Thank you. I'm gonna give you a hug tooI couldn't leave my dog & I couldn't find a way to take her with me. We only had each other. So, in effect she saved my life. When she passed 5 years later, it wrecked my world & I've been on a suicidal roller-coaster ever since (even though I have new dogs).
I wish I had more advice for you, friend. Try to find something with purpose or meaning in your life & focus on that. It's the only way I make it through a day at a time... sometimes hour by hour. (Hugs)
hi. 55. male. anxious. confused. not sure why i am on here. but people seem nice.
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LingeringUnreal
dumb of ass
- Dec 14, 2021
- 118
30, trans/nonbinary. Suicide attempts since 12 years old and homeless throughout my 20s. Just kind of tired now.
Geturdone
Getting old ain't for sissies
- Dec 9, 2021
- 85
maakies
DOOK
- Dec 7, 2021
- 132
hello, fellow trans/enby approaching 30. Feel you on that one.
mk01
Member
- Nov 18, 2021
- 21
Hello, 20 female. I like boxing, ufc, painting and many other distractions from intrusive thoughts. Can't figure out why im still here, 50% want to die 50% want to see if life will get any better for me.
Hello everyone. 19 male. I'm here to find like minds to help sate my irrational desire for a justification for suicide.
Geturdone
Getting old ain't for sissies
- Dec 9, 2021
- 85
Hello, welcome and good luck with what you're looking for.
Hello everyone. I'm a 30 year old male. I'm considering suicide because I feel hopeless about my future and can't bring myself to welcome chaos into my life in an effort to change it. Most days I feel like a coward. Other people in my life also have mental health problems so I don't add my problems to theirs, and those that don't can't seem to understand where I'm coming from.
I came here wanting to connect with others that might feel the way I feel and research less painful ways to exit this life. Thank you for having me.
I came here wanting to connect with others that might feel the way I feel and research less painful ways to exit this life. Thank you for having me.
SanguineHare
Demon Bunny Queen
- Dec 16, 2021
- 74
Hello everyone. I'm a 27 year old intersex woman from Iowa and new here. I like anime and gaming for my interests. I work retail. Thus far I have kept going mainly for my dog, hairless guinea pigs, and the tarantula that are my pets.
needed_
waiting for a miracle
- Dec 17, 2021
- 804
Hi everyone, I'm 30 and female. I have bipolar 1 with mostly mixed episodes which constantly brings me close to the cliff. I've been dealing with it for years by having an eating disorder. I'm really looking forward to be able to discuss heavy topics without people overreacting and trying to hospitalise me.. so I'm really happy to be part of this now, thank you for letting me in 
Good day, morning or night to whomever is reading this. I'm your humble, male guest from Sweden.
Having stumbled on difficult cicumstances in my life of about 30 years, I am hoping to find a community here, and perhaps also gain some new perspectives.
Having stumbled on difficult cicumstances in my life of about 30 years, I am hoping to find a community here, and perhaps also gain some new perspectives.
Rabhen
Isolated Loner
- Dec 17, 2021
- 147
how do I make a new post here or do I just introduce myself in this reply?...
58 Fem-Hermaphrodyke through more than double the traumatic experiences than my age. An isolated loner, weary and despondent.
tylerdurden
Member
- Dec 14, 2021
- 9
Hi everyone, have visited the site on and off for a few years now. Decided to just join. Things aren't getting better…time to be able to interact with a group that seems to understand and be supportive, unlike what I have been able to find in my everyday mundane existence. Just a mid 30's male that has contemplated ctb for a bit after existing is just exhausting.
rationaldeath
Member
- Dec 10, 2021
- 84
Hello everyone, I'm a 22 year old male here looking to discuss the rationality of suicide and the pros/cons of different methods for ctb. My current view (that I am by no means certain of) is that death is morally neutral and therefore the mere existence of suffering can be enough to justify ending one's life early if they wish.
dkelseyd
New Member
- Dec 18, 2021
- 2
Hi Everyone-
44yr old male living in the northeastern United States. Recently diagnosed bipolar 2, which doesn't really explain much in my opinion. I have had suicidal ideation since 12/13 and my first long term depression at age eighteen. I recently had my worst and longest depressive crisis ever, starting in July and I am only barely 'out of it' thanks in part to a lamotrigine prescription.
