Introduce yourself

[daisymayhem]

Hi
I've been looking on here for the last month or so now and have finally plucked up the currage to talk. I'm in my late 40s, always felt like I didn't fit in, self harmed, had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I met the love of my life and the noises in my head calmed, they were still there, just quiet. I thought I had found my safe space. I was wrong, they have been having doubts, aren't sure if they want to be married to me anymore after nearly 10 years together. They have strung me along for the last 3 months saying they don't know what they want. I'm heart broken. Both at losing my best friend but also that someone who said they love me can be breaking up with me in this way, no one knows as I'm in limbo, I had to go through the last 90 days acting like everything is normal. One minute getting kisses, the next being told that it's too complicated. I'm broken. I'm not sure why I am holding on, a small glimmer of hope I guess. My mental health has crumbled, I hardly sleep and the last week I have hardly eaten. I'm not sure how I still have a job. I guess I just want someone to talk to.

Hi silly question but how old is he? Could he be having some kind of midlife crisis? From what you've just said he sounds unsure of what he wants and appears to be sending mixed messages. You know what you want so the problems his and he needs to pull his socks up and stop being so flakey. Sorry if I'm sounding unsympathetic towards him, I just dont get why people cant say what they mean.It's not like you've changed over night have you? Is there anything you can put your finger on? You need to tell him it's having a detrimental effect on your mental health and you have to protect yourself. If he has a problem or he feels you've done something then get it out in the open. Limbo is an awful place to be. And good for you for speaking up. I'm 60 and have similar urges as you. It doesn't take much to push us closer to edge.x

 

[Onelessstraw]

Hi silly question but how old is he? Could he be having some kind of midlife crisis? From what you've just said he sounds unsure of what he wants and appears to be sending mixed messages. You know what you want so the problems his and he needs to pull his socks up and stop being so flakey. Sorry if I'm sounding unsympathetic towards him, I just dont get why people cant say what they mean.It's not like you've changed over night have you? Is there anything you can put your finger on? You need to tell him it's having a detrimental effect on your mental health and you have to protect yourself. If he has a problem or he feels you've done something then get it out in the open. Limbo is an awful place to be. And good for you for speaking up. I'm 60 and have similar urges as you. It doesn't take much to push us closer to edge.x

One person knows that they are putting me through and they think the same. Im probably being over paranoid, but I odnt want to put lots of stuff on here with details just incase they come looking and find me on here. Is that silly? They know that I'm going to therapy, whatever the outcome is I have had enough, life is so bloody hard and I just don't have the energy for it.

 

[daisymayhem]

One person knows that they are putting me through and they think the same. Im probably being over paranoid, but I odnt want to put lots of stuff on here with details just incase they come looking and find me on here. Is that silly? They know that I'm going to therapy, whatever the outcome is I have had enough, life is so bloody hard and I just don't have the energy for it.

I hear you. Once the down spike kicks in it's hard to get off it. No it's not silly, but your needing to offload and where better than a Group full of like minded strangers or would they prefer you went talking to all the nearest and dearest. So don't you feel bad for for talking. There comes a time when you have to put your mental health first. What I do know is most of us with mental health problems are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We have to be to live with ourselves. You keep talking and doing what your doing.

 

[Onelessstraw]

I hear you. Once the down spike kicks in it's hard to get off it. No it's not silly, but your needing to offload and where better than a Group full of like minded strangers or would they prefer you went talking to all the nearest and dearest. So don't you feel bad for for talking. There comes a time when you have to put your mental health first. What I do know is most of us with mental health problems are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We have to be to live with ourselves. You keep talking and doing what your doing.

