My depression room is off the charts 💀

[ForestGhost]

Well, I had to un-disaster a good chunk of my apartment because my shower broke and I had to have maintenance come in. My muscles are still sore from all the cleaning, lol. It's not fully done yet and I still have a messy bedroom, but it's weird to see how different it looks when it's clean-ish.

I need to try and keep it this way this time. I bought some furniture to be delivered to hopefully make it too comfy to neglect, lol.

Recently, I've been thinking about the long-term consequences of my chosen isolation. Having the maintenance person inside my apartment made me so anxious and awkward. Also, I was in the store the other day and some other shopper started chatting with me casually, and it was like my brain went blank. I've always been a little socially awkward, but it's at a whole other level now. How do I rebuild social skills as an adult? Is it even a possibility? I like my solitude, but I don't want to ruin my ability to be social. I feel like I've stunted myself accidentally.

Regardless, I have a lot of things to do before I need to worry about my social life. My house is still pretty messy, my looks are bad (seeing a surgeon soon.... quite nervous), my health is... not great. I forgot to take my Prozac many days in a row and had a horrible panic attack/dissociative episode last night, so fuck. That's on me.

Every time I take a few steps forward in one part of my life, I feel like I inevitably drop the ball elsewhere. How do people constantly juggle everything so effortlessly? Why am I so bad at being human???

Idk. A win is a win, as they say. Hopefully I can keep this win up for at least a little bit of time.

Heh... this is so relatable. I'm pretty sure this is the exact reason I cleaned up all my filth last time. I am also absolutely mortified of being in my apartment when the maintenance person is there. Thankfully my complex doesn't require it, and the person is also competent enough to fix stuff without needing my presence.

Happy to hear you got it all clean! Really not easy work