What gets me most is that I can't pinpoint any specific trauma or other issue that makes me feel the way I do. Plenty of people with similar disorders are able to live somewhat healthily around them, however I have in all seriousness done almost NOTHING with my life and it's passing by quicker and quicker now. Why? I don't know exactly but I guess I just have no will to anything and have barely ever felt there was a PURPOSE to my life. I had good parents, a fortunate upbringing and I am well educated. Somehow, however NOTHING has really made me want to keep being here. Now, I have no money, no career can barely work a real job and have pretty limited romantic experience. At first during the pandemic I quite like not having the pressure to socialize, but now I feel like I have no friends, but going anywhere and seeing anyone feels like torture.
I see a lot of talk of ENVY here already and I share that feeling. It's like daily torture to hear about what people are up to: traveling, relationships, creative endeavors. I can't even begin to understand how to do any of it. I am considered intelligent, a good friend and conversationalist and I always thought someday it would hit me, what to DO but am now trying to reconcile myself to the mediocrity I am. Getting out of bed has been hard enough without having to actually LIVE.
thank you. I am glad this place exists.
44yr old male living in the northeastern United States. Recently diagnosed bipolar 2, which doesn't really explain much in my opinion. I have had suicidal ideation since 12/13 and my first long term depression at age eighteen. I recently had my worst and longest depressive crisis ever, starting in July and I am only barely 'out of it' thanks in part to a lamotrigine prescription.
What gets me most is that I can't pinpoint any specific trauma or other issue that makes me feel the way I do. Plenty of people with similar disorders are able to live somewhat healthily around them, however I have in all seriousness done almost NOTHING with my life and it's passing by quicker and quicker now. Why? I don't know exactly but I guess I just have no will to anything and have barely ever felt there was a PURPOSE to my life. I had good parents, a fortunate upbringing and I am well educated. Somehow, however NOTHING has really made me want to keep being here. Now, I have no money, no career can barely work a real job and have pretty limited romantic experience. At first during the pandemic I quite like not having the pressure to socialize, but now I feel like I have no friends, but going anywhere and seeing anyone feels like torture.
I see a lot of talk of ENVY here already and I share that feeling. It's like daily torture to hear about what people are up to: traveling, relationships, creative endeavors. I can't even begin to understand how to do any of it. I am considered intelligent, a good friend and conversationalist and I always thought someday it would hit me, what to DO but am now trying to reconcile myself to the mediocrity I am. Getting out of bed has been hard enough without having to actually LIVE.
thank you. I am glad this place exists.
Geturdone
Getting old ain't for sissies
- Dec 9, 2021
- 85
Congrats, at 58 I'm sure you've had your struggles. Understatement right? Anyway, glad you're still plugging away. You evidently have some degree of survival skills. Good for you. Still, my hope for you is that you connect and find comfort here quickly. Everyone is truly nice except the two that aren't and you'll discovery their identities on your own I'll wager ;-))
Glad you are here.
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fr0ggie
to live is to fly
- Dec 14, 2021
- 5
hi everyone, it's nice to a see a group of ppl where everyone is honest abt how hard things can be, while also still being polite and caring abt others' well-being. i find that very sweet and comforting, a lot of other corners online ppl make crude jokes or just say platitudes lol.
i'm in the us, been in and out of therapy and drs for depression/anxiety most of life. i was in orphanage overseas and adopted as baby, if anyone can relate to that, then i'm sure you know how hard things have been since the beginning. after being off meds and out of therapy for 2 years, just start going back to dr to get meds to help. not finding much help with it, and it's not affordable either.
i'm recently graduated from college and been having hard time with finding a real adult job, and i just started living alone. normally i like reading, music, taking walks. i feel like i used to have all these plans and dreams for when i wasn't mentally ill, actively hurting on the inside all the time, but now i'm getting to this point of realizing this isn't something i will grow out of, or learn to live with. i feel so sick that i find it hard to talk to normal people, it feels like i'm burdening them with my negativity. i go to the dr and downplay how bad it is.
thank u for anyone reading this, i appreciate the time u spent reading abt me, i been comforted by reading abt some of you already xx
i'm in the us, been in and out of therapy and drs for depression/anxiety most of life. i was in orphanage overseas and adopted as baby, if anyone can relate to that, then i'm sure you know how hard things have been since the beginning. after being off meds and out of therapy for 2 years, just start going back to dr to get meds to help. not finding much help with it, and it's not affordable either.
