go to therapy for 2 years now and the therapist is pretty well known. She is probably one of the best therapists you can find in this country.

She thinks I suffer from C-PTSD (not sure about that tbh) and I had some experiences in the past. I never really had a father and my mother was emotionally unavailable when I was a very young kid (can't remember that, but she told me). Later I experienced violence, she beat my older brother a lot (can't remember if she also had beaten me?) and emotional abuse from my mother. She never really cared about my feelings, always gas-lightned me, etc.
When I was 10 or 11 I found child porn on the Internet, because my mother watched some news on the TV were they talked about 'child porn'. I was curious and just searched in a file-sharing program. When I first saw the photos, it disgust me, but I also felt some kind of 'curious excitement' thinking that's pretty weird...
What's weird is that my older brother became a child prostitute. I know he sold hisself when he was 13 and homeless.
My mother was sexually abused by his stepfather. I still don't get if there's a connection, because I can't remember any sexual abuse myself despite being a victim of some voyeur in a bathroom once when I was 9 or 10...

I guess that made something with my brain. It's for sure a reason to think about CTB.
Fortunately I don't have a lot urges acting out in real life, it's more the urge to watch child abuse images or start stuff like videochats with minors, etc.
I don't want to become a child rapist, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to control myself forever, especially in the said areas, therefore suicide would be a rational solution for that dilemma.

Thank you for the reply.

My theory is that as your hormones began to surge it coincided with a longing for a parent to pay attention to you, or in your case when you were emotionally abused. So you associate that strong subconscious urge for something more from a parent with the urge for sex. The two are blended. Something got stunted at a certain age that you want to act out. it must be terrible to feel like you might actually do something with a child.

 

[Ghost2211]

I have not physically touched any kid ever. It will stay with me until I die, it can't be changed. I will always get urges. I can just learn to accept that and live without acting on it like an alcoholic who stopped drinking.
But I watched so called child pornography in the past - which I am not doing anymore. I go to therapy for 2 years now and the therapist is pretty well known. She is probably one of the best therapists you can find in this country.

She thinks I suffer from C-PTSD (not sure about that tbh) and I had some experiences in the past. I never really had a father and my mother was emotionally unavailable when I was a very young kid (can't remember that, but she told me). Later I experienced violence, she beat my older brother a lot (can't remember if she also had beaten me?) and emotional abuse from my mother. She never really cared about my feelings, always gas-lightned me, etc.
When I was 10 or 11 I found child porn on the Internet, because my mother watched some news on the TV were they talked about 'child porn'. I was curious and just searched in a file-sharing program. When I first saw the photos, it disgust me, but I also felt some kind of 'curious excitement' thinking that's pretty weird...
What's weird is that my older brother became a child prostitute. I know he sold hisself when he was 13 and homeless.
My mother was sexually abused by his stepfather. I still don't get if there's a connection, because I can't remember any sexual abuse myself despite being a victim of some voyeur in a bathroom once when I was 9 or 10...

I guess that made something with my brain. It's for sure a reason to think about CTB.
Fortunately I don't have a lot urges acting out in real life, it's more the urge to watch child abuse images or start stuff like videochats with minors, etc.
I don't want to become a child rapist, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to control myself forever, especially in the said areas, therefore suicide would be a rational solution for that dilemma.

I respect your bravery talking about this, and that you're seeking help. Considering the topic it can be easy for people to forget this is another form of mental illness, and it deserved respect when people don't act on the feeling and seek help. It must be a heavy burden to carry.

 

[BerryCakes]

Thank you for the reply.

My theory is that as your hormones began to surge it coincided with a longing for a parent to pay attention to you, or in your case when you were emotionally abused. So you associate that strong subconscious urge for something more from a parent with the urge for sex. The two are blended. Something got stunted at a certain age that you want to act out. it must be terrible to feel like you might actually do something with a child.

Just throwing it out there that pedophilia can also be a result of physical defects. "Right orbitofrontal tumor with pedophilia symptom and constructional apraxia sign"

I'm not saying it's justified or "natural," by the way. It's just something to consider.

Edit: This blog post is somewhat related and may be of interest to read.

 

[BerryCakes]

hey. I'm not going to tell you what to do because you know yourself and your life better than anyone.

kids can't consent because studies have shown that parts of the brain that process consent, consequences, etc aren't fully developed until 11 years after age 7. its proven scientifically.

I hope you talk with a therapist for unbiased support and take care of yourself.

If I was okay with pedophilia and thought that kids could consent, I wouldn't have made this thread in the first place. I know you're trying to be nice here, but I'm really sick of these misguided assumptions being thrown my way and would assume that people in a 18+ community would at least bother to read my posts thoroughly first before forming their opinions about me.

 

[ghostspace]

If I was okay with pedophilia and thought that kids could consent, I wouldn't have made this thread in the first place. I know you're trying to be nice here, but I'm really sick of these misguided assumptions being thrown my way and would assume that people in a 18+ community would at least bother to read my posts thoroughly first before forming their opinions about me.

