Venting I'm so afraid

[snoopyfan22]

I'm losing faith in my religion and I have been for months. I'm so scared. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. My life has been going downhill so fast. My relationships are getting worse, I'm lazier, my grades are declining, I feel stupider and stupider by the day, and I constantly feel guilt in the back of my mind. I told myself I'll stay alive & go to medical school so I can go help people and make use of this life I've been given but I think I am genuinely too useless to accomplish that. I'm such a loser I can't even bring myself to break up with my girlfriend. I'm a transsexual but I stopped cutting my hair and gave up passing for a religion that I don't even know if I can bring myself to believe in anymore. I have no real passions and I am not talented at anything. I squander every chance I'm given at self improvement. It's never gotten to this point before. I don't know what to do. I don't think my mother realizes that I am more disappointed in myself than she'll ever be. I keep telling myself I'll change but I never do. I want to kill myself but I don't have the means. I'm afraid of failing a suicide attempt. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid that I followed the wrong religion and I'll go to hell. I'm afraid that I followed the right religion but did such a terrible job that I might as well have stayed in my original religion for all it mattered. I'm afraid of there being no religion and my life meaning nothing at all. I'm afraid of how cruel people can be and how powerless I am to help those that I could be helping. I'm afraid of what people will say about me when I'm gone. I'm afraid of hurting my friends. I'm afraid that my family will bury me instead of cremating me. I'm afraid of staying alive and watching myself get worse and worse. I'm afraid that it's impossible for me to get my shit together. I'm afraid that I inherited the worst traits of my parents. I'm such a coward. I hate myself so much but I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this is too much. I might delete it later. I just don't know where else to talk about this.

 

[Halfhourdays]

I'm losing faith in my religion and I have been for months. I'm so scared. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. My life has been going downhill so fast. My relationships are getting worse, I'm lazier, my grades are declining, I feel stupider and stupider by the day, and I constantly feel guilt in the back of my mind. I told myself I'll stay alive & go to medical school so I can go help people and make use of this life I've been given but I think I am genuinely too useless to accomplish that. I'm such a loser I can't even bring myself to break up with my girlfriend. I'm a transsexual but I stopped cutting my hair and gave up passing for a religion that I don't even know if I can bring myself to believe in anymore. I have no real passions and I am not talented at anything. I squander every chance I'm given at self improvement. It's never gotten to this point before. I don't know what to do. I don't think my mother realizes that I am more disappointed in myself than she'll ever be. I keep telling myself I'll change but I never do. I want to kill myself but I don't have the means. I'm afraid of failing a suicide attempt. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid that I followed the wrong religion and I'll go to hell. I'm afraid that I followed the right religion but did such a terrible job that I might as well have stayed in my original religion for all it mattered. I'm afraid of there being no religion and my life meaning nothing at all. I'm afraid of how cruel people can be and how powerless I am to help those that I could be helping. I'm afraid of what people will say about me when I'm gone. I'm afraid of hurting my friends. I'm afraid that my family will bury me instead of cremating me. I'm afraid of staying alive and watching myself get worse and worse. I'm afraid that it's impossible for me to get my shit together. I'm afraid that I inherited the worst traits of my parents. I'm such a coward. I hate myself so much but I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this is too much. I might delete it later. I just don't know where else to talk about this.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I hope you feel better. Please keep venting, if it helps.

 

[snoopyfan22]

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I hope you feel better. Please keep venting, if it helps.

This made me tear up a little, as silly as that is. Thank you for being kind about this. I do feel a little better now & I think I'll take a shower and go to sleep, God willing. I think just getting it out gave me a bit of a push to keep going.

 

[Halfhourdays]

This made me tear up a little, as silly as that is. Thank you for being kind about this. I do feel a little better now & I think I'll take a shower and go to sleep, God willing. I think just getting it out gave me a bit of a push to keep going.

Good! Glad you feel better.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm losing faith in my religion

Nothing wrong with that as religion is man-made and not a natural occurrence! If it was a natural occurrence like an instinct it'd be the same for each and every living human being. That is obviously not the case! Try to forget about it and see it logically!

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You're not a coward in any case!

 

[Saturnrings20]

I'm losing faith in my religion and I have been for months. I'm so scared. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. My life has been going downhill so fast. My relationships are getting worse, I'm lazier, my grades are declining, I feel stupider and stupider by the day, and I constantly feel guilt in the back of my mind. I told myself I'll stay alive & go to medical school so I can go help people and make use of this life I've been given but I think I am genuinely too useless to accomplish that. I'm such a loser I can't even bring myself to break up with my girlfriend. I'm a transsexual but I stopped cutting my hair and gave up passing for a religion that I don't even know if I can bring myself to believe in anymore. I have no real passions and I am not talented at anything. I squander every chance I'm given at self improvement. It's never gotten to this point before. I don't know what to do. I don't think my mother realizes that I am more disappointed in myself than she'll ever be. I keep telling myself I'll change but I never do. I want to kill myself but I don't have the means. I'm afraid of failing a suicide attempt. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid that I followed the wrong religion and I'll go to hell. I'm afraid that I followed the right religion but did such a terrible job that I might as well have stayed in my original religion for all it mattered. I'm afraid of there being no religion and my life meaning nothing at all. I'm afraid of how cruel people can be and how powerless I am to help those that I could be helping. I'm afraid of what people will say about me when I'm gone. I'm afraid of hurting my friends. I'm afraid that my family will bury me instead of cremating me. I'm afraid of staying alive and watching myself get worse and worse. I'm afraid that it's impossible for me to get my shit together. I'm afraid that I inherited the worst traits of my parents. I'm such a coward. I hate myself so much but I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this is too much. I might delete it later. I just don't know where else to talk about this.

I think a lot of us are afraid. Your with company like yourself.