A friend helped me test out my Exit Bag and now I'm less inclined to CTB

[DeoxygenDaydream]

I've been planning on CTB for a couple months now, all my friends/housemates are aware of my intended method and my mostly complete kit, but only one friend knows that I actually got around to filling my tank with nitrogen. They've wanted to help me get myself together and not ctb and such, and I guess part of that was agreeing to help me test my exit bag.

What happened was, over the course of an hour, twice they watched me put the hood on and start the Nitrogen and pull me out the moment I stopped responding. It wasn't long at all, no more than 45 seconds each time. They told me about how I just stopped responding and how strange the look on my face was, and I told them about the feeling of starting to lose awareness followed by the strange dreamlike state of falling unconscious and fully unresponsive after ~30 seconds.

The feeling itself was surreal, it was rather a rather comfortable yet incoherent dreamlike state, I didn't feel much of anything after falling under it all. It was so easy to slip into the nitrogen atmosphere. I don't know if it's the ease of it all or just the View from Halfway Down itself, but having "practiced" using the bag and slipping into that activation state has left me not desiring my demise anymore. Maybe I'm just too easily rattled or something, but I'm more scared of the finality and more appreciative of this half of the bridge. Handling my newfound lust for life is weird after believing I would've been gone a few days ago or sooner for so long but like, that's life I guess.

 

[ilovenewyork]

Maybe that's what you needed to see. You could throw away the kit and live your life with the knowledge of what the end is like

 

[Bikishii]

Honestly, that sounds like just what the doctor ordered. You describe it as relatively peaceful, which I know is generally the case, but because the breathing reflex (can't think of the right word right now) is triggered by an increase in CO2 and not a lack of oxygen, how did it feel when you were slipping away? Not necessarily euphoric, but was there some kind of "narcotic" feeling to it? Or just like a light slipping away? Nitrogen has been my preferred method for a long time but I've always had CO on the back burner (ba dum tsh) if I can't get N2.

My rambling aside, it sounds like this was an overall good experience, it sounds like the unexpected outcome has really changed your way of thinking a lot, and it's great to know that you'll still be with us, at least for a little while longer. That sounds like a really nice and supporting friend who understands your feelings and respects your decisions to the point that they helped you actually test your method and be there to bring you back. I'm glad to hear it was a good experience overall, and I hope that peace/lust for life you describe stays with you for a long, long time.

 

[Into_The_Void33]

This is my preferred method. I'm unsure of how to go about getting everything necessary and how to set it up. I do not want to go out suffering. I wish someone could help me as far as step by step guide. I don't know where to start.

 

[Intoxicated]

but because the breathing reflex (can't think of the right word right now) is triggered by an increase in CO2 and not a lack of oxygen

A lack of oxygen can affect breathing too, but differently from an excess of CO₂:

Central and peripheral chemoreceptors, as well as mechanoreceptors in the lungs, convey neural and sensory input to the brain to help modulate respiratory drive. The respiratory center responds in return by changing its firing pattern to alter breathing rhythm and volume.

...
Peripheral chemoreceptors include the carotid and aortic bodies. The carotid bodies are located at the bifurcation of the common carotid arteries and send information to the respiratory center via cranial nerve IX, the glossopharyngeal nerve. The aortic bodies are situated within the aortic arch and send information to the brain via cranial nerve X, the vagus nerve. While capable of sensing carbon dioxide and hydrogen ions, the peripheral sensory system primarily detects low arterial oxygen levels (hypoxemia). Hypercapnia and acidosis increase the sensitivity of these sensors and, therefore, play a partial role in the receptor's function. The carotid bodies comprise approximately 15% of the total driving force of respiration. In healthy individuals, the respiratory center is more sensitive to rising carbon dioxide sensed by central chemoreceptors than decreasing oxygen levels. Oxygen runs the respiratory center only when there is severe hypoxemia.

...
As mentioned previously, the respiratory control center responds to altered levels of CO2 and O2 by changing the respiratory rate and pattern. Interestingly, the response to hypoxia differs from the response to hypercapnia. Hypoxia induces a breathing pattern of rapid and shallow breaths with a relatively higher increase in respiratory rate than tidal volume. The aim is to decrease the cost of breathing by avoiding the need to overcome the lungs' higher elastance at high volumes.

