"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[lita-lassi]

it is far too early for the morning to have qualified as good but my significant someone has stopped the suicidal rampage for now and wants to cuddle all day so ill take what i can get

go fucking figure my therapist is gone for 2 weeks

Hpe ok

Am goin2 mke a rsourcs thred fr MH basd YT channls whch hve gd info fr genrl MH & specfc cnditns

If n.e1 hs n.e sggestns tht thy wn2 add pls snd slf d.m or rply

Apprci8

thank you dot!

 

[Life_and_Death]

Getting better would solve everything!!

How do you figure that would solve everything? thats a pretty blanket statement thats isnt always true.

Its not going to make my back pain stop. its not going to magically make parents that love me appear, people arent magically gonna stop being a$$holes
Sorry it took me so long to respond, my functioning moments are spars lately...

what kind of things do you intend to do to quit smoking weed?

ive tried basically everything from using bigger filters so it displaces the amount of weed, timers, one day on one day off, things like that. ive tried just stopping but that causes nightmares, i have more than enough of those. i dont think ill be quitting until i move...

Do you have to live with him until the divorce is final?

no, i cant even get a damn divorce until i move out (frustration at the situation). hes all like "you have to be separated for 6mnths before you can get a divorce, or we can just put adultery" if he fucking puts that im putting the truth (abuse . it doesnt count as cheating when ive begged and lied and everything under the sun to end this relationship, this is your damn fall now, not mine). and because i cant get a job i cant have any proof of separation. and i cant move out because of my eating disorder. my "health and stamina bar" is chronically low, i get sick often and struggle to take care of myself (dont have the energy to make food). so i need someone to take care of me which makes me stuck here until i can take care of myself..

(and the system has done nothing except fail me, i refuse to be part of it. plus i have a cat and MH and the system would only f everything up. they need to realize their ways arent always whats best )

do you think he's dragging his feet on purpose to essentially keep you trapped there?

most likely. not entirely im well aware of the pay checks and what goes out and everything. hes not lying but at the same time "if you really need it i can come up with the money"
(this is what pisses my bf off, you can supply me $100-$300 of weed a month but im sitting here mentally deteriorating. and i dont disagree with him for that. however i dont say much because to say anything would most likely create withdrawal and no, not ready for that.*)

*and yes "youre never ready for something like that" or however the saying goes, but i literally mean in a better place to deal with. i dont need another problem on top of 5+ others and sometimes.....that means something has to suffer until theres room for it....

its not all bad (and my bf isnt happy with me "defending him" but im just stating facts. am i defending him?) i can ask for literally basically anything and its mine to help with my MH. he just said to me, id rather you ask me for something that have to worry about getting stressed out. i dont disagree that hes probably creating a co dependency thing, but it is saving me energy to repair my ana and take care of myself again

 

[Placo]

I'm thinking of asking for help for the umpteenth time, since the CTB method is always ready if desired.

 

[stillunemployed]

sunday morning today

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

How do you figure that would solve everything? thats a pretty blanket statement thats isnt always true.

Its not going to make my back pain stop. its not going to magically make parents that love me appear, people arent magically gonna stop being a$$holes
Sorry it took me so long to respond, my functioning moments are spars lately...

You're right getting better wont solve life circumstances. But it would make it easier to deal with them. I truely believe that if I lost my depression I would be able to get my life back...

I have to do my taxes today but I feel like shit again. Anxious and stressed, depressed and sad. At least im not tired everyday anymore like during my burnout. Sleeping goes well. That's good but the depression is ruining my life.

But im almost too depressed to do anything. Would sleep longer if I could.

 

[stillunemployed]

its a monday morning and im just as annoying

 

[Placo]

Tomorrow I should call the psychiatrist to make an appointment.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Tomorrow I should call the psychiatrist to make an appointment.

Good. What do you want to talk about?

 

[Placo]

Good. What do you want to talk about?

I should go back to being followed after a long time since I stopped going, it's also a new one compared to the one I had before, I hope he's good.

 

[cetacea]

Hi everyone, I'm back after being gone from here for a while..
I've had awful last few days. I hate myself a lot.
However, I got a job. It is remote and easy. I can work on my own hours. There used to be a 10hr per week minimum but it was waived.

it is far too early for the morning to have qualified as good but my significant someone has stopped the suicidal rampage for now and wants to cuddle all day so ill take what i can get

well,,, i hope the cuddle was good hahah

It's depressing reading some of the messages in the suicide section. Some people don't even want to get better... I don't get it. Getting better would solve everything!!
Some people are apparently beyond that point or they believe the outside world is too cruel to live in.
Not me. I need to recover. I want to live again... I need to get rid of this depression destroying everything I love.

