ummagumma
Member
- Jan 11, 2024
- 87
a little vent if you dont mind. how sweet that the only ones that hear and understand me are strangers from a creepy suicide online forum 
1) i fucking hate that im so mediocre at every damn thing. ok, im no genius, i dont have really high expectations from myself. i just want to be normal, to be good, to be fine. like 5/10. i dont ask much. but everyting that i do fucking sucks
i cant draw, i cant play piano, i dont know damn languages and cant fucking translate, even tho i wasted 5 fucking years of my miserable life in my fucking university
2) im so pathetic i cant even kill myself i keep telling that i continue to live for my close ones, for my loved ones... but guess what? im a fucking coward i dont really love anyone, im just afraid to finish me. i dont even have to jump from a building or to hang myself. all i have to do is to have some funny salty drink, but guess what? i cant fucking do this, because im a fucking coward
3) guess what? fucking therapy isnt working, im still sad and miserable well ofc its not working, because it was made for the people with real disorders not for stupid emo girls with permanent existencial crisis. or should a therapist give me a reason to live? or maybe solve all worlds problems?
4) not so long ago i learned that empathy is a fucking evolutionary mechanism laid down by nature. that helping others is biologically beneficial, because it increases the survival rate of the species. when the only good thing you see in yourself is just a mechanism inherent in nature cool!
5) i have a fucking normal life. i hated my job - well i dont work there anymore. i was lonely - well i have a boyfriend now. then why am i still so fucking miserable?
god, i wish i had a stroke ringt now. or a cancer. or something else
1) i fucking hate that im so mediocre at every damn thing. ok, im no genius, i dont have really high expectations from myself. i just want to be normal, to be good, to be fine. like 5/10. i dont ask much. but everyting that i do fucking sucks
i cant draw, i cant play piano, i dont know damn languages and cant fucking translate, even tho i wasted 5 fucking years of my miserable life in my fucking university2) im so pathetic i cant even kill myself
i keep telling that i continue to live for my close ones, for my loved ones... but guess what? im a fucking coward i dont really love anyone, im just afraid to finish me. i dont even have to jump from a building or to hang myself. all i have to do is to have some funny salty drink, but guess what? i cant fucking do this, because im a fucking coward3) guess what? fucking therapy isnt working, im still sad and miserable
well ofc its not working, because it was made for the people with real disorders not for stupid emo girls with permanent existencial crisis. or should a therapist give me a reason to live? or maybe solve all worlds problems?4) not so long ago i learned that empathy is a fucking evolutionary mechanism laid down by nature. that helping others is biologically beneficial, because it increases the survival rate of the species. when the only good thing you see in yourself is just a mechanism inherent in nature
cool!5) i have a fucking normal life. i hated my job - well i dont work there anymore. i was lonely - well i have a boyfriend now. then why am i still so fucking miserable?
god, i wish i had a stroke ringt now. or a cancer. or something else
