I'm so sick of muscular men condescending over fat people

[paredler]

I get that fit people are healthier, more beautiful and more disciplined than fat people, but condescending only contributes to the suffering of people who already suffer more than they deserve. Why can't they be a little empathetic? They're already in a privileged position, why make other people feel bad with themselves?

 

[Dot]

Thy r prbbly eqully inscure othrwse thy wld nt trt ppl lke tht in th/ 1st plce tbf

 

[Hvergelmir]

Some fit people are empathetic and supportive!
Others try to be helpful in an insensitive or condescending manner: "Stop complaining, and work harder."
Yet others simply like feeling superior when they can - bullies.

I'm personally leaning towards solving problems first, and consider feelings second.
Solving problems is often tough and requiring hard work, and not always what someone without hope want to hear. At the same time, solutions is what creates hope and potentially long term relief.
I sometimes fear that kind words will encourage people to ignore, exacerbate or prolong a problem.

Trying to be both empathetic and helpful at the same time, can be a very tricky balance.

 

[paredler]

I'm personally leaning towards solving problems first, and consider feelings second.
Solving problems is often tough and requiring hard work, and not always what someone without hope want to hear. At the same time, solutions is what creates hope and potentially long term relief.
I sometimes fear that kind words will encourage people to ignore, exacerbate or prolong a problem.

Trying to be both empathetic and helpful at the same time, can be a very tricky balance.

This is where I divorce from you. I believe in validation first, and solving problems later. If I'm in mental distress, telling me to work harder will only make me feel more resentful towards you. You also need to understand that even if there is a solution, the person doesn't have the physical or ental resources to actually solve the problem. It takes more than knowledge to solve a problem.

When I talk about my body image issues, everybody tells me to exercise more, even if not lifting weights, they tell me to walk to swim. I don't know why I don't want to do it, but I just don't want to. I mentally collapse in front of the couch and watch netflix. Getting myself up seems impossible unless I get up to go to the kitchen, but people kinda ignore the difficulties I'm facing and I feel isolated.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I believe in validation first

To me, politeness and well crafted responses are types of validation. What does validation look like to you (in the context of a forum)?

...people kinda ignore the difficulties I'm facing and I feel isolated.

A lot of people feel like that. I feel the same, and there's absolutely nothing this forum can say to make me feel better. Thus I mostly avoid the topic.
What kind of engagement do you think would make people feel better about their difficulties?

 

[paredler]

To me, politeness and well crafted responses are types of validation. What does validation look like to you (in the context of a forum)?

Agreeing with me that this phenomenon exists and it sucks.

What kind of engagement do you think would make people feel better about their difficulties?

If there's a safe space to share honest feelings without being judged and insulted, that would be sufficient for me.

 

[identity0]

It is difficult and exhausting to understand life from another person's perspective. I suppose in many cases they don't fully realise what they are doing. When trying to help someone change their behaviour in a healthier direction, it seems very tricky to know how to go about it. Some people think they are helping by being harsh and pointing out what you are doing "wrong". Some people were treated badly in their life and it somehow leads to them being bad to others. It's impossible to know why people are how they are. There parallels to be drawn between "why are you fat, just stop eating so much" and "why do you have a bad personality, just be nicer to people and more empathetic".

On the darker side, in many cases it seems humans are generally just awful to each other and have a primitive, hierarchical, monkey-like approach to it all - they are unconsciously acting in their own best interest and trying to push you down in ways that have helped to propagate their genes in the past.

 

[L'absent]

Our species is not healthy when it is muscular. Our species is healthy with a balanced, predominantly vegan diet with added b12. Our species is healthy when it walks many hours a day and does light exercise, swimming, pilates and yoga.

 

[timeless001]

How often are you really judged by your weight on a daily basis? I'm currently fat and nobody in real life is being mean to me. I think oftentimes this is just you own insecurity, in which case: Eat better and hit the gym.

Lifiting weights elivated some of my depression. At least I was able to stick to a schedule, which translated into being more disceplined in other areas as well. I really should get back to it.

 

[paredler]

this is just you own insecurity, in which case: Eat better and hit the gym.

Lifiting weights elivated some of my depression. At least I was able to stick to a schedule, which translated into being more disceplined in other areas as well. I really should get back to it.