I agree but some people are in pain beyond what they can imagine. Some have been abused, tortured, been through such traumatic events that they can't see any light. I can't fault them for that. I'm proud of you for being able to fight against the depression.

 

[HighFlight]

I got side-tracked for the weekend and everyone decides to post. I will try to catch up, but that might take some time.

Welcome, @Placo. And welcome back, @cetacea.

A quick update from myself... After trying to use it unsuccessfully in psychotherapy, I decided to give ketamine a try as a maintenance drug. While it didn't help with therapy, I did notice that I felt better for several days afterwards. I talked about it with my doctor, who mentioned they've seen success with micro-dosing it.

It's been about a week. No significant changes, but am feeling slightly more motivated to do other things. We're hoping to see some results over the next few weeks.

Groundhog Day still exists, although I hopefully I might find an end. The kids are doing well, all things considered. The oldest finally got a job and starts in a couple days.

Thank you, all of you, for keeping this thread alive. I look forward to catching up in the coming days.

 

[HighFlight]

Hpe ok

Am goin2 mke a rsourcs thred fr MH basd YT channls whch hve gd info fr genrl MH & specfc cnditns

If n.e1 hs n.e sggestns tht thy wn2 add pls snd slf d.m or rply

Apprci8

For those who have not noticed, several of the mods have been compiling recovery resources on various topics. These resources are pinned in various threads at the top of the Recovery Forum.

Thank you @Dot, @Againstthewind, @rainwillneverstop, @Myforevercharlie, and everyone else who has help pulled these resources together.

If you haven't had chance, please take a moment to check them out.

 

[stillunemployed]

And its a Tuesday! Winners get your prize at the bus stop.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

I agree but some people are in pain beyond what they can imagine. Some have been abused, tortured, been through such traumatic events that they can't see any light. I can't fault them for that. I'm proud of you for being able to fight against the depression.

I can't imagine reaching that point. It has to go on for a long time for me to actually give up. I'm a fighter because that's all I can do.

 

[Life_and_Death]

(venting)

just heard the best line from my exhus "you have to walk a fine line between being funny and hurting someones feelings"
i have heard "i was just joking" from his gaslighting ass too f'en often
and youre talking to me about it!!

 

[UsagiDrop]

Spoiler: TW: Negativity

I know I have things to get back to and I really want to. I'm not really going through anything but my horrible and rotten mind right now. I had a friend of mine tell me recently that they were happy I seemed hopeful for the future and I think that really triggered me. Of course, I can't tell them that I'm actually not optimistic or happy about it in the slightest. I have to mask and just pretend like they're right whenever I do have the energy to get back to them. The reality is that if things were up to me, there would be no future for me at-fucking-all. Every year I'm living past twenty-five is a reminder of my life's biggest failure. I couldn't do something as simple as ending it due to my fear of pain and disappointing others. As a result I continue to live this life I'm not happy with and I lack any desire to gain the agency necessary to be happy with it, no matter how much I try to build it all up. I guess I'm just not strong enough. But really, what is there to look forward to in the future? For me there will just be a marriage that I don't really want right now, consistent disappointment, constantly cleaning up after someone, some kids that I'll probably be coerced into having and keeping; I'll work dead-end jobs because I will never find the willpower to go back to school and drugs have ruined my brain by now, anyway, and I'll slave away until I pass away of old age. Maybe if God is merciful I will die earlier in some other, equally as painful way, but then that leaves people to mourn with the thought that I actually wanted to live this life and I'm missing out on it all somehow.

I'm back to two days sober now (I think?) and only one day sober on drinking. The only reason I won't drink today is because we're completely out of money (again and as usual; my partner will literally go into debt with his drug dealers getting drugs and I'm far too complacent in that even when it bothers me, plus I almost always take them hoping for the worst to finally happen so I have no leg to stand on in that argument anyway), but I really want to. I liked to read the things that other sober people say about sobriety. Their minds feel better, their bodies are healthier, their relationships thrive and they can actually remember important events with their loved ones. Most of all, they get out of that stagnation and actually do something with their lives. They have more money because they're no longer spending it on something that is slowly killing them and they live happier lives. All of that sounds really good but I realized today that I'm not even looking forward to recovering anymore... I just still want to die and I don't think that is going to go away even if I get treatment. I'll want to die until I actually end up dying. Recovering just means that I won't do it by my own hand.

