Introduce yourself

[waitingforrest]

Hi, I'm alive and I don't want to be. That's it.

 

[ThankYouNYT]

You will guess how I learned of this site.

I'm nearly 40. Male. I am English and live in England. I have BPD, depression, and anxiety, and I simply cannot socialise normally.

I gave up on dating more than 10 years ago, and cut off my few friends 5 years ago. I'm ready to go. I am waiting for my parents to die so I can leave without upsetting them: I've made their lives difficult enough already and I feel able to hold on until then, though I appreciate not everyone is in the position of being able to hold out for any loved ones they might have.

I work nights simply so I am not a drain on my parents (yes, still living at home at 40), though I appreciate many on this site will not be in a position to hold down a job. Nights I don't work, I drink by myself at the pub. That's literally my life: every week, every month, every year. New Year was just "celebrated" by drinking alone in my bedroom.

There are excellent reasons to think that all hope was lost years ago, that change is simply not possible. I think there comes a point where you simply aren't being fair to yourself by carrying on.

Until I can go, I'm interested in accumulating information on how to leave, as well as in giving and receiving support to and from other people who have had more than enough of this shitty world. Nice to be here amongst fellow sufferers.

 

[AnneRee]

Hi Everyone -I'm in my late forties- female - I'm quite reserved and lack confidence so not sure how much I can participate - I've been reading of all your suffering for weeks/months and really empathise with you all - I've had depression since my teens, nervous breakdowns ,chronic fatigue , type 1 diabetes - now peripheral neuropathy last five years which is now advancing rapidly -have tried so hard to fight it medically and trying to keep going to care for family - they depend on me in many ways - my parents are quite old and it really makes me sad to see -I'm in a lot of pain and almost bed bound - pain and stiffness working it's way up my body - I don't want to be alive at all but couldn't bear to cause family pain by ctb but need to know there's a way out if becomes unbearable -everything is a complete mess - sorry for my rambling - you don't know me so you are the only people I can tell that I want to exit - I wish you all some relief and peace Xx

 

[subj]

Found this site through the NY daily email i get(and now dont read because of how badly judgemental the piece is). Been lurking for I think weeks because I'm introverted a lot.
I'm going on 33 soon, have been majorly depressed for a long time and constant thoughts of wishing I were dead. I take antidepressants that I don't feel work, therapy always ends up with me listening to my therapist talk about their life and them not helping mine. I'm married and have lots of pets including dogs, cats, reptiles, and arachnids. I'm stay at home because I hate the public and am in to much pain after hours on my feet. Deal with not only the depression but constant anxiety, eczema, skin picking, diabetes, being a night owl that needs 10-12 hours of sleep to function, IBS, and constant pain in my joints.
I love drawing, painting, cross stitching, old cars, listening to the 80s, playing Spyro the Dragon, gardening, and feeding my tarantulas.
I get a daily kick in butt from life itself, especially when I'm trying to do something positive or helpful. I feel like i live in the fog of Silent Hill, have no one to talk with except my pets(which i do all the time!).
I found this website and it feels like home to me. I can relate with so many posts I've read and it makes me feel that Im not alone in the way i feel and how my life is.

Keep looking there are good therapists out there. Sorry you are only finding the losers. Their lives do not matter, they are there to help you not to narcistically yap. Send them a bill for every minute they don't focus on you.

 

[Tomino'sNightengale]

Hello. I feel like a complete failure as a human. I'm 41 years old, and while I hold a B. A. in Spanish from Kent State University and two associates degrees in from Stark State College, I feel like a total failure as a human. Everything in life is so meaningless. We're all matter, energy at a low frequency. Years from now, the matter that makes us up will form new stars. No one's life has any meaning. I was a stranger to happiness most of my life. I just want to end all the meaninglessness and pain.

 

[flawedforever]

Just alone in this world. Death is in my near future. And as I'm writing this I am also watching my granddaughter run and play. She hasn't a care in the world. She's a butterfly today and then a unicorn tomorrow. I'll miss that the most.

 

[Crazy4u]

Hi everyone,

I'm a single woman in my thirties living in the West Coast, USA. I have been suicidal for more than 20 years. I had rough childhood, teenagerhood, and adulthood.

I became more suicidal in 2021 due to permanent circumstances and started reading more stuff about suicide. I read some articles about a suicide forum designed to kill children!!! the articles didn't make much sense. I didn't know the name of the website for too long but was curious.

I finally found the website a few months ago and found it to be a solid pro-choice forum for suicidal people. Thank you everyone for your love and support.

