Help Should I kill myself before college?

[m3nhera]

(I'm 18, high school senior) I keep changing my mind about whether I want to live or not and I feel like I keep getting signs I should kill myself. But at the same time I don't want to die in my current pathetic state. I have goals I want to complete. But what about a compromise of trying as hard as I can to complete my goals, and then I can kill myself in August? But I don't know, dying before even going to college seems kinda sad. But at the same time, it's better than dying DURING the semester. The end of summer break is a perfect window for a "clean" death, doing it before high school graduation or during college is messy in my mind. And during summer break I'll still want to go out with friends and try and find a job and such, so the end is the best time. If I don't kill myself in August, there's not gonna be a clean window until the first year of college is over. Also, I want to achieve my goals but I have no motivation to since it's hard for me to look forward to/enjoy most things. But, if I knew I could ctb in August anyway, it would push me to really try and achieve my goals, because if I don't, I don't earn the reward. That's one of the only, if not the only thing that feels rewarding to me given my current circumstances. Please feel free to let me know in replies, nobody is encouraging anything, but rather regardless of what anyone says, it's to hopefully minimize suffering. It's still my choice at the end of the day so don't be afraid to be honest if it's really better to just die before then(or at least try to). Might also post this in the other section too so replies aren't biased and can be looked at from all perspectives.

 

[Chito and Yuuri]

Look, if you can do it, I'd recommend staying alive up to college starting and once college starts you absolutely bear hug it and stay till the very end, where even when you'd graduate you'd have a degree and you might as well put it to good use. However, if you decide to end up killing yourself anyway before college, then unfortunately I can't stop you from there. I hope you find peace, and try to keep my recommendation in mind.

 

[m3nhera]

Look, if you can do it, I'd recommend staying alive up to college starting and once college starts you absolutely bear hug it and stay till the very end, where even when you'd graduate you'd have a degree and you might as well put it to good use. However, if you decide to end up killing yourself anyway before college, then unfortunately I can't stop you from there. I hope you find peace, and try to keep my recommendation in mind.

I'll keep this in mind, thank you. It's just so hard, I wonder if it's even worth it.

 

[welcome]

I'm in the same boat. I'm going to graduate in June (which feels more like a participation/cope 'award' more than anything) but I think I'm going to stick it out until college. Since I'm going to major in chemistry it opens up a lot of options for me (in theory, but I doubt a bachelor's alone would give me a real grasp at how to make things realistically). The only "fortunate" thing about college for me is that I live in California and have the lowest student aid index for financial aid, so instead of putting 50 thousand dollars down the drain yearly to go to a state school, I will only need to put in 11 thousand (which I am grateful for). These past few months have flown by so fast for me, and August is just around the corner. I would wait if I were you.

 

[pelicanportal]

no, hold out. you have a lot of big changes ahead. suicide is always an option down the road, your brain is still developing. give life an honest shot first even if it is really difficult right now.

 

[PanaxMan]

This was me when I first joined SaSu. Back then, I had hope that the career I wanted would have a existence within the next 4 hours of my life. Oh how wrong I was. I would say it would depend on the career itself. If it has a chance for existing within the next 5 to 10 years I don't recommend it. But it's your choice.

(I'm 18, high school senior) I keep changing my mind about whether I want to live or not and I feel like I keep getting signs I should kill myself. But at the same time I don't want to die in my current pathetic state. I have goals I want to complete. But what about a compromise of trying as hard as I can to complete my goals, and then I can kill myself in August? But I don't know, dying before even going to college seems kinda sad. But at the same time, it's better than dying DURING the semester. The end of summer break is a perfect window for a "clean" death, doing it before high school graduation or during college is messy in my mind. And during summer break I'll still want to go out with friends and try and find a job and such, so the end is the best time. If I don't kill myself in August, there's not gonna be a clean window until the first year of college is over. Also, I want to achieve my goals but I have no motivation to since it's hard for me to look forward to/enjoy most things. But, if I knew I could ctb in August anyway, it would push me to really try and achieve my goals, because if I don't, I don't earn the reward. That's one of the only, if not the only thing that feels rewarding to me given my current circumstances. Please feel free to let me know in replies, nobody is encouraging anything, but rather regardless of what anyone says, it's to hopefully minimize suffering. It's still my choice at the end of the day so don't be afraid to be honest if it's really better to just die before then(or at least try to). Might also post this in the other section too so replies aren't biased and can be looked at from all perspectives.