The reason why people do drugs is to be okay with something in their lives that they cannot stand. Some people smoke joints before and after work just so that they won't harm their bosses, their customers, themselves. Others pop pills just to feel alive. For me, I wanted to put a pink cloud over the unbearable things I've had to deal with. And I've come to the point where I have to ask myself if I want that to stop. And the answer is a big fat no.

I realize this is an incredibly negative thing to post here which is why I put it under a spoiler. I don't want anyone to read it if they are in an especially vulnerable place, there is nothing of value that I have to say in this post at all. I'm really just venting so that I don't end up exploding on someone well-meaning and not prepared for it, because that's the direction I think things will go in if I speak to people right now.

Again, I'm really sorry that I couldn't contribute more positively or even get back to the things that I need to reply to. In all honesty, I'm thinking of leaving the forum myself, because I just keep logging on to find out more and more about methods instead of focusing on my recovery. And since I don't want to engage with that, and I don't want to drag you guys down by engaging with you all while I'm like this, I'm probably going to step away for a while. No idea when and if I'll get better but I hope this is just a bipolar episode even though it really doesn't fucking feel like it.

I hope you guys can do better than I am right now.

 

[HighFlight]

@UsagiDrop - thank you for sharing. I'm glad you felt safe enough to share, and thoughtful enough to use the spoiler tags. Know that I am here for you if you want to talk. You know you can dm me. Wishing you can find some peace soon.

 

[Life_and_Death]

when tears can fall and others in the room dont have a clue.
a river without a sound.....

 

[moshimoshi]

Spoiler: TW: Negativity

I know I have things to get back to and I really want to. I'm not really going through anything but my horrible and rotten mind right now. I had a friend of mine tell me recently that they were happy I seemed hopeful for the future and I think that really triggered me. Of course, I can't tell them that I'm actually not optimistic or happy about it in the slightest. I have to mask and just pretend like they're right whenever I do have the energy to get back to them. The reality is that if things were up to me, there would be no future for me at-fucking-all. Every year I'm living past twenty-five is a reminder of my life's biggest failure. I couldn't do something as simple as ending it due to my fear of pain and disappointing others. As a result I continue to live this life I'm not happy with and I lack any desire to gain the agency necessary to be happy with it, no matter how much I try to build it all up. I guess I'm just not strong enough. But really, what is there to look forward to in the future? For me there will just be a marriage that I don't really want right now, consistent disappointment, constantly cleaning up after someone, some kids that I'll probably be coerced into having and keeping; I'll work dead-end jobs because I will never find the willpower to go back to school and drugs have ruined my brain by now, anyway, and I'll slave away until I pass away of old age. Maybe if God is merciful I will die earlier in some other, equally as painful way, but then that leaves people to mourn with the thought that I actually wanted to live this life and I'm missing out on it all somehow.

I'm back to two days sober now (I think?) and only one day sober on drinking. The only reason I won't drink today is because we're completely out of money (again and as usual; my partner will literally go into debt with his drug dealers getting drugs and I'm far too complacent in that even when it bothers me, plus I almost always take them hoping for the worst to finally happen so I have no leg to stand on in that argument anyway), but I really want to. I liked to read the things that other sober people say about sobriety. Their minds feel better, their bodies are healthier, their relationships thrive and they can actually remember important events with their loved ones. Most of all, they get out of that stagnation and actually do something with their lives. They have more money because they're no longer spending it on something that is slowly killing them and they live happier lives. All of that sounds really good but I realized today that I'm not even looking forward to recovering anymore... I just still want to die and I don't think that is going to go away even if I get treatment. I'll want to die until I actually end up dying. Recovering just means that I won't do it by my own hand.

The reason why people do drugs is to be okay with something in their lives that they cannot stand. Some people smoke joints before and after work just so that they won't harm their bosses, their customers, themselves. Others pop pills just to feel alive. For me, I wanted to put a pink cloud over the unbearable things I've had to deal with. And I've come to the point where I have to ask myself if I want that to stop. And the answer is a big fat no.