 

[Iamchickenhat]

You will guess how I learned of this site.

I'm nearly 40. Male. I am English and live in England. I have BPD, depression, and anxiety, and I simply cannot socialise normally.

I gave up on dating more than 10 years ago, and cut off my few friends 5 years ago. I'm ready to go. I am waiting for my parents to die so I can leave without upsetting them: I've made their lives difficult enough already and I feel able to hold on until then, though I appreciate not everyone is in the position of being able to hold out for any loved ones they might have.

I work nights simply so I am not a drain on my parents (yes, still living at home at 40), though I appreciate many on this site will not be in a position to hold down a job. Nights I don't work, I drink by myself at the pub. That's literally my life: every week, every month, every year. New Year was just "celebrated" by drinking alone in my bedroom.

There are excellent reasons to think that all hope was lost years ago, that change is simply not possible. I think there comes a point where you simply aren't being fair to yourself by carrying on.

Until I can go, I'm interested in accumulating information on how to leave, as well as in giving and receiving support to and from other people who have had more than enough of this shitty world. Nice to be here amongst fellow sufferers.

Hi! I'm really new here, but hi! Your intro sounds just like me. I related to everything you said. Thank you for doing it so well

 

[kkhg]

Hello, just someone from the UK.

Hi, how old are you? How are you recently?

 

[ColorlessTrees]

It's unfortunate to meet everyone under these circumstances, but I'm glad this site exists; it's deeply comforting, in a way. I'm mostly a lurker, but I decided to join this time.

I suppose it's unnecessary, but a bit about myself: I enjoy fashion/aesthetics, I aspire to be a nurse (for now), my collection of alpaca plushes bring me some small happiness, as do trashy romance novels, more personal fiction I write, and the passion for niche music I've cultivated more recently. (In reality, I enjoy half of these things, half the time.)

My reason for being here is due to both physical and psychological ailments. The information offered here gives me better control of my planning and choices, as well as support. And I do wish to support people, even though all I can do is offer a listening ear and empathetic words, as an internet stranger.

Thanks for reading. :-)

 

[Hydrangea]

Hi, how old are you? How are you recently?

Hello - I'm 18, and I've been alright, thank you. How've you been?

 

[Judah]

I've been here for a year and I've never presented myself properly, haha

I am Judah, my age ranges between 20 and 30 years, I am stateless, I do not have any identity or any nationality, I am not attached to any existing entity, so technically I am like a ghost

 

[bana]

Hi everyone. I'm a mid-late 20s guy who thought he would just lurk but decided I might talk a bit too. I just haven't been happy for so long, been really depressed and possibly a few other issues. I haven't made any decisions yet but for now I'm just glad this resource exists

 

[8AEM]

I don't why, but I've always faced difficulties introducing myself.

 

[kkhg]

Hello - I'm 18, and I've been alright, thank you. How've you been?

I'm OK

 

[Eternal_Distancing]

If Death were a 40 car train operator, I'd be trying to get off the tracks because that is not my method of choice. I have quick reflexes, almost twitchy reflexes, I'd flinch so this method is definitely not for me. On my only attempt to CTB, I was at my final step but a nagging thought to read that one message I'd been avoiding for days leading up to my last moment on this earth convinced me to just read it. This message was the worse news I had ever received in my entire life; a lifetime of feeling like a loser.

Here I was: an empty field, an abandoned, condemned building with "Muerte" graffiti-ed in black spray paint all over. The red glow of coals to keep me warm one last time, my plan coming together, being at that final stage and the only thing that stopped me dead in my tracks was reading that message learning a loved one was dying…


I hope to ease some of your pain and confusion with the best insight I can provide for the time I am here.

 

[Findail]

Hi all. Male, 48 from London UK. Just regged today hoping to get the info i need to check out. Have just never been 'right' and always had one foot out the door of life. Schitzophrenia is rife in my family and pretty sure i have some form of it undiagnosed. No drama or tears, just want out asap in the most peaceful way poss.

 

[ncmxm]

I've been on this site for some time but never introduced myself

I'm a female closer to my late 20s, and I'm here because I just don't want to live long. I've only recently realized that I can make it happen, I don't have to wait for some illness to take me out. Of course I knew about suicide before, I just never really considered it for myself before I guess.

 

[Trattkantarellen198]

Hi, I am a male 41 with severe belly and bodily cramps that will not go away and have not been taken seriously by any doctor.

These cramps suck all the energy out of me, I am a walking ghost!

