Venting I can't tell if ctb is worth it

[lighthouse]

I've been suicidal and struggling with mental health since I was 8 years old. I have Bipolar 2 and BPD. I'm not always suicidal 24/7 but I get very suicidal when I am and it does happen pretty often and has been for years. I have a few days I want to live and a few where suicide seems like the best option. But I'm tired of the back and forth and my paranoia plus my overall suffering. I'm starting to give up on trying. I've been getting treatment since I was a kid (12) and have been to numerous mental facilities. I feel like they help short term but never in the long run. I have a plan in case I completely give up and ctb. I can't really make up my mind on this. Any thoughts?

 

[rest2love]

Hey man, we can chat if you want? I just lost my brother who was sort of in a way in a similar situation, but he did not identify strongly with mental health diagnoses. He had a few things that he wanted to live strongly for. If you would like to DM me, you can chat.

 

[ilovenewyork]

I have bipolar 2 and where one day I might be suicidal, two weeks later I'm grateful for a simple day of living. If you aren't sure it's probably your place in the cycle and you need to hold on. Lithium helps a lot with this

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

I just hope you can find peace whatever happens in your life

 

[Front Back]

Well, do it or not you'll never know

 

[last-counting-days]

BPD 2 here, People say we will be alright if we just take meds but they don't know what meds do to us. They simply kill emotions and we become emotionally numb + overweight+ loss in interest, yes we can survive with not desire just going along the flow. I like the time when I am hyper manic where I will be extrovert and do things I like and etc. but later a long down episode where I don't want to do anything. Meds cancels both and in between I will become a robot without any emotions and interests