In simple terms, breathing with high tidal volumes requires more negative pressure generation in the intra-pleural space and, thus, more oxygen utilization by respiratory muscles, especially in an already hypoxic patient. In contrast, hypercapnia triggers a breathing pattern of deep and slow breaths with a relatively more significant increase in tidal volume than respiratory rate. This pattern aims to limit dead space ventilation and optimize carbon dioxide elimination.

Physiology, Respiratory Drive - StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf

 

[Aflame5926]

i would hid your kit. i wouldnt throw it away.

if the feeling come back again i think it would be reassuring that it easily accesable for you.
that would also give relieves and easily let it go but that my 2 cent of a opinion

 

[DeoxygenDaydream]

Honestly, that sounds like just what the doctor ordered. You describe it as relatively peaceful, which I know is generally the case, but because the breathing reflex (can't think of the right word right now) is triggered by an increase in CO2 and not a lack of oxygen, how did it feel when you were slipping away? Not necessarily euphoric, but was there some kind of "narcotic" feeling to it? Or just like a light slipping away? Nitrogen has been my preferred method for a long time but I've always had CO on the back burner (ba dum tsh) if I can't get N2.

It was so smooth you don't even notice it's happening. I tried to keep talking and respond to them for as long as I could, but after 30 seconds I just stopped. The best way I can describe it is like falling into a dreamlike state where your mind is still active and trying to dream, but it's not working with much. The nerdy comparison I like to make is that it's like when a Wii or PC crashes and it's stuck playing the last frame of audio/video on repeat, that's kinda what your vision and thoughts feel like. In the moment it feels like it's coherent, but as soon as I came to again, the content of it all was forgotten, leaving just the feeling itself. It's a weirdly cozy experience and I was eager to go in that second time.

TL;DR, it's a smooth slipping away and feels kinda good in a weird way.

Also, the phrase you're thinking of is your Hypercapnic Reaction, the body's response to excess CO2 :)

 

[Intoxicated]

It was so smooth you don't even notice it's happening.

Maybe that's because you were trying to talk. If you're focused on your perceptions, you can notice how your consciousness fades out. And if you keep your eyes open, the changes in your vision (blurriness, dimness, narrowing) are very noticeable too.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

This is my preferred method. I'm unsure of how to go about getting everything necessary and how to set it up. I do not want to go out suffering. I wish someone could help me as far as step by step guide. I don't know where to start.

I think the megathread is as close to a step by step guide as it gets. Sourcing the materials would be a good place to start, which goes for any method.

Exit bag and inert gas megathread

Exit Bag and Inert Gas Basics —A very, very long post, I know, but I feel like I've fielded a lot of questions about this, so I figured I'd spell out everything I know. Others on the forum should please add to this thread whatever reliable technical information they feel is appropriate for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

That's great, congrats! Happy for you.

 

[Black Sheep One]

Thanks for sharing your experience. This is one of the method I chose to use. I think you have realized you have some good friends worth sticking around for.

 

[behindtheveil]

It was so smooth you don't even notice it's happening. I tried to keep talking and respond to them for as long as I could, but after 30 seconds I just stopped. The best way I can describe it is like falling into a dreamlike state where your mind is still active and trying to dream, but it's not working with much. The nerdy comparison I like to make is that it's like when a Wii or PC crashes and it's stuck playing the last frame of audio/video on repeat, that's kinda what your vision and thoughts feel like. In the moment it feels like it's coherent, but as soon as I came to again, the content of it all was forgotten, leaving just the feeling itself. It's a weirdly cozy experience and I was eager to go in that second time.

TL;DR, it's a smooth slipping away and feels kinda good in a weird way.

Also, the phrase you're thinking of is your Hypercapnic Reaction, the body's response to excess CO2 :)

Hey, I'm glad it worked for you. But more that you are here to talk about it and share your experience. I failed mine. So just have one question, the placement of hose within the bag? How high did you place the mouth of the nozzle within the bag or if possible share a photo of just the exit bag? The reason i am asking this to ensure the bag gets completely filled with n2 and the chances of residual air left within the bag decreases.
Thank you so much.

 

[exitingtothevoid]

Thank you so much for sharing, your description of it being a cozy experience is reassuring. How tight was the bag on your neck? Did you feel any CO2 buildup?

 

[cocobutter]

How did you make your exit bag? And did you let it fill up?