"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[HopingOnaMiracle]

It's depressing reading some of the messages in the suicide section. Some people don't even want to get better... I don't get it. Getting better would solve everything!!
Some people are apparently beyond that point or they believe the outside world is too cruel to live in.
Not me. I need to recover. I want to live again... I need to get rid of this depression destroying everything I love.

 

[cheese.out]

It's depressing reading some of the messages in the suicide section. Some people don't even want to get better... I don't get it. Getting better would solve everything!!
Some people are apparently beyond that point or they believe the outside world is too cruel to live in.
Not me. I need to recover. I want to live again... I need to get rid of this depression destroying everything I love.

Im so happy to see your motivation to get better Wish you all the best for your recovery!

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Im so happy to see your motivation to get better Wish you all the best for your recovery!

Thank you. Do you want to recover?..
I've been sick for almost 3 years now. First 2 years was a severe burnout. Since 10-11 months this hellish depression. I am motivated to get better but I keep losing battles (meds and psychotherapy don't work, rTMS doesn't do shit so far). Stuff just seems to get worse. I have suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life ...

 

[HighFlight]

Step in a positive direction for me, I hope. I'm going back to therapy this week and have scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist next month.

Wishing you all the luck and love possible.

For me, the trick has been finding a reason to keep living. Right now, I'm living to take care of others I am responsible for. Ultimately, I need to find my own reason.

Your reason doesn't have to be nobel or grand, just something that gets you through the day. Hopefully, it lays the foundation for your recovery and provides motivation to keep search for who you are.

It's depressing reading some of the messages in the suicide section. Some people don't even want to get better.

It really can be... But they are making their own choices, just as you are making yours.

Please know that if this is distracting from your recovery, you can "Hide" the Suicide Forum in your preferences. And if you have any questions, you can always send me a direct/private message.

 

[vak]

Wishing you all the luck and love possible.

For me, the trick has been finding a reason to keep living. Right now, I'm living to take care of others I am responsible for. Ultimately, I need to find my own reason.

Your reason doesn't have to be nobel or grand, just something that gets you through the day. Hopefully, it lays the foundation for your recovery and provides motivation to keep search for who you are.

Thank you so much for your support I've always known that if I got a dog, I would live for them, maybe even through them, if that makes any sense. I'm still cautious about it, careful not to lock myself into just living, I still don't know why I would want to live. I know that caring for someone fulfills me on the deepest level, and I think the combination of getting a pet companion and volunteering might actually make my life worthwhile. I've chosen a breed and a name for the dog, and my landlord is okay with it, so I might have a direction to go. I can't do it alone, so hopefully, my therapist - who already had their hands full with me before I became actively suicidal - will be able to guide me in that direction.

We'll see, but thank god (and mods ) for SaSu for providing a supportive place in both life and death. What a wonderful and magical place I hope I can repay the kindness once I get at least a little better and become able to care for myself.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

It really can be... But they are making their own choices, just as you

Please know that if this is distracting from your recovery, you can "Hide" the Suicide Forum in your preferences. And if you have any questions, you can always send me a direct/private message.

I just really don't get how people don't even want to get better. I'm usually more in the recovery section of the site but I also read about ctb... And it makes me question myself if that's an option for me.
I might just hide that section.
Just asked for access in a recovery whatsapp group. Maybe it's something.

 

[cheese.out]

Thank you. Do you want to recover?..

Sorry that you had such a dreadful experience in the past... but Im glad to see your motivation to recover.

And yeah recovery is my goal - it would be absolutely amazing living without depression but Im struggling with depression for like 10 years now and already had an attempt. Sometimes those thoughts are gone and Im kinda happy but I always fall back into that dark place. On top of that im struggling with addiction for 1-2 years now. But I keep trying.

 

[Tesha]

Good evening, afternoon, morning. Thanks to those that responded to my messages.

I'm sorry to get back to you late

No need to apologise and I'm sorry to see you're going through it at the moment as well.. sobriety is a journey. Some people have to stop the journey occasionally, to check which is the right direction. It sounds like you're back on track now, so well done.

As for me, once I commit to something, I commit - I've asked my NHS team to hospitalise me for a while; I need help to be kept a bit safer while I work through some major life events. They're just waiting for a bed. I know once they get me in I won't be discharged for a while - but I owe my kids a proper attempt at this. Hopefully I'll find out about the funding decision for specialist treatment while I'm an inpatient - if it's bad news, that will give me the protection I need to not be reactive and work out what I'm going to do.

And to everyone else posting and trying their best - keep that shit up!

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[HighFlight]

good morning

Good morning to you.