I don't feel bad for talking, I just don't want them to see these messages. I'm not sure how they would as it took me ages to find this site, just a little paranoid I guess that someone will tell someone outside of this site


We had an argument on holiday, my first experience on menopause rage. I didn't know it could happen, we never argue. I've taken steps so it doesn't happen again. I was really horrible we were both drunk. They said it brought up a lot of stuff they were unhappy with, I have worked those things. They were small things, like being abrupt since my dad died and not as affectionate , being defensive when I'm told I've done something wrong. I would have done them sooner if I had known. They said that all the little things have happened and they haven't spoke out has made it a big thing and the argument opened the gate to how they actually weren't happy about these things even though they were easy fixes. They said I have done everything they have asked but they don't know if it's enough. I want to help and support them but one minute I'm their soul mate the next they won't even hold my hand. They said they need to open up more but they haven't, so I have no idea where I stand and I know I could brush myself off and start again but I don't want to. Life has always been so hard and I couldn't really be bothered with it in my 20s, I go out, I do therapy, I have hobbies and I really still don't enjoy any of it. It's just something I feel like I'm forced to do, even before this happened

 

[daisymayhem]

I don't feel bad for talking, I just don't want them to see these messages. I'm not sure how they would as it took me ages to find this site, just a little paranoid I guess that someone will tell someone outside of this site


We had an argument on holiday, my first experience on menopause rage. I didn't know it could happen, we never argue. I've taken steps so it doesn't happen again. I was really horrible we were both drunk. They said it brought up a lot of stuff they were unhappy with, I have worked those things. They were small things, like being abrupt since my dad died and not as affectionate , being defensive when I'm told I've done something wrong. I would have done them sooner if I had known. They said that all the little things have happened and they haven't spoke out has made it a big thing and the argument opened the gate to how they actually weren't happy about these things even though they were easy fixes. They said I have done everything they have asked but they don't know if it's enough. I want to help and support them but one minute I'm their soul mate the next they won't even hold my hand. They said they need to open up more but they haven't, so I have no idea where I stand and I know I could brush myself off and start again but I don't want to. Life has always been so hard and I couldn't really be bothered with it in my 20s, I go out, I do therapy, I have hobbies and I really still don't enjoy any of it. It's just something I feel like I'm forced to do, even before this happened

I would think the only people who would even look for site like this are like minded lost souls, so even if they did find it would be because they were looking for the same as everyone else. Turn off notifications so they aren't emailing you when get messages. Your username isn't one anyone who knows would associate with you is it? You sound like your in auto pilot, doing stuff that's expected of you so you look and feel "normal" ( For want of a better word.) Funnily enough I've just been talking about the same thing with the doctor, about just walking down the street with triggers and panic inside but I'm trying to deal with that and look normal at the same time because I know I look weird. Maybe they need to go talk to someone and find whats troubling them. We're conditioned to do what society perceives as normal because it's expected. The menopause is a bitch, my mother started battering my dad when she hit it. I had a hysterectomy at 28 ish and was put through the menopause six months before. So being an angry bitch already I didn't really notice the difference mentally but the physical side was a tough one. It definitely gets harder to pick yourself up and dust yourself off as you get older. I think we feel more vulnerable as we get older and that on top of the vulnerabilities we already have make it worse. Your owning your mis doings and working on fixing them, you can't do anymore than that. Stop being so hard on yourself. Maybe you should push yourself and try a hobby you always wanted to try but never got round to it, sometimes that can rejuvenate our old hobbies again. Do you keep a journal? I do, it's my best friend and my therapist rolled into one and it would never betray my confidence. I've also started trying to write that book I always wanted to write.

 

[Onelessstraw]

I would think the only people who would even look for site like this are like minded lost souls, so even if they did find it would be because they were looking for the same as everyone else. Turn off notifications so they aren't emailing you when get messages. Your username isn't one anyone who knows would associate with you is it? You sound like your in auto pilot, doing stuff that's expected of you so you look and feel "normal" ( For want of a better word.) Funnily enough I've just been talking about the same thing with the doctor, about just walking down the street with triggers and panic inside but I'm trying to deal with that and look normal at the same time because I know I look weird. Maybe they need to go talk to someone and find whats troubling them. We're conditioned to do what society perceives as normal because it's expected. The menopause is a bitch, my mother started battering my dad when she hit it. I had a hysterectomy at 28 ish and was put through the menopause six months before. So being an angry bitch already I didn't really notice the difference mentally but the physical side was a tough one. It definitely gets harder to pick yourself up and dust yourself off as you get older. I think we feel more vulnerable as we get older and that on top of the vulnerabilities we already have make it worse. Your owning your mis doings and working on fixing them, you can't do anymore than that. Stop being so hard on yourself. Maybe you should push yourself and try a hobby you always wanted to try but never got round to it, sometimes that can rejuvenate our old hobbies again. Do you keep a journal? I do, it's my best friend and my therapist rolled into one and it would never betray my confidence. I've also started trying to write that book I always wanted to write.

