Introduce yourself

[Levia@than]

Hello:D

I am a aspiring musician. (assuming I live till then) I play guitar, sing, and write music.
I'm gender fluid and bisexual :p

I'm on the verge of killing myself and I'm trying my best to bring myself back to a better place.

 

[Michaud67]

I'm male, 56 from Toronto, Canada. 2023 has been a painful year, with misery following me every step of the way. I've tried to convince myself there is hope and potential light at the end of the tunnel, but prospects are increasingly bleak. Looking to connect, and highly considering CTB, but like many others here, am looking for a quick, painless, and sureshot way of going. I'm finding out there are no guarantees no matter what method is used, but as foolproof as possible. SN seems to be a popular suggestion, but obtaining it in pure form seems tricky, as does adminstering it in the right quantity without vomiting etc.

Any thoughts, and suggestions are welcome.

 

[koro]

Hi,
For now you can call me Koro i guess.
I'm male, very young, german, and have no actual friends.
I find it hard to sleep but once I do I like being in my own dreams.
I'm also a big fan of japanese music and modern technology, and I love playing various types of video games (really I play a lot).
Also I am very introverted so if you intend to contact me I'd probably stick with chatting for a while.

 

[dustyrainbow]

Hi! I'm dustyrainbow, but just call me dusty.
I chose the name because... you can't get rid of dust. No matter how hard you try. You can temporarily remove it, but not forever. Also it starts to cover everything. Slowly, but if you don't take care, your furniture, your items are covered, you can't see their true colors anymore.
dust is how my depression feels. A race I can't win.
Rainbows... I love rainbows. It represents the bright parts of my life. The hopes, wishes, goals... And there are so many, many aspects of life you'd normally enjoy, love, feel.
But the depression will do everything to ruin it. Yet the rainbow is still there, you can't see its colours anymore. As if you're looking through a very dirty window. After a time you almost forget how a real rainbow looks like.

There's a fact about me: I love metaphors. And meanings behind something. In a way I'm creative! I like photography, painting, drawing, playing piano, produce electronic music...
There are lot of ways to express myself or capture how I perceive the world around me.

As I already mentioned, I suffer from depression. In my personal opinion it's a mix of Borderline, Autism-Spectrum-Disorder and Depression. But I'm not officially diagnosed with autism.
I'd say I have a hard time living; too many and strong emotions, no emotions at all, everything is too much or too underwhelming, I'm struggling with social interactions, yet I need them.
I'm stuck in a cycle of extremes everywhere.

Currently I'd also say I'm at the best situation of my lifetime. I finally have an own apartment; my family supports me; I found 1-2 friends; I have hobbies; I have great educational opportunities;...
There's literally nothing more I want. It's all I dreamed of, over years!
But it doesn't fulfill me anyway. I imagined being finally happy with my life when I achieved everything but I'm not.
And it hurts so much, knowing I could be happy, but I'm not. What's missing? Why can't I just be okay with my existence?
I even feel bad for feeling terrible despite my great life situation. I don't have any right to feel that way...

I don't know if this is a proper introduction. It's more about my thoughts, not about who I am. But I couldn't tell who I am anyway.

I'm definitely in hope for feeling better in future. Tbh most of the time I feel okay; but then there are these 2-3 hours a day where everything crashes and I just don't wanna anymore. It's complicated. But there's a part in me that just wants to end it all and that's why I'm here.
Not to be alone anymore. Maybe find better ways to cope than destroying myself. Maybe find "the way out". Who knows. But I need someone to talk to.

~ dusty

 

[M30W]

You will need to post a bit more before people can pm you :

leek now fan what are you doing here !?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

Hello everyone.

I am a 23 year old loser with nothing going for them in life. I am destined to a life of extreme loneliness. I am absolutely certain that I will soon be abandoned by my family and friends once they have their lives established. They're in a much better spot to do so, unlike me.

I have absolutely zero redeeming qualities about myself. I will most likely CTB Shuaiby style before I turn 30. I also like FPS games.

 

[wastebin0]

i want to fly away, far away from this existence and meet death peacefully without the journey of painful thing called life.
i want to be free, i don't want to feel any anything, i want a freedom from consciousness.

 

[Thomas Kub]

Hi people,

I'm a 23yo guy living in europe. I've been suicidal for many years (with a few very little breaks when I actually believed everything's gonna be fine).
I suffer from OCD, love video games, books and all things horror. I'm also interested in ancient history and astronomy.

I've actually spend some time incognito here before creating this account so I already know I can enjoy some chill, quality time here;)

Oh and I love Project X, bet you didn't notice.

 

[lumipallo]

Hiya!

I'm a 33/M from the Baltics.
Developed a pretty severe panic disorder in my early 20s that I'm still dealing with. Very much disabled my life and stuff I could/couldn't do.
Been "depressed" since I can remember myself - nothing really interests me or makes me happy.
Trying to salvage my life atm., seeing if I can find a circle of friends and a sustainable lifestlye so I wouldn't be totally alone as I grow older.
Currently juggling art school, weightlifting and trying to get by so I can keep pretending I like painting (I don't ).

