Is it weird that when i go anywhere for work or whatever wish that i was murder

[ifailallthetime101]

for a few years i have been doing same thing over and over again, it gets to a point where it feels like it would be better to just get hit by a car on the sidewalk, or stab/gunshot something that has been in my mind for a long time it gives me anxiety at the same time thoughts?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suspect many of us experience passive ideation- as in- it would be better if I died rather than had to go to work today etc. I suppose fantasizing about an accident or being murdered means we wouldn't have to hurt ourselves. Still- seeing as we still couldn't control how distressing or painful the experience of being killed would be, it also makes sense to fear it.

It sounds a lot like passive ideation to me. Desiring the outcome of death- while still feeling worried about the process of dying.