I keep one already, it has everything I want to say and can't, all the unanswered questions, all the raw emotion and hurt and small pieces of hope I had before the I love yous stopped. I also have a therapist, my friends to talk to, things to do but nothing has any meaning. I've been depressed before, but there has always been hope that kept me going. I just don't feel that now.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Hi everyone. 44 year-old female from the US. I have been lurking here for over a year and decided it was time to finally join because I don't interact much with anyone in real life or even online but the people here seem to really understand and be really nice.
I was diagnosed with severe OCD several years ago. It is hell. I started feeling depressed in my early 20s. I remember the first time I thought about ctb I was about 22. I have never had any desire to grow old and experience all the horrors that come with aging. It wasn't until last year that I made two attempts to ctb. They were stupid unreliable methods, but they taught me that SI can be really strong and hard to overcome, which makes ctb so difficult. I'm too wimpy and stupid to look into something more reliable like hanging, but I appreciate the fact that I can get detailed information here if I ever choose to do so. My second attempt left me in a mental facility. My experience there was actually not bad, especially in comparison to most stories here. It was almost like a vacation from reality and sometimes I think I actually want to go back which scares me. Especially lately as the depression feels like it is starting to get worse again, and I don't know what to do about it because my therapy is for exposure therapy for the OCD and not really for depression. Other than the exposure therapy I don't leave the house much and would be perfectly fine living as a hermit. I live with my parents, my mom has a lot of health issues, I sort of am an unofficial caretaker for her and just help her out and keep her entertained since she has so many challenges. Honestly, being around her just makes me more scared to grow old and more desperate to figure out a way to someday ctb.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

[mercutiomartis]

Hello, I'm Martis, I stumbled on this website and was lurking for a few months. I've been considering ctb for a very long time kind of as a distant option in case things got really bad. Now the option seems much closer to me and I wanted a space where I could talk about it openly without feeling judged or worried that I'll end up in a facility or something.

I'm 25F from the west coast and I was raised by a very stern, emotionless dad who equates being mentally ill as a flaw in a person and a hyper religious mom who always implies that I am lacking some spiritual substance that's contributing to my condition. I was diagnosed with MDD with psychotic features almost a year ago and spent a good chunk of time in the hospital - this was after years of treatment on antidepressants and therapy that ultimately resulted in an unfortunate psychotic breakdown. I kind of view having a psychotic disorder as a death sentence and a large part of me wants to ctb because I never want to experience a psychotic episode again. To me, it's a terminal illness.

I also went through a major life change that has really changed my perspective of things. I was in a very serious relationship and was attending school and it all kind of blew up in my face in a matter of months that left me alone, back home with my parents, and in a boatload of debt. I had a stable, comfortable life and it derailed completely. I don't think realistically I'll ever get to a point where I feel as content with my life as I did a few years ago. I'm honestly very tired of the cycle of seeking help, going on medication, feeling slightly better, and then just having the rug pulled from under me and falling deeper into depression.

Anyway, I'm unemployed, I watched a lot of tv and movies, I play a lot of corny mobile games designed for middle aged stay at home moms, I really like sugary drinks.

I hope to make some connections here and make myself a part of the community while I'm still around. Thanks for reading :)

Everyone should have a right to a peaceful exit - not just the terminally ill elderly people but everyone. Millions of people commit slow suicide through their lifestyle and dietary choices, so the fact that someone who wants to check out faster is condemned by this society is insane. I hope the present-day euthanasia movement finally comes to accept this, and that the rest of the society follows.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I think that having a debilitating mental illness is parallel to having a physical one, and it feels inhumane to be forced to endure it because your vital organs are still functioning. Anyway - hello!

