I want to kill myself but I dont want my old bad photos to be plastered at my funeral

[daysfeel]

I feel like I'm at the end of it, and I've had a plan together for a long time, but there are some things preventing me from killing myself that are out of my control.

I don't want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing I killed myself. I can think of at least 5 people who would feel happy I offed myself, and that alone has made me stay alive out of pure spite.

And I also don't want any old photos my family members might still have to be posted at my funeral. Also old yearbook photos might get posted if my family is having trouble finding pics of me. These are photos I'm deeply ashamed of, and I don't want to be humiliated at my funeral when I die, I want to present to others the person I am now when I'm dead. I would stay alive solely to prevent any of this from happening.

But at this point I just want so badly to die. But I can't even fathom having these things happen. I feel completely trapped. I just want to die, but there are things outside of my control that keep me here.

Do any of you guys feel this way?

 

[singingcrow]

YES!! this is exactly how I feel. I'm thinking of having a glow up first so i'll be happy will the photos at my funeral

 

[cedartree]

Honestly for myself i know that at my funeral i wouldnt care what kind of photos are shown. Old photos of me are still me, even if i dont connect with or identify as the person i see in those photos.
What you could do is bring it up with your parents- the hypothetical of you dying, and express what your wishes are once you die.

 

[daysfeel]

Honestly for myself i know that at my funeral i wouldnt care what kind of photos are shown. Old photos of me are still me, even if i dont connect with or identify as the person i see in those photos.
What you could do is bring it up with your parents- the hypothetical of you dying, and express what your wishes are once you die.

I can try to do this but I'm afraid my parents will freak out if I talk about me dying since they know I deal with depression

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

I feel exactly the same, freaks me out knowing that I wont be able to control the photos chosen for me

 

[deathwish]

Would writing a note expressing your desire help? If even one person is willing to try to carry out your wishes--keeping those photos from being shared--that could be enough.

As for not wanting to give anyone the satisfaction... Different solution from the above: Run away and then kill yourself? If you have enough money to make it to a remote location and a way to off yourself there, you may be put down as missing orrrr you can lie and bid goodbye to everyone like, "I've decided to be a roadie! Peace!" But then anyone you'd want to know that you've died wouldn't know... if you want that.

 

[libertybellreplica]

I kinda feel the same but then again I will be dead so why do I care what happens in this world

 

[theolivanderroach]

I feel the same way. The only pictures of me are shitty candids someone took of me. I don't have any nice pictures of myself. At least I'll be dead and won't have to experience the embarrassment. Maybe I should get some professional pictures taken so those would be likely to get used instead lol

 

[Quotable2793]

Maybe you could leave some photos in your room or in your pocket on your body that you want to be used with a note? I'm sure your family would probably honor that wish wouldn't they?

 

[wildflowers1996]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I relate, but I know there's nothing I can do. I can't delete every photo of me ever taken, and every memory of my appearance everyone has of me, like I wish I could.
I just taking comfort in knowing I wouldn't be aware of anything when I'm not here.

 

[needthebus]

i dont feel this way exactly, but i do feel like i can't die just yet and it's hard but wish to do it in a year or so probably

 

[HenryHenriksen_6E]

Wow, I never knew people felt this way. Tbh I'd kinda be too dead to care.