Is MH for life

[Soulless Angel]

Its been four years since my breakdown, four years since I discovered suicidal ideation, four years in and a few attempts always stopped though
Mental health system in the UK is shit, i messaged my cmht the other day, told her I was struggling with my mental health to be told... Oh lovely to hear from you.... Yea fuck off

I sit tonight though, anxiety is high, the will to not be here so strong (i wont act on it it's the SI playing games)
Yet I feel guilty for being this way, feel like I should be over it
Feel like I should be out there in the world with a job, out there making friends making a social net work for myself and more
Feel like I should be over this by now, but I don't feel I am.
Am I stupid to be feeling this way, I really don't know what's right or wrong any more

 

[MrShino]

If MH is for life? Absolutely not, not necessarily at least. That's my belief. There are some cases where you can have a diagnosis that are expected to be life-long, although I don't believe in that as the only possibility. There's usually a solution, and most cases should be fairly treatable - at least enough to give one a meaningful life even if with some challenges.

Besides that, I don't think you are stupid for feeling like that. It's normal to want to be able to participate in the world. Still, I'd say give yourself time if you need it. There's no rush, and taking time to care for yourself is most important. The world is there when you are ready.

 

[Holu]

Is your mental health status permanent for the rest of your life? It depends. Specifics disorders are chronic, and even MDD/PDD/SAD has been shown to return in MDE.

But if your looking at it in a more broad sense of, "am I simply stuck in the position I'm in for life" then obviously no.

Regardless of this, ideation isn't something which necessarily just goes away after a short amount time. I'm sorry for your suffering and struggle. Though it's not always best to dwell on self pity please have kindness for yourself. You feel the way you do, and so it is the way it is. You're not normal in your struggles, but you're normal in how anyone would process them.

Oh and I'm really sorry for your mental health care. The failure of the mental health care system is all too clear in this forum.

Ultimately, while it may be for life, it's possible that you eventually become more accustomed and thick skinned to it. I don't like preaching hope, since it's not for everyone, but if you're someone who is holding out hope please continue to do so.

Anyways, thank you for sharing this. I hope you can either find a way out of your ideation, or just a better self understanding of it. As always be more kind to yourself, even if it's just a little bit. No reason to add more suffering into this already pain-infested world.

 

[Tesha]

MH is for life, but that doesn't mean it stays the same. MH can be good, bad or indifferent. It's fluid. Try and keep that in mind. How you feel today will be different to yesterday and tomorrow.

I could've written your post. I've struggled with severe suicidal ideation for 3.5 years now. You name it, I've tried it (except ECT) - including 24 different psych meds in those 3.5 years… my CMHT have basically given up on me. The 'safe haven' turned me away for not being suicidal enough. I've not responded to any of the meds or treatment really, but some days have been better than others, some worse.

It sounds like you're still fighting, so while you can, stick with it; acknowledge that you're still here after 4 years and the strength that's taken. Whichever route you take, I sincerely wish it results in peace for you. I'm open to PMs if you need to offload.