Hello, all. Just joined, but have lurked for some time. I am a 27 yo teacher that has no promising prospects in his future. I am approaching a new school year that I dread will be a repeat of the last, and have no agency to control it. I like anime, video games, and comics so I am a real catch! /s Anyway, just looking to speak with people of similar mindsets to feel less alone in my self-imposed urban hermit lifestyle. If you want to chat about whatever, I'm game; will be more social interaction then I would normally get lol

Hi! Just joined too - I am also an urban-ish hermit that likes video games and comics. What are you currently playing?

 

[Noct]

Hello, I just joined .I'm 19 trans-M and my body, life, and mind have given me no hope for a future. I plan to CTB by January but honestly if I can sooner don't think I'll wait that long

For me, life will be transition or die; however, with unsupportive family, a lack of any resources, and no way to fund myself through a transition I have absolutely no hope that my life will ever be worth living even if I can sort our my mental disorder issues and my fucking Bulimia. If I try to transition, I will end up on the streets unable to pay for living or a transition at that point. If I don't transition, I will CTB as soon as I fucking can I don't give a fuck how many times I have to try. But the biggest issue is that even if I can transition, my genetic bone and body structure is so fucked that I know I will never get to be happy in my own flesh and blood so I'd rather it be spilled out onto my tiles or some concrete. Not to mention my body is disfigured by all my purging, hundreds of cutting scars, the word worthless over my ribs, burn scars, and more.

As briefly mentioned, I'm a self harmer of 5-6 years but trust me I'm a coward at that too so it's not my planned method, just an added bonus for all the times I have attempted CTB and in my plan for January where I ideally succeed. I'm quite active on selfharm.pics (not under the same user) if anyone else here is on there. I have an awesome therapist who I will rant and rave about till the end of time, but even he knows what's inevitable for me (cause I'm an unlovable waste) so we just have a deal mapped out so he doesn't face any legal repercussions once I'm dead.

Oh but to get to know me outside all that I'm a mediocre gamer, sometimes shitty poet, artist, constant gifter, and necrotic bleeding heart (meaning I cycle between depressive complete apathy or feeling everything WAY too fucking strong). And I read a lot of shitty comics.

Just honestly looking for some understanding company in the mean time who I don't have to filter myself with.

 

[majortom4438]

Hi, I'm 24 soon to be 25 English isn't my first lenguaje, Indeed I may make a lot of gramatical and syntaxis errors, also am not very smart so put my thoughts into words it's kinda difficult.
New to the forum obviously and just wanted to vent or to talk or to find another perspective or IDK anymore
I tried ctb (sorry couldn't find any glossary around here, not sure if ctb means what I think it means but yeah) like six years ago, failed and kepp going in a zombie mood. What I'm trying to say is I'm glad not only that I found this forum, but that it exist itself, when I tried searching for information I found nothing,so now seeing people having more options, more info and more support on their chooses to leave or stay makes me kinda happy
Good luck for everyone hope I can contribute with all of you

 

[DedCircut303]

Hi, Im Circut.
I found out about this site recently, and now I'm here because I don't feel so alone on this site. I'm unsure of my future, CTB or otherwise, but as of right now, I'm here.
Oh yea, I'm 24, soon to be 25 in a couple of months.

 

[razorblade_sky]

Hey everyone,

Nice to meet you all. I've been lurking the last two weeks, feel nervous making a post but here we go. I've never joined up to a forum before! Always been a lurker on the internet, never a participator.

I'm 36, from the UK. Had an attempt in May. Still feeling like a failure from that. I wasn't aware of this forum at that time, I wish I had been, I've learnt a lot the last couple of weeks. I've tried to turn things around since May by participating in various physical activities, counselling and trying to focus on self-improvement. However, I'm beginning to feel that I've not really made any progress. I still feel there's far too many things wrong and I'm struggling to see a future where I feel content or happy.

Therefore I've started contemplating another attempt. I feel quite isolated as I work from home and have no partner or friends. However, I don't feel so alone after reading through these welcome posts, you seem like a nice bunch!

Thank you for reading.

 

[GargoyleFiend]

Hello, nice to finally be able to say hi.

