Introduce yourself

[tiredash]

hi everyone, i'm a bit late maybe, but i hope this will find the right people.
i'm repeat, 24F. diagnosed with bpd, bipolar disorder, severe ptsd and anxiety and an ed. quite the combo uh?
i've never had the chance to have someone, a friend i could tell all my story to without being pitied and thrown away.
i've always been rejected by everyone. until i found this website. maybe, maybe i'll finally find someone who understands without judging.

What does ED mean?

 

[repeat.]

What does ED mean?

eating disorder!

 

[Blanc]

Greetings,

Going by Blanc, I have enough of this cosmic garbage called existence.
Failed at committing suicide at 15 ( ingesting bleach tablets), deeply regretting it. Been worse and worse since. If only I succeeded then.
Seeking unexistence and mostly unbecoming to go back home in the nothingness.
Tired of being trapped in here and now, what's left of me ( as if there's such a thing like a "me" anyway) is anger and wrath most of the time. Disgusted by the corrupted state of being.
I plan to drown at sea, that's what is the closest to the abyss/chaos/tiamat in this simulation. The detailed idea of it is one of the only things that brings me a glimpse of relief and peace.
Currently finding myself in a situation where I can't leave as soon as I would like because of attachment and mistrust issues. It increases quite violently the amount of sadness and exhaustion.
It's quite a thing to have found such a place. Thanks to you people who made it happen. I'm used to be and feel very lonely but lately it became unbearable, it seems I need to have some space somewhere to share and vent so I can move on with whatever decision I will take.

 

[Chuunibyou]

hi there! you can call me Chuuni or Chuunibyou here.
I've been lurking here for a few years as a logged-out guest, but I've finally taken the plunge into making an account. I don't want to kill myself and don't think I will, but I appreciate having a safe space to connect with others with similar struggles as me and with similar pro-autonomy views. I've struggled with life as long as I can remember thanks to childhood abuse. and now in adulthood those experiences have resulted in DID, CPTSD, and OCD which make everything so unbearable even when my life is supposed to be "going well". autism and ADHD also make me less resilient than most other people. I wish it weren't this way, and that we lived in a society that could properly support and provide for people like me, but we don't and I don't expect we will within my lifetime. so I'll just continue to suffer, I guess.
I'm also an active cutter, and have pro-autonomy harm reduction views towards self harm as well. I'll also be glad to speak about that freely here. it's horrible that most places online have such strict censorship around self harm and suicide when these are real human experiences (and refusing to speak about them honestly only makes them worse...)

 

[troubledM]

hi friends, ( i hope you all dont mind me calling you that)

I've been lurking for quite some time.
Im 30, i dont do much day to day.. i live at home with my father. I think about 1000 ways to die every day. I havent seen the outside in months. Covid 19 lockdown never ended for me.
I always told myself "im either gonna make it or im not"
I did try prosac and some other sleeping meds nearing the end of covid (first time talking to a doctor since i was 15.

Those meds turned me into a zombie and further ruined the relationship that i was so desperately trying to save.
She lives in my head every single day. I know shes doing good without me. But she couldnt even tell me goodbye.. or let me see her to tell her goodbye..
i still dont know the truth to the end of my relationship.. but she claimed she was "afraid" of me.. She knew when we started i was suicidal... i told her again i was when i tried to get back on those damn pills...


Not even sure why i told you guys all that.. none of what im saying makes sense im sure. I just need a break in my head. sleep is the only place i dont think.. Im looking for my passage to sleep forever.


I play aton of runescape and other video games to try to occupy my mind everyday before i get upset and go to sleep.. i smoke weed nonstop however i am running out of funds as of lately.
Im not some degenerate whos just wasting his life away.. i feel crippled everyday... It's been almost 3 years since i lost her. I dont know what my first step is here. If anyone wants to reach out and try to ask the right questions by all means... I dont want to live through my dad dying.. I see it in his face everyday hes so broken over what i've become..

My life was set, i had a great union plumbing job... Getting more and more respect every day from the company i worked for... i lost everything... its been almost 3 years and i dont know where those 3 years have went.

My mind runs a mile a minute every single day thinking about the past.. im suprised i was able to type this much out. I've attempted twice and failed miserably.. I hopefully will find my way out on here :)

much love you all of you going through struggles of your own. I dont wish these feelings on my worst enemies. I just need it all to stop

 

[enough of this]

hi friends, ( i hope you all dont mind me calling you that)

I've been lurking for quite some time.
Im 30, i dont do much day to day.. i live at home with my father. I think about 1000 ways to die every day. I havent seen the outside in months. Covid 19 lockdown never ended for me.
I always told myself "im either gonna make it or im not"
I did try prosac and some other sleeping meds nearing the end of covid (first time talking to a doctor since i was 15.

Those meds turned me into a zombie and further ruined the relationship that i was so desperately trying to save.
She lives in my head every single day. I know shes doing good without me. But she couldnt even tell me goodbye.. or let me see her to tell her goodbye..
i still dont know the truth to the end of my relationship.. but she claimed she was "afraid" of me.. She knew when we started i was suicidal... i told her again i was when i tried to get back on those damn pills...


Not even sure why i told you guys all that.. none of what im saying makes sense im sure. I just need a break in my head. sleep is the only place i dont think.. Im looking for my passage to sleep forever.


I play aton of runescape and other video games to try to occupy my mind everyday before i get upset and go to sleep.. i smoke weed nonstop however i am running out of funds as of lately.
Im not some degenerate whos just wasting his life away.. i feel crippled everyday... It's been almost 3 years since i lost her. I dont know what my first step is here. If anyone wants to reach out and try to ask the right questions by all means... I dont want to live through my dad dying.. I see it in his face everyday hes so broken over what i've become..

My life was set, i had a great union plumbing job... Getting more and more respect every day from the company i worked for... i lost everything... its been almost 3 years and i dont know where those 3 years have went.

My mind runs a mile a minute every single day thinking about the past.. im suprised i was able to type this much out. I've attempted twice and failed miserably.. I hopefully will find my way out on here :)

much love you all of you going through struggles of your own. I dont wish these feelings on my worst enemies. I just need it all to stop