how do i fucking GROW A PAIR

[faraway_sayu]

i miss being "wholly" suicidal. there was a point in my life where i thought about it constantly, from the moment i woke up to the moment i fell asleep. i was miserable beyond imagination and i had no doubt in my mind that i would kill myself… but i didn't. god i fucking wish i did. now i consider myself "halfway" suicidal, i get distracted, i get busy, i feel okay from time to time. i don't necessarily want to kill myself, i just wish i was dead. i just wish this shit was over because no matter how distracted i am, the reality that nothing matters and the only thing i'm guaranteed is misery still looms quietly over my entire life. for ever sliver of happiness there is a mountain of agony that follows. why won't i just do it? if anyone else has felt this way, how do you get over it? i wish i'd killed myself years ago. i wish i'd stop being such a fucking pussy and do it.

 

[DeadnDusted]

I kind of feel the same. It's like the pain and drive to just do it plateau'd and it just becomes part of your daily landscape. I personally try to not overthink it, I have my plan ready, and I simply think that ill just do it whenever im ready to. Theres also a chance that I might not and I know that as well but im not too concerned with that.