So, my life has been hilariously shit. I have begun making plans to fix it, only for it to come crashing down at the last moment. Having non-helpful and judgmental parents, I tried taking things into my own hands. They hate that. They could never understand how I feel, or why I choose to do things the way I did. They want me to adhere to their rules instead of looking beyond what is actually better for me, and us. I try to point this out, I get called selfish. Man...
To be fair, I'm also the one that caused my own situation--I keep making bad decisions and look where it got me. There are times where I wish all of it restarted, so I can avoid these mistakes. There are so many things I wanted to make right, but, of course, the world decided to tell me to go F myself and make my life even more idiotic than it ever was.
At this point, I just want to die, despite me seeking some help earlier. I have seen a method posted here concerning a blood choke, the only problem is where can I find cornhole bags, since where I'm from, online shopping isn't that extensive. I could go to my local hardware for Flex Tape, but not the cornhole bags. Maybe they're also sold in the same place? After all, malls sell sports stuff, and cornhole bags are used for a sport.
However, death, even when considering embracing it, terrifies me.
What happens when I die? What will be at the other side? The possibilities are endless, and death is one of the few contexts that twist this often encouraging sentence to a horrifying one.
I'm so afraid. I would miss so many people, things I've played, things I've done... I wanted to be an artist, an engineer, a political revolutionary, but they are all impossible to reach given the circumstances of my crisis. Hoping that I would become any of them in my next life doesn't feel fulfilling at all.
I just want to die. But so many things, even though hard to reach, tell me "No!"
I wish I could tell my brain just how wrong it is telling me to not do it because of these things/people. Because so far, I have tried to reach for it, but they just keep falling apart.
Vent aside, I just wanna know. Do malls sell cornhole bags? I'm planning to Catch The Bus tomorrow if all goes well. Peace.
EDIT: Found the post. I'm just gonna leave the link here if anyone is interested.
To be fair, I'm also the one that caused my own situation--I keep making bad decisions and look where it got me. There are times where I wish all of it restarted, so I can avoid these mistakes. There are so many things I wanted to make right, but, of course, the world decided to tell me to go F myself and make my life even more idiotic than it ever was.
At this point, I just want to die, despite me seeking some help earlier. I have seen a method posted here concerning a blood choke, the only problem is where can I find cornhole bags, since where I'm from, online shopping isn't that extensive. I could go to my local hardware for Flex Tape, but not the cornhole bags. Maybe they're also sold in the same place? After all, malls sell sports stuff, and cornhole bags are used for a sport.
However, death, even when considering embracing it, terrifies me.
What happens when I die? What will be at the other side? The possibilities are endless, and death is one of the few contexts that twist this often encouraging sentence to a horrifying one.
I'm so afraid. I would miss so many people, things I've played, things I've done... I wanted to be an artist, an engineer, a political revolutionary, but they are all impossible to reach given the circumstances of my crisis. Hoping that I would become any of them in my next life doesn't feel fulfilling at all.
I just want to die. But so many things, even though hard to reach, tell me "No!"
I wish I could tell my brain just how wrong it is telling me to not do it because of these things/people. Because so far, I have tried to reach for it, but they just keep falling apart.
Vent aside, I just wanna know. Do malls sell cornhole bags? I'm planning to Catch The Bus tomorrow if all goes well. Peace.
EDIT: Found the post. I'm just gonna leave the link here if anyone is interested.
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