I've been using this site on and off for the last few years, whenever my depression is really bad. I can usually keep myself sufficiently distracted from how bad life really is. (I can go on and on about everything that's wrong with the world, but ill save that for somewhere else). I've been on and off of medication, some have helped some haven't. People have told me all through my life I have autism, but i've never been formally diagnosed. it makes sense though.

i've always been a loner. i don't know if it's because i don't like them or they don't like me, but making friendships have always been difficult. I've struggled my entire life. SI, general unhappiness, you name it. I just want to be normal, live a normal life, but I feel as if I'm cursed to fail. I'm 23. I've tried to ctb once before, a few years ago, and it didn't end well and it scared me enough to not try again.

recently i got some bad news that has me feeling like my world is crumbling around me, and it has left me spiraling. all the bad decisions i've made over the years can't be put off for any longer. I look around, and all i just don't see a way that happiness is obtainable for me. i can't see a way out of the situation i've gotten myself into, other than ctb. other than that, is continuing to live for another 40 years of working just to barely get a few weeks off a year worth it? is it worth it to live under so much stress of where my next meal is going to come from, if i'm going to be able to pay rent, leaving nothing left to actually enjoy life, which is what we should be able to do.

 

[IrishBug]

hey, I am a male in my 40's. I've suffered a lot through life from mental illness, addiction & isolation. Now I have been diagnosed with Parkinson's.

The tremor so far is manageable but the worsening effect it is having on my mental illness is definitely not. I would say my main health issue is still the mental illness.

I see a new specialist next week, hopefully they can help but I am not holding my breath.

A few years back I ordered N but only received a knock at the door and a stay in the psych ward.

I'm glad to meet you all and have access to the info I need when the time comes.

Talk soon!

 

[Sanvean72#]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

Hi, I am so thankful and grateful for this site, and looking forward to being a member of this community.
I can not bear this relentless endless suffering anymore, I have nowhere to turn to or get away from urbanisation and find a place to live where I know I will find the peace,serenity and solitude my soul so desperately needs.

 

[Jeklah]

The life you once had, was it the life you wanted or like me, was it the life you knew was expected by society? Being lonely sucks, tho to me it's the lesser of the evils, better than getting it wrong again. I lost my family for speaking about my past so get where your coming from. I fully intend to end it. I just have loose ends to tie up.
On that cheerful note, hi and welcome. I've joined a few days ago.

The life I once had...I suppose it is split into 2. One where I was happy when I was dating. And one where I wasn't happy, but still had friends and family close, went out more, went to gigs, had good times.

Neither were to do with what society has expected of me, I've always done things for myself.

I wish for either back tbh.

But yeah having no one in your family or friends to talk to sucks. Last time I talked to my brother about it he got annoyed and said "you do you I'm too busy for this".
Like gee, thanks.

But it's good to have a group here to talk to.

 

[dune_dweller]

37/F

Since January of this year I've just been taking hits, physical-wise.

I had started the year intending to make big changes and then it was like the universe said, "Nope. Fuck you" and completely knocked me off course.

I am just so fucking tired of having the hope and the ambitions but literally feeling powerless to do anything about them.

Financially limited, and now physically limited, to the point where I can tear a muscle or knock a vertebrae out of place just lying down.

So still stuck being a NEET and older hikikomori living with my asshole elderly father who I'll probably end up having to take care of.

What a life.

 

[betteroffthandead]

Hi there!

I've been lurking on this site on and off whenever my mind becomes a particularly painful place to be in since I discovered it in August of 2023, but only a few days ago did my mind become so uninhabitable that I felt compelled to create an account.

I'm a 24yo from the US. I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and suicidality since I was thirteen. I have some family trauma and a whole lot of genetic predisposition toward mental illness that contribute to my issues. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm suspected to have OCD, as well. I started self harming at age seventeen. I was free from self harm for over three years until I relapsed in the Fall of 2023. I'm mostly managing to abstain from self harm again, but I had a few serious relapses this past winter, and some minor ones more recently

I've struggled greatly in school since age thirteen, and it's a big source of my depression and low self esteem. I still haven't graduated from college (undergrad) even though I'm 24 because I keep having to take semesters off and I recently transferred schools. I also struggle with day-to-day tasks like keeping my room clean, doing laundry, showering, brushing my teeth, and the list goes on and on... I'm addicted to my phone, and I spend most of my time lying in bed scrolling. I feel like I'm wasting my life.