 

[HighFlight]

I owe my kids a proper attempt at this.

Much respect and love for this... I wish you all the best and pray for your auccess.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Sorry that you had such a dreadful experience in the past... but Im glad to see your motivation to recover.

And yeah recovery is my goal - it would be absolutely amazing living without depression but Im struggling with depression for like 10 years now and already had an attempt. Sometimes those thoughts are gone and Im kinda happy but I always fall back into that dark place. On top of that im struggling with addiction for 1-2 years now. But I keep trying.

Good to see people wanting to recover. I can't imagine being depressed for so long and I don't think it's weird you had an attempt.
Do you have longer phases where you are doing good? What's your addiction?

Good evening, afternoon, morning. Thanks to those that responded to my messages.

No need to apologise and I'm sorry to see you're going through it at the moment as well.. sobriety is a journey. Some people have to stop the journey occasionally, to check which is the right direction. It sounds like you're back on track now, so well done.

As for me, once I commit to something, I commit - I've asked my NHS team to hospitalise me for a while; I need help to be kept a bit safer while I work through some major life events. They're just waiting for a bed. I know once they get me in I won't be discharged for a while - but I owe my kids a proper attempt at this. Hopefully I'll find out about the funding decision for specialist treatment while I'm an inpatient - if it's bad news, that will give me the protection I need to not be reactive and work out what I'm going to do.

And to everyone else posting and trying their best - keep that shit up!

What kind of hospital are you going to? I wish you the best of luck

 

[HighFlight]

@lita-lassi, I've been thinking about you and hoping everything is OK. Any updates? (PM me if you don't want to share publicly.)

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Good morning.
Another morning feeling this way. My mom will come soon to cycle with me. I don't feel like doing that. I don't feel like doing anything but sleep... But I have to.
Good morning.

 

[stillunemployed]

Good morning.
Another morning feeling this way. My mom will come soon to cycle with me. I don't feel like doing that. I don't feel like doing anything but sleep... But I have to.
Good morning.
Another morning feeling this way. My mom will come soon to cycle with me. I don't feel like doing that. I don't feel like doing anything but sleep... But I have to.

lets make song about it
give it a nice rhythm
all bout the morning
all bout the morning

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

lets make song about it
give it a nice rhythm
all bout the morning
all bout the morning

I'm back and feel like absolute garbage. Im so stressed out and anxious. Still have work to do this afternoon. But i feel like dying. How long must I endure this. If there is a God why the fuck are you giving me this torture. I just want to live. This must have to do with lorazepam withdrawal.

 

[lita-lassi]

@lita-lassi, I've been thinking about you and hoping everything is OK. Any updates? (PM me if you don't want to share publicly.)

thank you hes alive but things have been bad and he hurt himself. i feel lost on the whole situation. theres too much to get into about it here and im very tired might nap before going for a run in a bit. been sleeping almost nothing, guessing not vaping at all has my brain mad. oh well, i can exhaust myself physically at least.

@UsagiDrop glad to see you back

@arnxxx getting off any benzo causes baaaaaaddddddddd withdrawal if youve been on it for a while and i hope you make it ok

 

[druggedonsurvival]

I'm back and feel like absolute garbage. Im so stressed out and anxious. Still have work to do this afternoon. But i feel like dying. How long must I endure this. If there is a God why the fuck are you giving me this torture. I just want to live. This must have to do with lorazepam withdrawal.

I hope you feel better soon, if you don't already!

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

@arnxxx getting off any benzo causes baaaaaaddddddddd withdrawal if youve been on it for a while and i hope you make it ok

I told my psychiatrist how bad I'm doing, even having suicidal thoughts. Now we keep my lorazepam on the same level for the time being. At least a week.

I'm actually not doing ok :( I wish I got some relief but it seems to be getting even worse.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

I hope you feel better soon, if you don't already!

Unfortunately no. I feel like life is being drained from me. Despite all that, I said yes to an offer to do more work.

One more article about coming up events every week. I felt like I couldn't say no. I have to have work and be normal. Some day Ill be better, I still feel like I will recover but it's taking a damn long time.