I realize this is an incredibly negative thing to post here which is why I put it under a spoiler. I don't want anyone to read it if they are in an especially vulnerable place, there is nothing of value that I have to say in this post at all. I'm really just venting so that I don't end up exploding on someone well-meaning and not prepared for it, because that's the direction I think things will go in if I speak to people right now.

Again, I'm really sorry that I couldn't contribute more positively or even get back to the things that I need to reply to. In all honesty, I'm thinking of leaving the forum myself, because I just keep logging on to find out more and more about methods instead of focusing on my recovery. And since I don't want to engage with that, and I don't want to drag you guys down by engaging with you all while I'm like this, I'm probably going to step away for a while. No idea when and if I'll get better but I hope this is just a bipolar episode even though it really doesn't fucking feel like it.

I hope you guys can do better than I am right now.

I love you Usagi, please take any time you need, and if you need to leave the forum we completely understand. You've been an incredible friend to me and please let me know if you need anything at all I'm sorry, I really wish I saw this sooner. And remember it's completely okay not to be positive all of the time. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now, it sounds like you're going through absolute hell. I'll be thinking of you <3 I really hope you're able to find relief from this pain soon, even if it's just a little bit

 

[stillunemployed]

happy may day everyone. the day of the worker's protest in Chicago was bombed.

one of my teeth decided to die today, so that was fun

 

[lita-lassi]

usagi i love you and its okay

 

[Life_and_Death]

thoughts..? maybe.......

first off....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!


now thats out of the way.....

long story short my bf's life sucks he swears he needs me, but due to the situation has to "gaslight himself" (his words) and im sitting here with bpd like, you cant handle me. and trust me, he probably couldnt. just a couple days ago (barely, its 240am so i want to say 1 day ago XD) i totally freaked. i have bruises and sores all over my body (literally head to toe, well ankle), reagitated my concussion, threw whats left of my belongings all over the floor. (this parts going to sound bad but he has an understanding thats not actually what im doing and im trying not) and i have a tenancy to grab my exhus and trying so hard to not do anything my body violently shakes. (thought id try to make that clear before someone confuses struggling with abuse, remember,, you dont actually know the situation. i didnt see you here lol. besides, i do waaaaay more damage to myself) and yes, my bf is more than aware of that part of me, i dont hide anything from him.
but he swears he needs me, that without me he has no possibility for life (and hes not wrong, his dumbass mentally abusive mother didnt fucking teach him shit and then just gets upset with him like its his fault) (ok...this isnt seeming as short as i wanted it at this point....) and i can see why he needs me, his introverted, has anxiety. i have what he needs (basic living skills) and he has what i need (non abusive)

im convinced, im not good for you. somehow, dying alone is better than my existence.....
i wish i never met him.....you cant love something you dont know.... but that cat escaped the bag 10yrs ago.... now we love each other so much it kills to not talk...
being alone has to be better than being with me...... i know i love you and give you so much and that i hold you up.......but its like destruction is glued to me..... literally everything in my life has been out of my control....am i suppose to just not be abused? i cant control other people being assholes.


can my good qualities really be worth putting up with gaslighing yourself....?

i havent eaten all day..... i was sick 2 days ago (anorexia) so i only managed to eat a waffle and a pizza pop that was tuesday probably around lunch..... and its thursday now......i dont want to eat...... i want to die. i want my existence to cease...... it would be better for others and better for me. its like i told my exhus, 25 f'en yrs and i have more than enough stress to last me a lifetime, why the fuck would i want to keep living in a place where every where i turn, theres an asshole (literally, i can name every place ive been and had a problem with zero fucking "justice" )
and even that aside, i hate the smell of food, the texture of food, the look of food.


im just feeling.......done....... youre better off without me........... im better off without me..........

 

[stillunemployed]

thoughts..? maybe.......

first off....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!


now thats out of the way.....

long story short my bf's life sucks he swears he needs me, but due to the situation has to "gaslight himself" (his words) and im sitting here with bpd like, you cant handle me. and trust me, he probably couldnt. just a couple days ago (barely, its 240am so i want to say 1 day ago XD) i totally freaked. i have bruises and sores all over my body (literally head to toe, well ankle), reagitated my concussion, threw whats left of my belongings all over the floor. (this parts going to sound bad but he has an understanding thats not actually what im doing and im trying not) and i have a tenancy to grab my exhus and trying so hard to not do anything my body violently shakes. (thought id try to make that clear before someone confuses struggling with abuse, remember,, you dont actually know the situation. i didnt see you here lol. besides, i do waaaaay more damage to myself) and yes, my bf is more than aware of that part of me, i dont hide anything from him.
but he swears he needs me, that without me he has no possibility for life (and hes not wrong, his dumbass mentally abusive mother didnt fucking teach him shit and then just gets upset with him like its his fault) (ok...this isnt seeming as short as i wanted it at this point....) and i can see why he needs me, his introverted, has anxiety. i have what he needs (basic living skills) and he has what i need (non abusive)