 

[m3nhera]

This was me when I first joined SaSu. Back then, I had hope that the career I wanted would have an existence within the next 4 hours of my life. Oh how wrong I was. I would say it would depend on the career itself. If it has a chance for existing within the next 5 to 10 years I don't recommend it. But it's your choice.

I'm not really sure, the future is unpredictable. I'm honestly not even sure what career I want despite knowing my major.

no, hold out. you have a lot of big changes ahead. suicide is always an option down the road, your brain is still developing. give life an honest shot first even if it is really difficult right now.

I've given it an honest shot for years and all that's done is hurt me.

I'm in the same boat. I'm going to graduate in June (which feels more like a participation/cope 'award' more than anything) but I think I'm going to stick it out until college. Since I'm going to major in chemistry it opens up a lot of options for me (in theory, but I doubt a bachelor's alone would give me a real grasp at how to make things realistically). The only "fortunate" thing about college for me is that I live in California and have the lowest student aid index for financial aid, so instead of putting 50 thousand dollars down the drain yearly to go to a state school, I will only need to put in 11 thousand (which I am grateful for). These past few months have flown by so fast for me, and August is just around the corner. I would wait if I were you.

It's sad but also comforting to see there's others here who are also graduating soon. I'll stick it out then! Also omg I didn't know that about California, that's so awesome!!! I'll stick around and see what happens, hope college is good for the both of us.

 

[sixthgun]

I'm in a similar situation. I've personally decided to keep living for bit if I get into university and ctb in the summer if I fail my current course. In my mind, I might as well give university a chance and see if I can at least milk a few good moments out of this miserable life before I end it. My top choice university is the university with the highest rates of drug abuse in my country so at least I can go out with a bang lolol

Plus, then you get the bonus of being known as a "bright academic youth" who died tragically :D

 

[nooneyouknow]

as someone currently in college and struggling like a motherfucker, wait. something like this I don't think can really be asked whether or not you should just "do". if you have any questions or whatever about college n stuff/need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. but just hold out for a little bit otherwise

 

[ilovenewyork]

for many people the college years are their fondest memory. they meet all their friends and find themselves and drugs and sex too. don't miss out. this is a very unique experience you're having being alive. enjoy it while you can. lot of people would love to be 18, even though I know you have problems. enjoy yourself

 

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

Only if you are 100% sure. Which almost no one ever is. College is hard but opens up a lot of new opportunities and can be an entirely different world compared to where you were before. I would recommend at least seeing what college is like first.

 

[m3nhera]

I'm in a similar situation. I've personally decided to keep living for bit if I get into university and ctb in the summer if I fail my current course. In my mind, I might as well give university a chance and see if I can at least milk a few good moments out of this miserable life before I end it. My top choice university is the university with the highest rates of drug abuse in my country so at least I can go out with a bang lolol

Plus, then you get the bonus of being known as a "bright academic youth" who died tragically :D

Lol yeah, glad you've decided to stick around for uni at least!!! How can we kill ourselves before even checking it out? I heard college is sm fun I wanna get wasted lol

Only if you are 100% sure. Which almost no one ever is. College is hard but opens up a lot of new opportunities and can be an entirely different world compared to where you were before. I would recommend at least seeing what college is like first.

I'll try to stay until then, I also am curious to see what it's like

for many people the college years are their fondest memory. they meet all their friends and find themselves and drugs and sex too. don't miss out. this is a very unique experience you're having being alive. enjoy it while you can. lot of people would love to be 18, even though I know you have problems. enjoy yourself

I'll try to, life is just kicking my ass rn but maybe college really is as fun as they say, only one way to find out

as someone currently in college and struggling like a motherfucker, wait. something like this I don't think can really be asked whether or not you should just "do". if you have any questions or whatever about college n stuff/need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. but just hold out for a little bit otherwise

I'm trying, but life has been really awful lately and my parents have been more awful the past year, life is so unbearable and it's hard to see a future at all