I was thinking about what to put in a note

[Leiot]

.. and it occurred to me that I'm not sure I want anyone to remember me. I don't want them to have a funeral or memorial service or wake or anything. Just erase me from their memories. I had a list of people for my friend to contact (he has my medical power-of-attorney and all that) but I think I'm deleting it. I'm not even sure I want him to be notified. The only person who has to be notified is my ex because she's eligible for my social security. I think people will feel bad for a little bit because they're supposed to feel bad - that's the rules - but after that I don't think anyone will really care in the long run. And that's probably a good thing.

I try to look at the one thing I've done that's good and I screwed that up. So many mistakes. The pain feels like a punishment. The only good I can do now is take care of my cats. They deserve a good life. At least I can give them that. I just have to wait a while longer.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to be forgotten about, I'd personally choose to erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find what you are searching for.

 

[attheend13]

.. and it occurred to me that I'm not sure I want anyone to remember me. I don't want them to have a funeral or memorial service or wake or anything. Just erase me from their memories. I had a list of people for my friend to contact (he has my medical power-of-attorney and all that) but I think I'm deleting it. I'm not even sure I want him to be notified. The only person who has to be notified is my ex because she's eligible for my social security. I think people will feel bad for a little bit because they're supposed to feel bad - that's the rules - but after that I don't think anyone will really care in the long run. And that's probably a good thing.

I try to look at the one thing I've done that's good and I screwed that up. So many mistakes. The pain feels like a punishment. The only good I can do now is take care of my cats. They deserve a good life. At least I can give them that. I just have to wait a while longer.

I get the idea of forgetting me. For me the desire to be forgotten is like the desire to be absolved. I feel so deeply guilty for being such a burden to so many people. I hate myself and my sad ridiculous constant breakdown. I hate what I am. If people forget me maybe it diminishes my disgusting parasitic need to be loved. And I can't imagine letting my cats down