im convinced, im not good for you. somehow, dying alone is better than my existence.....
i wish i never met him.....you cant love something you dont know.... but that cat escaped the bag 10yrs ago.... now we love each other so much it kills to not talk...
being alone has to be better than being with me...... i know i love you and give you so much and that i hold you up.......but its like destruction is glued to me..... literally everything in my life has been out of my control....am i suppose to just not be abused? i cant control other people being assholes.


can my good qualities really be worth putting up with gaslighing yourself....?

i havent eaten all day..... i was sick 2 days ago (anorexia) so i only managed to eat a waffle and a pizza pop that was tuesday probably around lunch..... and its thursday now......i dont want to eat...... i want to die. i want my existence to cease...... it would be better for others and better for me. its like i told my exhus, 25 f'en yrs and i have more than enough stress to last me a lifetime, why the fuck would i want to keep living in a place where every where i turn, theres an asshole (literally, i can name every place ive been and had a problem with zero fucking "justice" )
and even that aside, i hate the smell of food, the texture of food, the look of food.


im just feeling.......done....... youre better off without me........... im better off without me..........

seen any shows? fallout is good

 

[Life_and_Death]

seen any shows? fallout is good

ive been enjoying Gordan Ramsay: Uncharted, (she says after saying "i dont like anything about food" lol. im a food enthusiast, i just dont like ingesting it lol) there was one episode where he was actually "sort of close" to where i live. not even the same country, but its just down the oceans coast a little bit (the state right beside mine) and we share a lot of the same culture considering we're both right on the water. i was all OMG GORDON WAS NEAR ME!!!!!! XD despite still being miles away
Fallout is more my bf's type of thing (total opposites )

 

[stillunemployed]

ive been enjoying Gordan Ramsay: Uncharted, (she says after saying "i dont like anything about food" lol. im a food enthusiast, i just dont like ingesting it lol) there was one episode where he was actually "sort of close" to where i live. not even the same country, but its just down the oceans coast a little bit (the state right beside mine) and we share a lot of the same culture considering we're both right on the water. i was all OMG GORDON WAS NEAR ME!!!!!! XD despite still being miles away
Fallout is more my bf's type of thing (total opposites )

well i do like Gordon, although he is a massive prick in hells kitchen.

heres a blog documenting all the participants and what happened to them
i dont much like reality tv, unless its like a really good documentary

 

[Life_and_Death]

well i do like Gordon, although he is a massive prick in hells kitchen.

heres a blog documenting all the participants and what happened to them
i dont much like reality tv, unless its like a really good documentary

he can be, but ive noticed if the person shows potential then he's typically pretty good to them. hes mostly a prick to those that deserve it, thinking theyre better than him XD personally i had to stop watching hells kitchen because there was a really triggering season

Spoiler: reason

this guy was hitting on this girl or something which due to my past.... f off! im here to watch food not count how many times you fuck. its not a damn dating show!!

so i just watch his other shows now. watching the restaurant one and them trying to defend themselves meanwhile the whole place is.....just wrong, certainly makes me not want to eat out XD

idk how i feel about documentaries. i want to like them, i like learning. but i typically find them long and droning. i do enjoy "fictional history" (im not sure what to call it.) a good example is a book that i read when i was younger called 'WHO'S A SCAREDY-CAT?', the people in it is fictional but it has real facts about the halifax explosion (NS Can)

 

[stillunemployed]

he can be, but ive noticed if the person shows potential then he's typically pretty good to them. hes mostly a prick to those that deserve it, thinking theyre better than him XD personally i had to stop watching hells kitchen because there was a really triggering season

Spoiler: reason

this guy was hitting on this girl or something which due to my past.... f off! im here to watch food not count how many times you fuck. its not a damn dating show!!

so i just watch his other shows now. watching the restaurant one and them trying to defend themselves meanwhile the whole place is.....just wrong, certainly makes me not want to eat out XD

idk how i feel about documentaries. i want to like them, i like learning. but i typically find them long and droning. i do enjoy "fictional history" (im not sure what to call it.) a good example is a book that i read when i was younger called 'WHO'S A SCAREDY-CAT?', the people in it is fictional but it has real facts about the halifax explosion (NS Can)

You would like Mothman prophecies, i think. It's supposedly a thing that actualy happened in the 1970s, in the USA.

