As I see it the German highest court even gave me that right but the politcians want to take it again from me.
I have never signed a contract that prohbits me to kill myself. (Except when I was in clinics and acute suicidal but this was only temporary).
We come into existence without being asked. I was abused and bullied by so many people without being asked. I never consented to that. And as a result my consciousness is now a daily living hell and people want to tell myself I don't have the right to die peacefully. Did all these people who abused me ever asked about allowance? So many people spit on my existence. If this society really wanted me they shouldn't have treated me like shit.
It seems like I might be in a new manic episode. I was forced to attend college again because I cannot survive with welfare. The society could have avoided that outcome if I kill myself after the next crash. Though an individual is not worth a lot in this world. We don't care about strangers. So why should other strangers who don't know my case decide about my fate?
I have the feeling people who want to take suicide forums down often have no grasp of what it feels like to be permanently suicidal for many many years. I mean two therapists have given up on me and considered me an hopeless case. Where shall I go to when I feel lonely? I don't know any group where I can relate better to other people than in this forum. I got so fucking stupid and ignorant remarks on my suicidality in other forums or self-help groups where the majority is not personally affected by it. People often blame the suicidal people themselves for not trying hard enough and in my experience victim-blaming is one of the standard answers.
Personally I have the feeling for many people suicidal people disturb their notion of a world full of harmony and love. Just because something should not exist it does not mean it does not exist. My life is a fucking tragedy so much nightmarish things happened. It is fucking injust. Something like that should not happen. But in fact it happened to me and I have to deal with the consequences now. I have a hellish daily existence and as everyone I have my limits how much I can cope with. I have the emotional urge being able to control the situation. And the thought of being able to commit suicide takes in some sense the edge of the (insane) pressure because at least I am able to quit when the existence becomes unbearable. It is a very deep desire in my mind and makes me able to fight on due to the fact I have the alternative of stopping this pain when my limits are reached. It is like a necessity that enables me to function as an individual.
It would feel way better for these people when people like me would be just forced to live forever no matter what their own genuine wish is. Though I have my own will. Writing here about my suicidality is like a valve. It helps me to postpone my death. The topic suicide is way more intricate than many people think.
For me it is clearly related to having control. With being exposed to severe pain because of my illnesses I have the need to have at least a little amount of control. The repitition of these suicidal thoughts in my brain can drive you nuts. I am thinking daily for many hours about suicide for years. Being able to communicate with people who are in a similar position is very valuable to me. It changes a person for sure and in some way of form it is unique (to be suicidal for years). I have the feeling many people cannot really imagine how it feels to be in my position.
I have never signed a contract that prohbits me to kill myself. (Except when I was in clinics and acute suicidal but this was only temporary).
We come into existence without being asked. I was abused and bullied by so many people without being asked. I never consented to that. And as a result my consciousness is now a daily living hell and people want to tell myself I don't have the right to die peacefully. Did all these people who abused me ever asked about allowance? So many people spit on my existence. If this society really wanted me they shouldn't have treated me like shit.
It seems like I might be in a new manic episode. I was forced to attend college again because I cannot survive with welfare. The society could have avoided that outcome if I kill myself after the next crash. Though an individual is not worth a lot in this world. We don't care about strangers. So why should other strangers who don't know my case decide about my fate?
I have the feeling people who want to take suicide forums down often have no grasp of what it feels like to be permanently suicidal for many many years. I mean two therapists have given up on me and considered me an hopeless case. Where shall I go to when I feel lonely? I don't know any group where I can relate better to other people than in this forum. I got so fucking stupid and ignorant remarks on my suicidality in other forums or self-help groups where the majority is not personally affected by it. People often blame the suicidal people themselves for not trying hard enough and in my experience victim-blaming is one of the standard answers.
Personally I have the feeling for many people suicidal people disturb their notion of a world full of harmony and love. Just because something should not exist it does not mean it does not exist. My life is a fucking tragedy so much nightmarish things happened. It is fucking injust. Something like that should not happen. But in fact it happened to me and I have to deal with the consequences now. I have a hellish daily existence and as everyone I have my limits how much I can cope with. I have the emotional urge being able to control the situation. And the thought of being able to commit suicide takes in some sense the edge of the (insane) pressure because at least I am able to quit when the existence becomes unbearable. It is a very deep desire in my mind and makes me able to fight on due to the fact I have the alternative of stopping this pain when my limits are reached. It is like a necessity that enables me to function as an individual.
It would feel way better for these people when people like me would be just forced to live forever no matter what their own genuine wish is. Though I have my own will. Writing here about my suicidality is like a valve. It helps me to postpone my death. The topic suicide is way more intricate than many people think.
For me it is clearly related to having control. With being exposed to severe pain because of my illnesses I have the need to have at least a little amount of control. The repitition of these suicidal thoughts in my brain can drive you nuts. I am thinking daily for many hours about suicide for years. Being able to communicate with people who are in a similar position is very valuable to me. It changes a person for sure and in some way of form it is unique (to be suicidal for years). I have the feeling many people cannot really imagine how it feels to be in my position.
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