 

[lita-lassi]

@arnxxx tapering from benzos is long and hard, things will eventually balance out

last night i got dressed to go for a long walk since i was too tired to jog, as soon as i got psyched up enough to show my face at the park it started raining. of course. then my bf calls. i guess some details are warranted: hes cut himself very badly and he was trying to piss me off enough that id say it was ok for him to "disappear". im already not a very well-managed person emotionally but having the one person that keeps me sane go off the rails like this and saying he wants me out of his life because he thinks hes "a piece of shit" has been a pile of extra hard while im still dealing with an actual shitbag hundreds of miles away. what the fuck is wrong with me that im attracted to chaos like myself despite hating every inch of me

yo can i also suggest that people post in the "3 good things that happened today" thread? i used to write 3 this every day for my therapist and email her and it helped out so much. kind of ridiculous how well it helped out for how small it is to write shit like "breakfast was good" or "watched a good tv show"

 

[HighFlight]

@stillunemployed, Good Morning to you.

 

[stillunemployed]

and another morning

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

@arnxxx tapering from benzos is long and hard, things will eventually balance out

yo can i also suggest that people post in the "3 good things that happened today" thread? i used to write 3 this every day for my therapist and email her and it helped out so much. kind of ridiculous how well it helped out for how small it is to write shit like "breakfast was good" or "watched a good tv show"

Ive gone down 1 mg in total and I told my psychiatrist it's not going good. Also told him about my suicidal thoughts. His response was waiting at least a week for the next step. I forgot my afternoon dose yesterday while I was going by train to rTMS. I felt anxious the whole trip.

I write down 2 positive things daily but it's hard. I don't know whether it helps to be honest.

 

[Adûnâi]

Today has been a remarkably terrible day.
1. A 6 hour long power outage which caused me to think of suicide.
2. My mom has shown her Jomolungma-tier stupidity by not topping off my phone, so I was effectively cut off from the entire world (not that I could ever call 911 because they'd kill me, you know, the Ukraine).
3. I had a weird sharp (but mild stomach ache) for like 30 min, disappeared without a trace.
4. I couldn't even use my phone because couldn't wash my hands after the sleep, so had to use my phone with tissues.
5. When I did contact my mom (via my granma), and got mobile Internet, I hurriedly sent my Slowly letters to two Ukrainian girls, writing literally two paragraphs of effectively "I'll get back to you".
6. Then I just degened after the power went back on. Super terrible.

Yikes. It was the first power outage in 1.5 years (not counting 2 min long ones once in a blue moon). I might have a future gf in half a year, but at the same time, if power outages become the norm, it would put pressure on me. I could of course change my sleeping schedule accordingly.

Regarding the kanji - I'm still drawing them in my phone, haven't revised yet, but I'm getting to the 1000 mark.

Regarding exercising - I stopped it a few days ago when I was super sleepy, waking up to do MLBB quests and writing Slowly letters and then going backt o sleep until 15:00 lmao. I should get back to it.

Also, yesterday I wrote a lengthy open response to one (or two) Russian conspiracy theorist on LiveJournal, it felt really nice to write this much. Of course, he hasn't responded, and one guy immediately called me a troll, duh.

 

[Tesha]

@arnxxx I'm struggling a bit at the moment to focus on the entire thread, but I'm gathering you're tapering from benzos.

I just wanted to let you know I've been there - I cold turkey quit 4mg Clonazepam; so understand how you feel. If you want to chat, for now I'm here.

What kind of hospital are you going to? I wish you the best of luck

I'm waiting for a bed at any NHS funded psychiatric hospital. This will be the first time, in 30 years, for a NHS hospital for me, I normally self fund private admissions.. so I'm a little apprehensive about it. I've been waiting three days so far… apparently I'm the priority patient for my area - so we'll see how long it takes for a bed to become available.

 

[stillunemployed]

and we hit a jackpot! its a weekend!

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

@arnxxx I'm struggling a bit at the moment to focus on the entire thread, but I'm gathering you're tapering from benzos.

I just wanted to let you know I've been there - I cold turkey quit 4mg Clonazepam; so understand how you feel. If you want to chat, for now I'm here.



I'm waiting for a bed at any NHS funded psychiatric hospital. This will be the first time, in 30 years, for a NHS hospital for me, I normally self fund private admissions.. so I'm a little apprehensive about it. I've been waiting three days so far… apparently I'm the priority patient for my area - so we'll see how long it takes for a bed to become available.

Good luck over there. I've been in a mental hospital twice this year. Didn't end my suffering unfortunately. My body just needs to stop doing this, making me feel this way. And everything will be alright. I'm praying even though I'm not even religious.

I really wonder how religious people keep their faith when depressed. It must be the will of God right?

Stuff became worse since I tapered off on lorazepam. My mom said i was shaking.

 

[Dot]

Hpe ok

Am goin2 mke a rsourcs thred fr MH basd YT channls whch hve gd info fr genrl MH & specfc cnditns

If n.e1 hs n.e sggestns tht thy wn2 add pls snd slf d.m or rply

Apprci8