Its been years since i actually fully saw a documentary, which was this one.

I listened to an investigative documentary podcast last year.
Sad oligarch
it's def graphic though, triggering is possible

It's been a bad day. While i'm not in pain anymore, i just have to get my tooth extracted by next week, so just eating jogurt now.
I somehow got the compulsion to search for people i used to know on facebook.

That was a bad idea. I saw my ex with a baby. Not sure it was hers, but it would make sense.

I wish I was normal.

 

[Life_and_Death]

thoughts..? maybe.......

first off....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!


now thats out of the way.....

long story short my bf's life sucks he swears he needs me, but due to the situation has to "gaslight himself" (his words) and im sitting here with bpd like, you cant handle me. and trust me, he probably couldnt. just a couple days ago (barely, its 240am so i want to say 1 day ago XD) i totally freaked. i have bruises and sores all over my body (literally head to toe, well ankle), reagitated my concussion, threw whats left of my belongings all over the floor. (this parts going to sound bad but he has an understanding thats not actually what im doing and im trying not) and i have a tenancy to grab my exhus and trying so hard to not do anything my body violently shakes. (thought id try to make that clear before someone confuses struggling with abuse, remember,, you dont actually know the situation. i didnt see you here lol. besides, i do waaaaay more damage to myself) and yes, my bf is more than aware of that part of me, i dont hide anything from him.
but he swears he needs me, that without me he has no possibility for life (and hes not wrong, his dumbass mentally abusive mother didnt fucking teach him shit and then just gets upset with him like its his fault) (ok...this isnt seeming as short as i wanted it at this point....) and i can see why he needs me, his introverted, has anxiety. i have what he needs (basic living skills) and he has what i need (non abusive)

im convinced, im not good for you. somehow, dying alone is better than my existence.....
i wish i never met him.....you cant love something you dont know.... but that cat escaped the bag 10yrs ago.... now we love each other so much it kills to not talk...
being alone has to be better than being with me...... i know i love you and give you so much and that i hold you up.......but its like destruction is glued to me..... literally everything in my life has been out of my control....am i suppose to just not be abused? i cant control other people being assholes.


can my good qualities really be worth putting up with gaslighing yourself....?

i havent eaten all day..... i was sick 2 days ago (anorexia) so i only managed to eat a waffle and a pizza pop that was tuesday probably around lunch..... and its thursday now......i dont want to eat...... i want to die. i want my existence to cease...... it would be better for others and better for me. its like i told my exhus, 25 f'en yrs and i have more than enough stress to last me a lifetime, why the fuck would i want to keep living in a place where every where i turn, theres an asshole (literally, i can name every place ive been and had a problem with zero fucking "justice" )
and even that aside, i hate the smell of food, the texture of food, the look of food.


im just feeling.......done....... youre better off without me........... im better off without me..........

my bf talked me into being ok with it i guess....but i still dont want to eat......

 

[ConfusedClouds]

i was all OMG GORDON WAS NEAR ME!!!!!! XD despite still being miles away

I genuinely physically bumped into him once in London. St Pancras station - the arrivals from the Eurostar open into the middle of the main station. A train must have just arrived as it was super busy and I was just head down trying to get to my (domestic) train through the Eurostar crowds and walked into someone. Looked up and he is unmistakeable. Just kept going through.
Sorry, dunno what this even adds to this conversation.

 

[HighFlight]

I've enjoyed Gordon's Kitchen Nightmare show, but don't follow reality shows. Too much drama for me. I did enjoy "The Good Place" on Netflix.

Sorry, dunno what this even adds to this conversation.

Nothing to apologize for. I sat in the same row as Eminem on a flight about 20 years ago. They're just fun little facts...

im just feeling.......done....... youre better off without me........... im better off without me..........

We're better off with you here, but i understand. I get a similar feeling often. But then I think about all the people who depend on me, and I can't go anywhere just yet.

I glad you felt comfortable enough to vent to us. Also glad that @stillunemployed was around to respond.

Thank you all for being here to help each other.