Hello guys! I'm a long time lurker, but I just recently signed up for my account as of today. I'm passively suicidal, but as I grow older, the urge to end it all becomes much stronger. From a relative standpoint, I guess my life hasn't been too bad, but existentially, I just can't take it. I'm one of those people who managed to grow up and still have their imagination intact, so I'm stuck in whatever pleasant imaginary-scape that my mind would rather be in throughout the day. The closest I've ever gotten to CTB would be during a few years ago when I attempted to get "N" from the person that you all know as "A". I had the money, I was ready to go through with it, and I stopped. Why? Not because I'm afraid of actually CTB, but because I don't want to run the risk of having anything stopped by authorities. What a silly concern right? You manage to find the holy grail of all buses, and you miss it because of something that may or may not even happen. Ever since then, I've just been going through life, hating each day I wake up and trying to fake a smile for everyone.