Lately my suicidal thoughts have been arising because I'm doing poorly again after a relatively long (for me) period of doing fairly well and feeling hopeful. I have tried so many avenues of treatment in the form of eleven years of talk therapy, six different medications, DBT, residential treatment, EMDR, and ketamine infusions, and none of them have worked long term. I feel less and less hopeful that I will ever reach a point where life comes easily to me.

I'm still in a place where I want to avoid suicide if possible, but only if I can make more of my life than the way I'm squandering it right now. I haven't developed a personal moral stance on the right to personal choice when it comes to suicide for mental health reasons, so at the moment I don't feel comfortable giving others any sort of information or commentary that could aid or encourage them in dying by suicide, but I'm also not here to judge anyone. I just want a place where I can speak openly without worrying about placing an emotional burden on anyone, and where I can be in a community that understands what I'm going through.

I'm not going to go by my real name on here since it's somewhat unique, but you can call me Lou if you want, since my username is a Velvet Underground lyric :)

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

OK, I posted a new thread somewhere else, so I'll reintroduce myself, I have BPD, self harmed since my teens, got other health issues, I go to heavy metal festivals, and like to listen to rock, metal, punk and goth music. struggled all the way though life, and recently lost my best friend, so am totally screwed up mentally.

 

[shrobae]

how are u all

im shro, im from the states, im 18, i like writing, i try my hardest to produce music, and im pretty chilled out.
i used to be schizoaffective and had a lot of bad runs with substance abuse and things like that. ive regained control these days, but its more of a everything in moderation kind of thing. we've all got our problems but i feel closer to solving mine daily.

i firmly believe in alternative medicine and natural psychedelics as formidable methods of treatment and introspection. despite my age i am very emotionally intelligent. i love helping people. i don't feel like i owe the world anything or that it owes me anything. im only doing what i should've done my entire life, live like the benevolent Jesus.

I like chemistry and sociology, with psychology taking a close third. music and languages fascinate me as well, and i love learning in general.

I love talking to people despite having trouble with it. Anyone is welcome to reach out and talk to me and i can be a sounding board for anything you have to say. ill end my intro right here to prevent making people bored, but yeah. my messages are always open!

 

[nolongerhumannn]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

helloo, im conny or connor.
i enjoy philosophical nonsense and getting a good laugh out of people who encourage me to live.
i love saiki k, lain, nge and a couple of other anime's, i'm pretty basic :3

 

[Meowers]

Hello,

Decided to make an account in this site after lurking as a non-member. I'm pretty nervous and self-conscious when making posts like these.

I am a Filipino-Chinese. A 22-year old compulsive self-harmer with no dreams or ambitions. I'll be staying in the United States around 27th or 28th for one year as part of my internship program. Decided to leave my country due to constantly being SA'ed and emotionally abused at home. I knew I have to escape, and going to the US is my only ticket to "freedom", or so I hope. I tell myself everyday if life didn't get better there I will CTB.

I hate myself very much, and the antidepressants don't seem to work anymore. Everyone my age seem to be earning money, going to dates, being successful at work and here I am achieving nothing at all. The only thing that brings me joy is slicing my arm.

Anyways, it's nice to meet you! Being here brings me so much comfort knowing that I am not alone feeling like this. I hope that I will be able to interact with the community here, people here seems to be nice ones! My inbox is also open in case anyone wants to have a chat. Though I would apologize if I don't make sense sometimes, English isn't my first language. I hope that the one reading this have a good day.

 

[prettymenherachan]

Hello. Call me Menhera Chan or Kira
I am a mysterious and cool internet figure, known mainly for eating cup ramen and posting on image boards. Obviously I am living the life as you can see.

I enjoy conversing with people on image boards because most other social media has gone to shit. Why have an interesting discussion when you can mindlessly attack people, or repeat the same stock comments over and over.