i'm recently graduated from college and been having hard time with finding a real adult job, and i just started living alone. normally i like reading, music, taking walks. i feel like i used to have all these plans and dreams for when i wasn't mentally ill, actively hurting on the inside all the time, but now i'm getting to this point of realizing this isn't something i will grow out of, or learn to live with. i feel so sick that i find it hard to talk to normal people, it feels like i'm burdening them with my negativity. i go to the dr and downplay how bad it is.
thank u for anyone reading this, i appreciate the time u spent reading abt me, i been comforted by reading abt some of you already xx
Mobius1launch
Member
- Dec 14, 2021
- 22
I'm 27 and just joined the forum last week. Never would I ever have imagine that I'd join a place like this. I have a plan but for the time being I am trying to just vibe through life.
Hi, Older 78, was abused by priests at 13 and thru teens, thats when i began to feel useless, dirty no good. and suicidal. IN spite of that I have worked, raised a family and overall had a good life, but always feel as though Imm useless. As im old and healthy im aware disability or death is not far off. As and if things get bad I want finally to be able to do the ultimate punishment . One thing I guess that makes my situation different is that I want it long and painful.
That's a long time for almost being a lawyer. I hope you have found your place by now
hi. 55. male. anxious. confused. not sure why i am on here. but people seem nice.
Hi! We all found this place for one reason or another. You are always welcome!
We all start somewhere. Hopefully, you will find the right path for you.
Your story sounds particularly harsh. I'm not religious myself, but I would be interested in hearing how you think that God views your situations. I mean, do you think that God thinks that you are a good person, despite your troubles? From what I can read, you have held on for your family, at least, which makes you a good person, in my eyes.
needed_
waiting for a miracle
- Dec 17, 2021
- 804
in germany it takes you at least 7 years to be a "full" lawyerThat's a long time for almost being a lawyer. I hope you have found your place by now
Thank you for your thoughtful wordsThat's a long time for almost being a lawyer. I hope you have found your place by now
Hi! We all found this place for one reason or another. You are always welcome!
We all start somewhere. Hopefully, you will find the right path for you.
Your story sounds particularly harsh. I'm not religious myself, but I would be interested in hearing how you think that God views your situations. I mean, do you think that God thinks that you are a good person, despite your troubles? From what I can read, you have held on for your family, at least, which makes you a good person, in my eyes.
Hey. I'm probably not gonna do much but lurk, but I wanted to say hi first. Glad this site is still around.
heya, i've lurked here for years and finally made an account now that it's required.
life's hard, depression sucks. at some point i'll probably kill myself. like whatever, who cares.
also i'm a scientist, if that's interesting to anyone.
life's hard, depression sucks. at some point i'll probably kill myself. like whatever, who cares.
also i'm a scientist, if that's interesting to anyone.
Babou
Member
- Dec 18, 2021
- 8
Hi everyone! It was important to me to post today because it's my birthday, and my account was just approved. I was fortunate enough to get to see the site after the NYT piece but before the lockdown, so I got to see firsthand the wonderful openness and acceptance of this community. It's too bad that, for now at least, others won't be able to see the openness and understanding that can be found in this community, but I think it's the right decision given the current environment.
As for me, I'm a middle-aged cisgender gay man living on the West Coast of the U.S. I lost a close friend to suicide earlier this year. On some level, I really didn't think he'd go through with it, so it was quite a shock when I learned of his death. I've had my own flirtations with suicide and SI over the years, and while I've felt like I've managed to keep those thoughts under control, recent events have me second-guessing myself.
I really don't know how this all plays out, but I'm grateful for having found and been admitted to this community. I'm looking forward to openly and honestly connecting with you all in a way I can't connect with anyone else, wherever our journeys take us.
As for me, I'm a middle-aged cisgender gay man living on the West Coast of the U.S. I lost a close friend to suicide earlier this year. On some level, I really didn't think he'd go through with it, so it was quite a shock when I learned of his death. I've had my own flirtations with suicide and SI over the years, and while I've felt like I've managed to keep those thoughts under control, recent events have me second-guessing myself.