I did read your post and haven't formed any opinions about you.

I wasn't trying to suggest that you were okay with pedophilia or thought kids could consent, I was just adding to the conversation people above were discussing about what causes pedophilia and why exactly kids can't consent.

I'm sorry if I upset you; I hope everything works out for you and am sorry you're in this situation.

 

[Aap]

Look, the fact you even are considering being with him is implicit support. You said I was angry in a previous post; I am. I'm furious at those who molest children. I'm furious at those who fetishize molesting children. I'm furious at those who defend the previous two.

do you know how many children suffer not just because of people who molest them but also those who make excuses for them?

every child molester started out by doing exactly what your bf has admitted to in some form. Sure, there can be those who consume child pornography or risqué child material who never progress to molesting children. I'm sure there may be a few raging pornography addicts who are virgins as well.

I'm not even going to get in to the endless stream of lives destroyed and/or trafficked to generate the content, even if not blatantly pornographic, that your ex consumes. You say I'm mad? You bet.

 

[BerryCakes]

Look, the fact you even are considering being with him is implicit support. You said I was angry in a previous post; I am. I'm furious at those who molest children. I'm furious at those who fetishize molesting children. I'm furious at those who defend the previous two.

do you know how many children suffer not just because of people who molest them but also those who make excuses for them?

every child molester started out by doing exactly what your bf has admitted to in some form. Sure, there can be those who consume child pornography or risqué child material who never progress to molesting children. I'm sure there may be a few raging pornography addicts who are virgins as well.

I'm not even going to get in to the endless stream of lives destroyed and/or trafficked to generate the content, even if not blatantly pornographic, that your ex consumes. You say I'm mad? You bet.

I don't agree with you. This is assumption, after assumption, after assumption, about two people you know very little about. You're entitled to your opinion, but trying to guilt trip me won't convince me that you're right. Feel free to block me. Have a nice life.

 

[Ghost2211]

OP, I am curious. Is there something specific you're looking for? Were you hoping we would help you see him in a clearer light to help you disconnect? Or did you need to feel that things will turn out ok with him? Or did you simply want to get this off your chest and couldn't talk to those around you? I do see you honor any opinion that isn't an attack, so you're clearly open to hearing both sides, but I can also see you have an emotional barrier about seeing his nature.

 

[BerryCakes]

OP, I am curious. Is there something specific you're looking for? Were you hoping we would help you see him in a clearer light to help you disconnect? Or did you need to feel that things will turn out ok with him? Or did you simply want to get this off your chest and couldn't talk to those around you? I do see you honor any opinion that isn't an attack, so you're clearly open to hearing both sides, but I can also see you have an emotional barrier about seeing his nature.

To get it off my chest and also justify disassociating with him.

Of course I have an emotional barrier. We're talking about a man who I love. Not only that, but a lot of these "attacks" feel more directed towards me than him, lol. I'm just amazed at the emotional immaturity a lot of people here have. I mean, I know it's a tough subject, but damn.

 

[TheQ22]

Thank you for the reply.

My theory is that as your hormones began to surge it coincided with a longing for a parent to pay attention to you, or in your case when you were emotionally abused. So you associate that strong subconscious urge for something more from a parent with the urge for sex. The two are blended. Something got stunted at a certain age that you want to act out. it must be terrible to feel like you might actually do something with a child.

If you went back to the 1940's people had similar opinions on the "disgusting pervertion" of homosexuality and what caused it.

Today it' seen as normal.

So is transgenderism - so who is to say that 50 years from now being a pedophile won't be seen as being normal?

It sounds insane, but if you could go back in time and tell a 1940's person that being gay is normal, they'd react with the same disbelief.

Just ask Alan Turing.

Plus there has been a push to "normalise" is here in the UK, with politicians like Harriet Harman signing up to support the Pedophile Information Exchange.

Never underestimate the depths to which some of our illustrious leaders can sink if they think it'll win them a few more votes.

 

[BerryCakes]

If you went back to the 1940's people had similar opinions on the "disgusting pervertion" of homosexuality and what caused it.

Today it' seen as normal.

So is transgenderism - so who is to say that 50 years from now being a pedophile won't be seen as being normal?

It sounds insane, but if you could go back in time and tell a 1940's person that being gay is normal, they'd react with the same disbelief.

Just ask Alan Turing.

Plus there has been a push to "normalise" is here in the UK, with politicians like Harriet Harman signing up to support the Pedophile Information Exchange.

Never underestimate the depths to which some of our illustrious leaders can sink if they think it'll win them a few more votes.

No, no, NO. We are NOT doing this in my thread. Do NOT associate pedophilia with homosexuality. This thread has been flamed enough. Get out of here with that normalizing bullshit. I'm NOT doing this today.