Discussion im having weird thoughts, anyone else relate?

[westernromanpatriot]

hey all!

im definitely a depressed mess but im not actively suicidal at all rn. I know for sure that I don't want to live *too* long, can't see myself growing old that's for sure... the thing is, not yet knowing how I want to die or even how I *can* die makes me despair. It makes me feel like I'm "trapped" here so to speak.
At the same time, I have so much I'm looking forward to and things I still want to do, if I died tomorrow I'd probably think my life was wasted...

Anyone else feeling like this?

 

[undecidedfool]

I understand what you mean. I've definitely had phases like this. Sometimes just figuring out a loose plan calmed the "trapped" feeling. I don't think it hurts to think about, especially when you have no interest in actually following through.
Sometimes I would visualize how I'd get close, then after I'd visualize how I'd step away from the ledge or put the gun down or whatever it was that time.
Currently I'm not feeling the wanting to live part, but that it what it is. I don't think you have to be suicidal to think about escaping.

 

[hahahahhkjsk]

ive been in the exact same situation for most of my life. especially recently.
stuck in the limbo of:

not wanting to die just yet because i haven't achieved anything tangible and i want to at least leave something behind to show that i at least tried

wanting to die because its too late, i wont achieve anything, i wont actually fulfill anything i wanted to, why bother wasting time

and its HORRIBLE. being pulled from both sides. feeling like i still have so much time while also feeling like ive run out of all my time and now theres a barrier or something.

what is something you look forward to? that keeps you here? is it something you want to do, create, something you enjoy watching or reading? if you have something, anything that lights up that little spark of hope in your heart, try to do it. just do something simple for half an hour, no matter how bad it is, even if you feel like youre nowhere with it, don't compare yourself to some ideal in your head. just do it because its a thing you like and you haven't done it in a while. no expectations about the outcome, like if you want to write something, write a short snippet no matter how bad it is.

anything to keep it going. this depressed cocoon and stuck mode wasn't build in a day and its not realistic to expect yourself to turn your life around in one day completely (positively obviously). step by step. try to gain momentum. and forget about the past (ridiculous, ridiculous advice, i know), at least in that moment. i keep comparing something im doing to how it felt doing it years ago, but that time is gone? wtf am i mulling over?

this probably sounds like advice written to myself, in a way, it is, but i hope that by sharing my personal insights you can at least find something that resonates with you