Venting i might ctb before i graduate highschool

[stillbelow]

Im a senior im highschool and i graduate in about 2-3 weeks. Im going to be honest and say that ive been skipping school, and just lost my job because of attendance issues. I simply just cant anymore. I dont want to do anything. I dream about ctb, and how the people in my life will react. I have a nice job lined up after school as a generator mechanic. Im not that interested in it, but the wage and perks are great. Im afraid if I do graduate and get this job, ill be a miserable slave to a 9-5 and eventually will ctb. Why not do it now?

I dont feel like getting into my story, i dont feel like i have one. I never really thought about myself as real or a living being. Im simply just a camera or a spectator which roams this earth. Ive had my fair share of traumatizing experiences, but i feel like they happened to a whole different person. Im not me, im stuck in a failed disgusting body.

All ive thought about these past years is ctb. I think im ready to do it. I dont know how, but im ready. I wish i had a gun, i could just end it all here and now. Im either going to hang myself, slit my wrists in the bathtub, or try to obtain SN through DSL (its a gamble actually getting SN through customs, i know). I was originally going to take an extreme amount of benadryl but a lot of people on here advised against that. Ive already took a good amount of benadryl which ended up with me in a psych ward. That was a fun era.

I dont know how to end this post, so ill just end it here. I guess I just wanted to be honest for once.

 

[peacebenow]

you are so young. how old are you? 17?

 

[stillbelow]

you are so young. how old are you? 17?

18

 

[Hystearical]

I hear that you're suffering a lot and it doesn't seem to end.

I am sure you can understand that people here aren't going to really support the idea of someone killing themselves before even graduating high school. They'll say it's too young, you don't know what could change in the next few years, you haven't lived and experienced enough to make a truly informed decision. And they'd be right. Like it or not, the bar someone your age has to meet to be said to be a truly rational decision is very high and has to be.

You do have a story and it is important, at least as important as anyone else's.

It's difficult to suffer alone. Do the people in your life know how are you are feeling, what you are thinking? Friends, family, teachers? Have they noticed changes like not going to school?

In any event please do try to cross the finish line of high school and get your diploma. It's really in your best interest more than anything.