I wish to end my life as soon as possible, by Sodium Nitrite, but I cannot find any antiemetics easily in Sweden, where I live :(

 

[Cj.A]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

Hi! I'm turning 20 one day from now. I'm honestly tired and want to end it all at once already.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Hi everyone. I'm new here. For some reason, I want to apologize for bothering you all. Whatever.

Currently, a college student tittering on whether or not to call it quits. I enjoy procrastinating on everything, including my art, hyperfixating and researching obscure/random areas of interest. For the past ten years, I've been struggling with depression. Whether or not it derives from my autism, who can say?

 

[bleeeeeep]

wanted to introduce myself before i post anymore, it feels strange but here i am :^)

i'm soon turning 21 and have actively wanted to ctb for almost half of my life now. i have self harmed for just as long, and it is all because of chronic trauma beginning in childhood which i just can't seem to escape from. i lost almost all of my friends (and continue to destroy my remaining relationships) because of my self injurious, impulsive actions, as well as the way i behave when i'm feeling worthless/shitty/irritated, which is most of the time. i'm in between wanting desperately to recover and wanting desperately to take myself away from this world which has nothing left for me.

being able to find out exactly what i need for a peaceful journey away from this horrid existence makes me feel calmer. i'm very grateful for this forum even though i am a very new member. even lurking at the time made me feel less alone.

 

[nuke my house]

hi, i came here looking for help to understand ways to cope/avoid suicide and self harm given my past track record of self harm and suicide attempts. i hope to learn a lot while getting to know people here in this community.

 

[treetop.grazer]

Hi all,

I've been lurking on here for a year or two but finally decided to create an account. I'm bordering 50, from the UK and none of my friends or family would have any idea of how I'm feeling or going through.

Battling with alcoholism, some bpd and mounting debts makes me dread waking up each morning. I'm sure there's plenty of you in the same boat on here.

 

[mik1234567890]

Hi, I feel really bad and I'd like to get it done quick but I can't find any resources here, apparently now you have to post stuff to see some resources...

 

[AnneRee]

Hi all,

I've been lurking on here for a year or two but finally decided to create an account. I'm bordering 50, from the UK and none of my friends or family would have any idea of how I'm feeling or going through.

Battling with alcoholism, some bpd and mounting debts makes me dread waking up each morning. I'm sure there's plenty of you in the same boat on here.

Hi I'm new and from UK too and my family unaware too how I really feel - I really feel your pain - I wish you some relief somehow

 

[Judah]

technically I am like a ghost

Fixed: technically, I am Paraguayan

 

[treetop.grazer]

Hi I'm new and from UK too and my family unaware too how I really feel - I really feel your pain - I wish you some relief somehow

Thank you, I gather my situation is not unique so it's great to be amongst people of the same mindset.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

wanted to introduce myself before i post anymore, it feels strange but here i am :^)

i'm soon turning 21 and have actively wanted to ctb for almost half of my life now. i have self harmed for just as long, and it is all because of chronic trauma beginning in childhood which i just can't seem to escape from. i lost almost all of my friends (and continue to destroy my remaining relationships) because of my self injurious, impulsive actions, as well as the way i behave when i'm feeling worthless/shitty/irritated, which is most of the time. i'm in between wanting desperately to recover and wanting desperately to take myself away from this world which has nothing left for me.

being able to find out exactly what i need for a peaceful journey away from this horrid existence makes me feel calmer. i'm very grateful for this forum even though i am a very new member. even lurking at the time made me feel less alone.

A Moomins fan. Nice. I can also relate to that perpetual back and forth between wanting to live and wanting to die.

 

[RetroChaos]

Hi, I'm a 22 (almost 23) year old male from the UK.

Without triggering anyone

Spoiler

I was groomed online and showed horrific images by these men

but that also lead me to getting in trouble with the law.
I did have a girlfriend of 9 years who left me because I wasn't exactly the greatest boyfriend to her either, though that's been partly now explained with my BPD diagnosis - not that that is an excuse or defends my past actions. I didn't take our break-up well and didn't respect her boundaries in trying to contact her once more so I again got in trouble with the law. I've also suffered a lot with addictions in the past which I'm thankfully getting over.

I'm sick of hurting people so that's why I've been contemplating CTB a lot the past year - and the fact I can't really carry on without my rock by my side.

Other than that I collect a lot of things to somehow give my life purpose but it doesn't really work. I've been gaming a lot since I was a child so I often still do that to escape into fantasy and relive the childhood innocence.