I have a slightly sarcastic sense of humor, but I do not mean to come across as belittling. If you are on this site then I consider you a friend, as we have both gone through the same terrible trials of life to end up on a forum like this. As such, you can count on me for advice. I prefer to give advice in terms of recovery, but I had no judgement towards those who have decided to ctb; I just do not know how helpful I can be for that.

I also like the character Menhera-Chan, as you can guess by my icon. In terms of other interests I am fond of video games, both "real" games and gachaslop. Currently as I write this I am playing ZZZ and FC5. I also read, in theory, when I can get out of bed. My current reads are Othello and Annihilation, both for college courses.

 

[BrownNoise]

Hello everyone,

You can call me M. I am around 35 years old with really nothing great to show for my years, nor do I have anything interesting to share about myself as I've never done anything particularly cool, I have hardly traveled, I have always been lower middle class with no money to vacation or try new restaurants or anything similar. and despite having a couple cool hobbies like skateboarding and gaming, I was always mediocre at best despite loving them so much. My biggest acomplishments are a dual major undergraudate degree and I am halfway though my masters program.

I still struggle with addiction, despite successfully quitting IV heroin over a decade ago. I no longer can drink after relapsing and causing problems for myself, and now I doubly must avoid alcohol due to the slew medications I take.

I also quit my job that I really loved about two weeks ago due to being bipolar. I now just smoke weed, take my cocktail of meds for my bipolar and crippling anxiety, and study/do coursework. I never thought I would graduate high school, so my lame online masters program is a big deal to me. Unfortunately, and further proof of how pathetic I am, I have realized that I choose a field that I cannot sustain because of my mental health. I really have no idea what I will do.

Currently, I am supported and live with my dad and handicap sister. At this point, being a socially anxious awkward weirdo virgin with no romantic relationships for over 30 years now, I have accepted my reality and would be more than fine to just leach off my dad until he dies and I go with them. However, my dad is old and growing sick and still has 4 years left before he can retire. Homelessness is certainly on the horizon for me. and much sooner than I dreaded. I won't go through it a second time. My plan (or the back up plan depending on what I can gather) to CTB will get rolling the day I am removed from squatting at my dad's apartment.

I look forward to joining the community, and I hope I am able to contribute in a meaningful way.

It is nice to meet you all and I look forward to get to know you guys better.

Thanks for having me,
-M

 

[ixkitty]

こんばんは (Good evening).
キチィ です。( I'm Kitty!.) Im a Non-binary (Female looking) that lives in the confines of Alabama. I'm currently navigating through who knows what!

I enjoy anime and drawing (I'm bad at it). I'm currently learning Japanese in my own free time and I recently applied to Nursing school here. I guess I'm waiting for some sort of future?

I am BDSM involved but the community here kind of poof'd.. so there's that.

I try to be a great listener but I'm also non confrontational. I've ran away from situations where I feel pressured.. I dislike politics and unless you specifically ask I tend to not tell. I personally don't care which way you swing I'm just ignorant to it.

I'm terrible at healthy disagreements so I will run away.

In any case, welcome to the train wreck that is my life!

 

[prettymenherachan]

こんばんは (Good evening).
キチィ です。( I'm Kitty!.) Im a Non-binary (Female looking) that lives in the confines of Alabama. I'm currently navigating through who knows what!

I enjoy anime and drawing (I'm bad at it). I'm currently learning Japanese in my own free time and I recently applied to Nursing school here. I guess I'm waiting for some sort of future?

I am BDSM involved but the community here kind of poof'd.. so there's that.

I try to be a great listener but I'm also non confrontational. I've ran away from situations where I feel pressured.. I dislike politics and unless you specifically ask I tend to not tell. I personally don't care which way you swing I'm just ignorant to it.

I'm terrible at healthy disagreements so I will run away.

In any case, welcome to the train wreck that is my life!

こんばんは、キチィ たん。げんきですか？
I'm sure I butchered that, I'm still learning.
It must be hard being non binary in Alabama.
Nursing school is very hard, but pays well and can be fulfilling. Good luck with it!

