I'm still here

[sadsamantha]

Last week, I made a post on here saying that I was going to try to hang myself that night. I got A LOT of responses to it and because I haven't really gotten on here since then, people were asking if I'm still here. Unfortunately, I am, I've just been too depressed to get on the Internet, plus I'm super pissed at myself for not being able to just do it. SO many people commit suicide each year, WHY can't I??? I don't want to be here. Like I said in my post last week, I am facing federal felony charges for cyberstalking my ex boyfriend (the man I love with all my heart and the only person I want to be with) and his new girlfriend. I was arrested 3 weeks ago, spent 5 days in jail, then was released pending trial. It's very likely that I will go back to jail (actually prison) after trial and I just can't do that. Those were the worst 5 days of my life, I can't imagine having to spend years there. I'd. Rather. Die. There are two things keeping me alive though. My low pain tolerance which causes me to back out of hanging every single time, and my grandmother, who has been so good to me, and is now 79 years old, and already lost my mom (her daughter) to suicide 20 years ago. I'm hoping that as we get closer to the court hearings, the reality of going to prison will become very real, and I'll be able to fight through the agonizing, but temporary pain that hanging brings, and end myself. I just pray that when it does happen, my grandma isn't the one who finds my body. She doesn't deserve to have to see that again.

 

[weightedrocks]

Happy ur still with us sis.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a horrible situation to be in and your wish to free yourself from it is understandable. I really envy those who have managed to ctb and it certainly does make ctb by hanging sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear about all these people succeeding with it. But I hope that you find the freedom that you are looking for.

 

[FrozenMango]

That is a difficult situation to be in. I hope the court date doesn't turn up so bad. I wish you luck. Sorry to hear about your troubles

 

[ctb7767]

I think your situation sounds awful and I think it will suck for you for a while, but you didn't kill anyone or do anything permanently damaging. You definitely have some tough days ahead but you will get through it eventually if you choose to go on. Also do you have a lawyer? How do you know that you'll go to prison? Any chance you get a suspended sentence? I am not a lawyer but I think that is a definite possibility.