Ill go through with it at the end of the month.

[PassiveDeath113]

I failed. I will probably go through with it by the end of the month, until then I will enjoy the company of friends and family, I will do my best to fix the life I fucked up, but honestly I think this is it. I just don't see myself anywhere long term. I'm broke so buying Nitrous gas would be a bit too much so I would most likely go with hanging, Ill write some letters to my brother who I love and use this time to prep and say goodbyes. I failed uni, I had hopes and dreams but fucked them up the last couple month of high school, losing my chance at a good school in a good program. I failed every subject I took, constantly disappointing my family, I just don't see myself achieving anything and my future looks bleak.

 

[Linda]

You don't say how old you are, but you sound quite young to me. OK, so you failed every subject at school. That demonstrates that academic things are probably not your strong point. So you need to look for other kinds of things that you can make something of. If the world judged success by the ability to play musical instruments well, or even one musical instrument, I would be at the very bottom of the pile. I have tried several times to learn several different instruments, and I know I'm hopeless. I struggled with piano for many years, even practicing daily. My brain just doesn't seem to work in the necessary way. So I did other things in life, things that I was better suited to. You could probably do the same.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in what you decide.

 

[PassiveDeath113]

You don't say how old you are, but you sound quite young to me. OK, so you failed every subject at school. That demonstrates that academic things are probably not your strong point. So you need to look for other kinds of things that you can make something of. If the world judged success by the ability to play musical instruments well, or even one musical instrument, I would be at the very bottom of the pile. I have tried several times to learn several different instruments, and I know I'm hopeless. I struggled with piano for many years, even practicing daily. My brain just doesn't seem to work in the necessary way. So I did other things in life, things that I was better suited to. You could probably do the same.

While I am fairly young as far as I know my life has been cycles of hope, fuck up, then suicidal, then for whatever reason if I don't go through it just keeps repeating and the ones who pay for my mistakes are most often my family. In terms of academic success that's honestly all I can go back to, talent in other fields wouldn't land me a job not that I particularly have any. I just want it to end, which I know is selfish, but I honestly can't take another failure, and I'm tired.

 

[deadbidaylight]

Part of growing up and learning who you are is failure. We ALL fail. It's how we learn. We're human and to be human is to fall down and pick ourselves back up, and learn from it. We carry on.

The world is tough. Growing up is tough. Being at the age where you're too old to be a kid but too young to be an adult is especially tough. Societal and parental pressure is tough. There is a lot of tough things happening, and will happen in the future, but I think you owe it to yourself to see just how beautiful life can truly be if you give it a chance. Your life has barely begun. There is so much out there you have yet to experience. Do you not want to see those things come to fruition? You're truly okay with throwing in the towel and forgoing all those things?

Have you sought any help for how you're feeling? Spoken to anyone? Tried any therapy? Any medications? Suicide should be the last and final option once all these avenues have been attempted and been unsuccessful. I know you're under a tremendous amount of pressure, but it's not the end of the world and life does move on.

Is your family expressing disappointment in you? Or is this something you've put inside your head? The thoughts we tell ourselves can be evil, cruel and debilitating, but it's not necessarily (and most often not) true. You're feeding this fear by believing it. Speak to someone. Do you have a good relationship with your family? Is your fear of failure something you could voice to one of those family members?

I'm here to tell you that academic grades mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. I dropped out of school in grade 10 due to a lot of dumb mistakes. So I didn't complete my highschool education. I'm now 36. I've been to college twice, and just finished a trade school with an 89% average just a few months ago. The future may look bleak to you right now, but there are ways around not having great grades, or any grades at all. University isn't paramount to success. Sooo many kids go off to university because that's what they're told needs to happen, and they graduate, amass TONS of debt, and can't get a job. The market is over saturated with overqualified individuals working at Home Depot etc because their MBA can't get them a job in their field. Who cares?