Hello everyone,

You can call me M. I am around 35 years old with really nothing great to show for my years, nor do I have anything interesting to share about myself as I've never done anything particularly cool, I have hardly traveled, I have always been lower middle class with no money to vacation or try new restaurants or anything similar. and despite having a couple cool hobbies like skateboarding and gaming, I was always mediocre at best despite loving them so much. My biggest acomplishments are a dual major undergraudate degree and I am halfway though my masters program.

I still struggle with addiction, despite successfully quitting IV heroin over a decade ago. I no longer can drink after relapsing and causing problems for myself, and now I doubly must avoid alcohol due to the slew medications I take.

I also quit my job that I really loved about two weeks ago due to being bipolar. I now just smoke weed, take my cocktail of meds for my bipolar and crippling anxiety, and study/do coursework. I never thought I would graduate high school, so my lame online masters program is a big deal to me. Unfortunately, and further proof of how pathetic I am, I have realized that I choose a field that I cannot sustain because of my mental health. I really have no idea what I will do.

Currently, I am supported and live with my dad and handicap sister. At this point, being a socially anxious awkward weirdo virgin with no romantic relationships for over 30 years now, I have accepted my reality and would be more than fine to just leach off my dad until he dies and I go with them. However, my dad is old and growing sick and still has 4 years left before he can retire. Homelessness is certainly on the horizon for me. and much sooner than I dreaded. I won't go through it a second time. My plan (or the back up plan depending on what I can gather) to CTB will get rolling the day I am removed from squatting at my dad's apartment.

I look forward to joining the community, and I hope I am able to contribute in a meaningful way.

It is nice to meet you all and I look forward to get to know you guys better.

Thanks for having me,
-M

In a way, it is reassuring to me that you are 35, because it shows me that I can make it that far when it a sometimes hard for me to imagine surviving another year. You are very strong, M.

 

[ixkitty]

こんばんは、キチィ たん。げんきですか？
I'm sure I butchered that, I'm still learning.
It must be hard being non binary in Alabama.
Nursing school is very hard, but pays well and can be fulfilling. Good luck with it!

Oh you did a lovely job! It's キチィ「さん」I appreciate that effort. It makes me happy. it's not too terrible here but that's because I don't fight for my pronouns. I know people that have a time because they do want people to use their pronouns. I'm terrible at speaking up so .. that lol!
If I was good at anything else I'd probably go for it ! But for now, this will do

 

[Privateer2368]

43 m.

I was sexually abused through most of my childhood. As a result I abandoned the plan to be a scientist and devoted my life to stopping people doing bad things to each other and saving people from bad situations.

Army, navy, coastguard, fire service, police and now...well, I won't say where I am now.

I failed too many times. I can't even...I can't function in any context outside of life-or-death emergencies. I go looking for them off duty.

I'm hypersexual and it's destroyed my marriage.

Uh, beyond that...I like growing plants, hiking, reading fantasy and folk and heavy metal music.

 

[LuxVan]

Hello.

You can call me LuxVan. Genderqueer (boy/girl), 23, and quite suicidal. Living has been a very unpleasant experience for me, and I would rather not be alive for longer than I wish to.

My plan is for the deadline to be hitting thirty. But if things get significantly worse I'd want it to be before then

It's come to this for many reasons, but the main ones range from severe mental illness (depression, two personality disorders), trauma (sexual, childhood, abuse), maltreatment for being autistic, romantic loneliness and fear for the future. I also just do not want to age that far.

I love video games, manga, anime (shoujo, psychological, dark fantasy and horror being my faves), metal, and Visual Kei. Though I am pretty new to the last.

 

[Bitchophrenic]

Hey all,

I'm 18 F, and love psychological horror games!
I've played through:
Milk inside a bag of milk
Milk outside a bag of milk
Fear and hunger
Fear and hunger: Termina
Looking up I only see a ceiling
Lost in vivo
(Idk if this counts) the coffin of Andy and Leyley

I'm a failing law student, already falling behind in all classes, but hey that's not that big a deal.
I've been extremely alone lately and hope that connecting myself here can help with that. Otherwise, I've had a lot of thoughts about CTB for the last couple of months, and aren't exactly certain on how to go forward on things.