 

[Exitwings]

ExitWings is a play on X-wing. Use it/its pronouns for me please.

I've been lurking for a few months but my resources are super limited so I decided to sign up to actually ask questions and possibly get resource info that everyone PMs to each other (apparently? I understand why, don't worry.)

some stuff I guess:

• severe nonlethal chronic illnesses with progressive symptoms = I am in so much physical pain and so exhausted and it's only going to get worse
• doctors are cowards >:[ (There's a practically risk-free surgery that has a nonzero chance of at least helping my symptoms but they're all too scared to do it)
• 1 failed CTB attempt ;;
• don't believe I'm ending anything, I'm just trying to escape, because of my personal spiritual beliefs. I know there's a possibility I'm wrong but I have nothing to lose. This isn't a leap of faith, it's a crawl of desperation
• in my 30s
• trying to escape physical suffering, severe dysphoria, abusive 'caregiver', etc
• I really really want fent but I'm too mentally exhausted to get to the part where I can actually see what markets are selling online. (The security capchas are too difficult for my literally damaged brain.) Also I'm housebound.
• help ^_^;;

I'm probably in the minority on this forum of "absolutely trying to CTB asap but also very optimistic"? I just want to fly home, but the first step is getting the hell out of this hell.

 

[pagedelight]

Hello

22M
I have no hope for the future and do a little bit of gaming.

 

[judestfrancis]

oh hi hello, how are ya? :)
I'm Jude. i'm 24, married, and soft at heart. i'm a big bookworm and love to get lost in worlds that arent this one.

 

[Nori]

Hi you can call me Nori.
I am 23, and work as a moderately successful graphic designer in New York City designing brands. I paint on the side and have started getting into doing tattoos.
I've come all this way and I think the connections I have made with people are the one thing that is holding me back from running to CTB. That and that I want to repay my mom for all that she has done for me. It is really hard to keep away from those negative thoughts whenever I am by myself. I try to fill that void of silence by going to shows (skramz and hardcore are my favorite!), collecting books/manga, and watching TV (currently watching Sopranos when I rot).
It is nice to come across all of you.

 

[LunarLynx]

Hi hi hiiiiiiiiiii !
At first I was just here to find ways to keep myself safe (CTB). But why not making new friends on the ways that I could see up there ! (I'm not religious tho)

I'm french and love to speak about everything, I can be science, litterature, history, video games, anime, series... Whenever you like and are passionate about !

Hope to see you more on the forum, and if you want to talk my DMs are open !

Bye bye !

 

[cabtube]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

Hi, call me anything and everything, I don't mind. I bounce between interests, but I'm mostly settled with anime and music.
I was going to add more but I feel like I don't owe people much lol. I'm here and that's all you really gotta know

 

[xo_bunni]

Hey I've been lurking for a while now but apparently I need to post more to PM anyone so,

I'm 18 and from texas. I like music, going to shows, skating, anime, makeup, fashion, nature, and cooking.

My mental health's been so shitty for as long as I can remember. I really don't wanna be here anymore but I'm just tryna push through for as long as I can until I figure out how I'm gonna ctb. I look forward to getting to know you guys while I'm here tho <3

 

[twatingthroughlife]

leek now fan what are you doing here !?!?!?!?!?!?!

Oh hi fellow stay. Just trying to go to hell to meet him one day

 

[Return2themoonlight]

Hey fellow like-minded people, I'm a 26m introverted loner who has no friends, no car, no house, never had a gf as an adult, still lives with his mother caring for her without choice as my sibling left abruptly in the middle of the night, and an absolute disgrace of a human. The only things I liked were things to escape reality which was games and anime and even that stopped helping. My life is trainwreck in which I hope to not survive

 

[PaunPaun]

Well hi , i'm an 18 years old high school dropout , i live in france and being scared of your own people (humans) is a problem with only one solution unless i find another solution that will keep me here

 

[Abyssal]

Surprised this passed me by.

Hi, I'm Abyssal. I'm 21 year old female and I plan to die on May 1st of 2024. I cannot afford recovery nor do I have hope in it even if I could, so death it is.

I am pro-choice, but between the world I grew up in as well as the time I've spent studying psychology, I may come off as pro-life to some. Hypocritically I believe in the power behind recovery even if it has failed me.

I try to spend time in both the forum and the chat, but I am often busy from work. If I am active it's because I should be sleeping and I am not.

Fuck trauma, fuck depression, and fuck my life

 

[Emi]

Hi, I am Emi.
I am 29, not going anywhere in life, at least not where I'd like to.
I pulled a gun from an officer once in hopes of him killing me, but I forgot that I am a weak human female lol.