You don't have to follow the societal mould. It doesn't make you a failure. You can absolutely choose a different path and still lead a successful life. Success is what you make of it. Fancy cars, houses and the white picket fence means nothing when you hate your life, your job and your responsibilities. Find out what you really want in life rather than allowing society to dictate what you should want. Take some time to breathe. Life isn't a race. It's messy, it's imperfect, it's struggle, and it's joy. Academics is NOT the be all and end all, and certainly not a reason to lose your life over.

I beg you to reconsider. It's not worth it.

 

[Linda]

While I am fairly young as far as I know my life has been cycles of hope, fuck up, then suicidal, then for whatever reason if I don't go through it just keeps repeating and the ones who pay for my mistakes are most often my family. In terms of academic success that's honestly all I can go back to, talent in other fields wouldn't land me a job not that I particularly have any. I just want it to end, which I know is selfish, but I honestly can't take another failure, and I'm tired.

Do you know what is causing those cycles? Is it something that you have the ability to influence?

 

[PassiveDeath113]

I wish you the best in what you decide.

Part of growing up and learning who you are is failure. We ALL fail. It's how we learn. We're human and to be human is to fall down and pick ourselves back up, and learn from it. We carry on.

The world is tough. Growing up is tough. Being at the age where you're too old to be a kid but too young to be an adult is especially tough. Societal and parental pressure is tough. There is a lot of tough things happening, and will happen in the future, but I think you owe it to yourself to see just how beautiful life can truly be if you give it a chance. Your life has barely begun. There is so much out there you have yet to experience. Do you not want to see those things come to fruition? You're truly okay with throwing in the towel and forgoing all those things?

Have you sought any help for how you're feeling? Spoken to anyone? Tried any therapy? Any medications? Suicide should be the last and final option once all these avenues have been attempted and been unsuccessful. I know you're under a tremendous amount of pressure, but it's not the end of the world and life does move on.

Is your family expressing disappointment in you? Or is this something you've put inside your head? The thoughts we tell ourselves can be evil, cruel and debilitating, but it's not necessarily (and most often not) true. You're feeding this fear by believing it. Speak to someone. Do you have a good relationship with your family? Is your fear of failure something you could voice to one of those family members?

I'm here to tell you that academic grades mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. I dropped out of school in grade 10 due to a lot of dumb mistakes. So I didn't complete my highschool education. I'm now 36. I've been to college twice, and just finished a trade school with an 89% average just a few months ago. The future may look bleak to you right now, but there are ways around not having great grades, or any grades at all. University isn't paramount to success. Sooo many kids go off to university because that's what they're told needs to happen, and they graduate, amass TONS of debt, and can't get a job. The market is over saturated with overqualified individuals working at Home Depot etc because their MBA can't get them a job in their field. Who cares?

You don't have to follow the societal mould. It doesn't make you a failure. You can absolutely choose a different path and still lead a successful life. Success is what you make of it. Fancy cars, houses and the white picket fence means nothing when you hate your life, your job and your responsibilities. Find out what you really want in life rather than allowing society to dictate what you should want. Take some time to breathe. Life isn't a race. It's messy, it's imperfect, it's struggle, and it's joy. Academics is NOT the be all and end all, and certainly not a reason to lose your life over.

I beg you to reconsider. It's not worth it.

Thank you for your words I'll take this month to decide if I go through, I'll prep for now to keep the option open. I think just the comfort of knowing that I can puts me at an inner peace. I'll look into therapy and most likely medication, but it's all just becoming to be too much I've been on a downward spiral for many years now and I'm reaching a tipping point that I havent felt in a long, long while. Again thank you for your words kind soul

Do you know what is causing those cycles? Is it something that you have the ability to influence?

Yes myself mostly. I don't know how to change, I tried taking small steps to improve but even if improvement happen in major moments I freeze up and screw myself over. I lie to myself and convince myself that I can and will do it and succeed, only to never act on it, and I tried over and over again with the same results. Then come moments when others step in, in the name of helping, and ruin whatever progress I made. I broke the trust of my family too many times, so I understand why, but it hurts.