I really don't know how this all plays out, but I'm grateful for having found and been admitted to this community. I'm looking forward to openly and honestly connecting with you all in a way I can't connect with anyone else, wherever our journeys take us.
Tarantula Girl
Don't Fear the Reaper
- Dec 10, 2021
- 36
Found this site through the NY daily email i get(and now dont read because of how badly judgemental the piece is). Been lurking for I think weeks because I'm introverted a lot.
I'm going on 33 soon, have been majorly depressed for a long time and constant thoughts of wishing I were dead. I take antidepressants that I don't feel work, therapy always ends up with me listening to my therapist talk about their life and them not helping mine. I'm married and have lots of pets including dogs, cats, reptiles, and arachnids. I'm stay at home because I hate the public and am in to much pain after hours on my feet. Deal with not only the depression but constant anxiety, eczema, skin picking, diabetes, being a night owl that needs 10-12 hours of sleep to function, IBS, and constant pain in my joints.
I love drawing, painting, cross stitching, old cars, listening to the 80s, playing Spyro the Dragon, gardening, and feeding my tarantulas.
I get a daily kick in butt from life itself, especially when I'm trying to do something positive or helpful. I feel like i live in the fog of Silent Hill, have no one to talk with except my pets(which i do all the time!).
I found this website and it feels like home to me. I can relate with so many posts I've read and it makes me feel that Im not alone in the way i feel and how my life is.
I'm going on 33 soon, have been majorly depressed for a long time and constant thoughts of wishing I were dead. I take antidepressants that I don't feel work, therapy always ends up with me listening to my therapist talk about their life and them not helping mine. I'm married and have lots of pets including dogs, cats, reptiles, and arachnids. I'm stay at home because I hate the public and am in to much pain after hours on my feet. Deal with not only the depression but constant anxiety, eczema, skin picking, diabetes, being a night owl that needs 10-12 hours of sleep to function, IBS, and constant pain in my joints.
I love drawing, painting, cross stitching, old cars, listening to the 80s, playing Spyro the Dragon, gardening, and feeding my tarantulas.
I get a daily kick in butt from life itself, especially when I'm trying to do something positive or helpful. I feel like i live in the fog of Silent Hill, have no one to talk with except my pets(which i do all the time!).
I found this website and it feels like home to me. I can relate with so many posts I've read and it makes me feel that Im not alone in the way i feel and how my life is.
I guess since I probably will actually start posting here I should do one of these.
21 year old male.
NEET for 7 years.
Depressed, Anhedonic and suicidal.
Want to be young again.
Frequenttly fuck up in every online community I have ever joined and get banned from them (probably around 5 at this point.)
Failure at everything.
21 year old male.
NEET for 7 years.
Depressed, Anhedonic and suicidal.
Want to be young again.
Frequenttly fuck up in every online community I have ever joined and get banned from them (probably around 5 at this point.)
Failure at everything.
_Seeking
I'm only here for this moment
- Dec 16, 2021
- 205
I am 50/F. I have been dealing with a number of chronic illnesses for over 20 years that causes me chronic fatigue. Then, about 5 years ago I had a knee injury that kept feeling worse and the pain then spread to other joints. Despite a bone scan and skin changes that highly indicated CRPS, the doctors wanted to sit on it and see if it got better on its own. Of course being CRPS, it only got worse with time and by then it was too late for the nerve blocks to work. Then I developed MCAS after getting long Covid and then the second covid vaccine made things significantly worse. Due to the MCAS, I deal with constant nausea and am unable to eat much of anything. I have a hypermobility disorder, and every year it is causing me more and more pain as well. I want to die in peace and relative comfort before I lose my independence. I am just tired and feel so isolated because I have to work and keep all this inside because people with normal lives do not want to hear about your problems unless there is a reasonable end in sight.
Thank you all for listening, I was lurking on here for a couple of months and relate to what all of you are going through. It helps me feel like I am not alone in this.
Thank you all for listening, I was lurking on here for a couple of months and relate to what all of you are going through. It helps me feel like I am not alone in this.
emmarg
Member
- Dec 10, 2021
- 36
haha unfortunately I'm in the US, where being a lawyer requires a graduate degree. I'm on the younger end at 24 :)That's a long time for almost being a lawyer. I hope you have found your place by now