I love cats, chatting on discord, playing video games and immersing myself in spooky topics and watching horror YouTube channels. I don't mind random chats♡

 

[NowhereCabin]

Howdy, new guy here! Call me whetever you want, and refer to me however you want. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Fair warning: I generally punctuate everything I say with either an emote, a keysmash, lol, or lmao. It's a nervous habit. May or may not have given myself a massive palp just signing up for an account and getting approved, because anxiety goes wild when you decide to step into a new social sphere. Don't get too attached though! Not necessarily because I'll be dead any time terribly soon, but just because that also gives me a massive palp as it turns out! I uhh... may or may not be a clown. Responses and notif checking may be inconsistent.

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

Call me Henry i guess, Howdy

i have pretty severe anxiety keeping me from doing lots of things, its kind of a huge bummer lol

i'm in my 20's and i kinda wanna die, kinda don't. i have my good days, bad days, and horrible days. i just hope for many more good days going forward (and for you too!).

if you ever wanna talk, ill listen :)

 

[M30W]

Oh hi fellow stay. Just trying to go to hell to meet him one day

LMAOOO

 

[miasweeping]

Hiiiii ★
I'm Mia and i'm 19, i love music, my favorite band is arctic monkeys, and i love marina and the diamonds (she's a singer, though), i also love musicals, my favorite is moulin rouge and la la land, i also like anime but just the silly ones like nichijou or lucky star
I tried to kill myself with pills before but it didn't work lol, then i tried to improve and overcome whatever was wrong with me and it worked for a while but i guess things got worse instead of better heh, but that's okay ig, right now i'm not really interested in being alive but i'm waiting for my next mental breakdown to do something, so yeah
I don't like the idea of reincarnation, but if that were the case then i would like to be reincarnated as an ant

 

[Princess_Kitty]

Hey , I'm Maya, it's nice to meet everyone. I came here from Reddit and ever since then I've felt like I wasn't alone anymore.

I am transgender Mtf, 31 years old. Being transgender sucks and that's part of the reason why I've had 2 failed suicide attempts in the past.

Let's see.. I enjoy reading sci-fi books(though I haven't been in the reading mood a lot). I love everything to do with anime, it's my to go when I need an escape from this world. Some of my favorite shows are Sword Art Online, Naruto, Rising of the Shield Hero, Fairytale, Avatar, Fullmetal Alchemist.
I also enjoy playing videogames, sometimes I play on my phone other times on PC or consoles. I usually play casual games or RPGs.

Right now, I'm just currently waiting for my turn to leave this world .

 

[2stubborn2die]

Hi. I'm Carlos. I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Disorder as for events occurred when I was 3 to 4 years old. I was tortured and abused in flesh and soul by a woman who was supposed to babysit me, but who was my dad's lover and hated me and my mom. After that, I didn't eat, smile or sleep well, anymore, I really wanted to be dead!

My father died when I was 7, then my mother went totally crazy and violent: she and her mother, my grandma, told me how awful and evil my dad had been and told me that I was "the Son of the Devil".

I choose 2stubborn2die as my nickname because I simply cannot understand why I'm still here.
I know that probably I'm hanging to an illusion, but I still hope... maybe find a woman and feel love again...
I feel so desperately alone!

2024 is my limit to find someone and try to do my best to regain some sort of life purpose. If it does not happen, I'll be quitting myself from the world on 2025.

 

[earth_bound]

Hi,
Im a 18 year old female and have been living with unmedicated BPD my entire life, as well as whatever else happens when 2 of your chromosomes nick each other and u receive chemotherapy lol. Currently I am completely isolated in my social life due to my general reputation being ruined from multiple outbursts and an infatuation with some girl/ex friend. I have not had a social interaction in the past 3 months and am helpless in this situation. Currently debating my options. Other than all that boring stuff I enjoy movies, cats, writing, n music!

 

[Turmeric]

Hi, I'm Turmeric, 22 from Sweden. Haven't left my apartment in 7 months and ready to CTB, deciding on method rn.
Before depression I enjoyed climbing, gaming and painting. I was in school to become a nurse. Now I sit and scroll youtube shorts, reserch CBT methods and play games I don't enjoy to pass the time.

 

[donsie]

Hi, I'm Turmeric, 22 from Sweden. Haven't left my apartment in 7 months and ready to CTB, deciding on method rn.
Before depression I enjoyed climbing, gaming and painting. I was in school to become a nurse. Now I sit and scroll youtube shorts, reserch CBT methods and play games I don't enjoy to pass the time.

Welcome

hi all, ex-lurker here!
i'm 26 and unemployed at the moment because of several mental health issues. been depressed and anxious as long as i can remember, but the thing that mostly affects my will to live is probably the immense feeling of failure and guilt due to my trauma.

i enjoy music, the outdoors and gaming. nice to meet you all! ♡

Welcome
Just a 40 something female ready to CTB. Live in USA. Have tried to ctb over 40 or so times and I can't get it right. I hate most people but mostly I hate myself. Love this website have lurked for too long and decided to join.