You're missing the point. I'm not looking for advice, I'm looking for empathy and validation.

It's impossible to know why people are how they are

The more I explore this world, the more I realise there's no way to know anything about it. Not knowing why people are the way they are is one of a million things that we don't know. I know I'm kinda digressing, but it's hard to live in this world when no one knows anything.

 

[fallendevil]

It's funny when I go on edtwt and see fatspo, using the excuse of them "lacking discipline" but then I check their page and they're on literal cocaine. Addicts judging other addicts.

 

[no_choice]

This world is so cruel and messed up. All bodies are beautiful bodies. <3

 

[paredler]

This world is so cruel and messed up. All bodies are beautiful bodies. <3

I disagree, somebodies are ugly, but I believe it's not their fault and insulting isn't going to help anyone but dominant people to already feel good with themselves.

 

[star.trip]

I think the problem is thinking that a good image is equivalent to thinking that you are a good person or that you are above others. That is not true. Criticizing someone for their looks or their shape says a lot about the person, because they are only looking for perfection, physical beauty and what in social networks triumphs. why do I have to give value to what those 'perfect' people are saying when they are basing it on something physical. Keeping a perfect body, being always young I don't see it very natural and the work and stress it has to give to stay that way, but well everyone will know.

We are human, and sometimes we forget that it is better to relate to each other from respect. (I understand that if you don't like a person because you don't want to interact with them but they don't deserve to be despised either. You just don't choose to interact). We are not just physical, we have our personal qualities which is after all what is most likely to be preserved over time.

perhaps the world would be a better place if we spoke more from the heart than from hate. Life is difficult, complicated so that on top of that they are creating more evil. Envy is very bad.

 

[paredler]

I think the problem is thinking that a good image is equivalent to thinking that you are a good person or that you are above others. That is not true. Criticizing someone for their looks or their shape says a lot about the person, because they are only looking for perfection, physical beauty and what in social networks triumphs. why do I have to give value to what those 'perfect' people are saying when they are basing it on something physical. Keeping a perfect body, being always young I don't see it very natural and the work and stress it has to give to stay that way, but well everyone will know.

We are human, and sometimes we forget that it is better to relate to each other from respect. (I understand that if you don't like a person because you don't want to interact with them but they don't deserve to be despised either. You just don't choose to interact). We are not just physical, we have our personal qualities which is after all what is most likely to be preserved over time.

perhaps the world would be a better place if we spoke more from the heart than from hate. Life is difficult, complicated so that on top of that they are creating more evil. Envy is very bad.

I get what you're saying, but I kinda disagree. First, humans are a very visual animal. Vision is newarly the only sense that we need to have to percieve our environment. When we see a beautiful or an ugly person, it really affects our feelings.

But I think muscular men are way more disciplined than the average person, which means their personality may not be kind t others, but their soul is braver and their psychological state is better.

I think that self discipline, at least for me and other people, is unlearnable. All my life I've been struggling to have self discipline and all I got from it was mental collapse that led to a permanent mental disability. I've been wanting to die for 11 years. I can't function on a daily basis, I'm always emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted. I just want other people to acknowledge that it's not my fault and be more forgiving towards me.

 

[star.trip]

I get what you're saying, but I kinda disagree. First, humans are a very visual animal. Vision is newarly the only sense that we need to have to percieve our environment. When we see a beautiful or an ugly person, it really affects our feelings.

But I think muscular men are way more disciplined than the average person, which means their personality may not be kind t others, but their soul is braver and their psychological state is better.

I think that self discipline, at least for me and other people, is unlearnable. All my life I've been struggling to have self discipline and all I got from it was mental collapse that led to a permanent mental disability. I've been wanting to die for 11 years. I can't function on a daily basis, I'm always emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted. I just want other people to acknowledge that it's not my fault and be more forgiving towards me.

You are right we have different ideas, I also believe that sight is the most used sense but not the only one, we have hearing, touch, smell and all contribute to interpret reality. I have met people who were not very beautiful physically and they were charming as people and self-disciplined. Anyway thanks for giving me your opinion, we don't agree but at least we talked about it.

I'm sorry you feel that way and I don't want to imagine the great effort you have made to be self-disciplined and the illness it has led you to. If my comment offended you I apologize.