Venting i want to go so bad but idk how

[inhabitinglots]

i feel so stupid, everyone else has a set method they can think of and i just have nothing. i was looking into a few and then saw conflicting things about its effectiveness. of course all methods arent gonna be quick and easy but i dont know. something will sound like it works, is inexpensive, and accessible but then someone will say to the contrary. i dont even care about the pain, i just dont want time to regret it. i probably deserve to feel that, that life-flashes-before-your-eyes moment and at one point i wanted to feel it because i wanted every single emotion that would come with what i would do, because i deserved it. i still deserve it but im selfish and im scared of it now. i know that the feeling is probably inevitable, but i would want to minimize it with something quicker, or be so out of my mind in pain im not thinking of regret, other than the "oh my god it hurts" kind? i know immolation might fit that bill but i tried that ages ago and it was a shitshow, i mean ofc ur entire being is hard-wired against doing something like that to yourself so like obviously but i dont know. probably the only that would work for what i want is a gun but i dont have access, i dont think at least, not easily. idk im being stupid. i guess its like all things in life the good stuff isnt cheap or easy lolol im just talking bs sorry

 

[Hollowman]

I highly doubt everyone here has a set method. What were you looking into?

 

[inhabitinglots]

I highly doubt everyone here has a set method. What were you looking into?

definitely not yeah my bad, i realize i ought to not speak so hyperbolic and dramatic. recently i was looking into the "night night" method due to how accessible it seemed but it doesnt sound so effective? but i also cant find many experiences with it. other than that it was FSH and partial. any other method i might have access to (train or jumping) would probably traumatize someone else deeply and i cant bring myself to do that. i mean even fsh and partial would, i think i was/am attracted to the idea of the "night night" method because i could go somewhere secluded where no one regular person would find. the only other "portable" methods i can think of are ones i dont really have access to

 

[Hollowman]

No worries just letting you know you're not alone. Night night is effective but not easy to pull off.

 

[Aflame5926]

i feel so stupid, everyone else has a set method they can think of and i just have nothing. i was looking into a few and then saw conflicting things about its effectiveness. of course all methods arent gonna be quick and easy but i dont know. something will sound like it works, is inexpensive, and accessible but then someone will say to the contrary. i dont even care about the pain, i just dont want time to regret it. i probably deserve to feel that, that life-flashes-before-your-eyes moment and at one point i wanted to feel it because i wanted every single emotion that would come with what i would do, because i deserved it. i still deserve it but im selfish and im scared of it now. i know that the feeling is probably inevitable, but i would want to minimize it with something quicker, or be so out of my mind in pain im not thinking of regret, other than the "oh my god it hurts" kind? i know immolation might fit that bill but i tried that ages ago and it was a shitshow, i mean ofc ur entire being is hard-wired against doing something like that to yourself so like obviously but i dont know. probably the only that would work for what i want is a gun but i dont have access, i dont think at least, not easily. idk im being stupid. i guess its like all things in life the good stuff isnt cheap or easy lolol im just talking bs sorry

so what happend to you? also you been here since 2020 what happend with erverything?

 

[inhabitinglots]

so what happend to you? also you been here since 2020 what happend with erverything?

yeahh its pretty embarrassing that ive been here so long i know, i am aware of how long ive been here. im not really sure why you asked me that, not that you meant it to be rude or anything, but i mean it just hasnt worked out yet? sorry im just not sure how to answer/respond to that, i cant actually explain why fully but also since this site can also just be used to vent without censorship abt suicidality (as im sure you know ofc), rather than just using it as a guide to CTB immediately (it can also be used that way). so sometimes im just using it for that. first time i joined this site i tried shortly after but failed due to intervention, and i have not used this site consistently for that stretch of time. like there were stretches of time years ago where i wasnt planning on this at all, so i think thats part of the reason why. im not sure what you mean by what happened to me but im currently looking for a supplier for a current method im exploring but due to federal bans i probably just have to synthesize it myself

 

[Aflame5926]

yeahh its pretty embarrassing that ive been here so long i know, i am aware of how long ive been here. im not really sure why you asked me that, not that you meant it to be rude or anything, but i mean it just hasnt worked out yet? sorry im just not sure how to answer/respond to that, i cant actually explain why fully but also since this site can also just be used to vent without censorship abt suicidality (as im sure you know ofc), rather than just using it as a guide to CTB immediately (it can also be used that way). so sometimes im just using it for that. first time i joined this site i tried shortly after but failed due to intervention, and i have not used this site consistently for that stretch of time. like there were stretches of time years ago where i wasnt planning on this at all, so i think thats part of the reason why. im not sure what you mean by what happened to me but im currently looking for a supplier for a current method im exploring but due to federal bans i probably just have to synthesize it myself

sorry i indeed didnt meant it like that.

This explains it so much. so the thing is your question is basicly being solved if you look around here more. and also in combination with the search function you get all your answers. but like you said you use it to vent it. i mean even the sticky topics in this section give you are good glimb.

also i dont find i it lame. CTB isnt something to be proud of.
i just wanted to understand the question here

sorry if this might have sounded to offence

 

[inhabitinglots]

sorry i indeed didnt meant it like that.

This explains it so much. so the thing is your question is basicly being solved if you look around here more. and also in combination with the search function you get all your answers. but like you said you use it to vent it. i mean even the sticky topics in this section give you are good glimb.

also i dont find i it lame. CTB isnt something to be proud of.
i just wanted to understand the question here

sorry if this might have sounded to offence

nono youre good im sorry if i came off combative. its my own insecurity and shame i think. i felt this way for so long and have 'nothing' to show for it. i feel a lotta guilt hence why im here instead of talking to loved ones. realistically the best thing would be if i magically stopped feeling this way but i kind of realized that will never be the case at this point and that ive been burdening those in my life with myself as well as ruining my life. you absolutely dont sound offensive at all i appreciate you commenting on my thread it really does mean a lot to me. i can sound pretty nonsensical and i appreciate that you took the time to try and understand what i was saying. i think i was just ranting bc every method ive tried in the past hasnt worked so seeing conflicting reports on a method kind of scares me. i apologize if my tone came off mean or rude i didnt mean to come off that way but i reread my reply and it totally did, im sorry. i hope youre having a good day at the very least.

as for my question i think i know what you mean if you mean that site. i havent found it because i wasnt actually looking because im lazy and sn was extremely low on my list of methods i was willing to try until more recently. im not sure why but i was just completely disinterested in it (although when i first joined there was a lot less talk abt it, i saw more ppl talk abt jumping) but ive seen a lot abt it these past few months like crazy. but also when i first joined you could pretty much still get it on amazon i believe. idk why my first thought/step was to synthesize it myself rather than just find someone to sell it to me but i saw people getting all those wellfare checks in the UK-- or having their money taken from them-- and the concept of being scammed out of CTB is like too much for me or something. either way thank you for taking the time to talk to me it really does mean a lot i hope this doesnt come off as weird or anything

No worries just letting you know you're not alone. Night night is effective but not easy to pull off.

I appreciate it, thank you. and thanks for the clarification on that, i saw some conflicting accounts so its good to know that its just hard rather than ineffective, ill keep that in mind

 

[Aflame5926]

nono youre good im sorry if i came off combative. its my own insecurity and shame i think. i felt this way for so long and have 'nothing' to show for it. i feel a lotta guilt hence why im here instead of talking to loved ones. realistically the best thing would be if i magically stopped feeling this way but i kind of realized that will never be the case at this point and that ive been burdening those in my life with myself as well as ruining my life. you absolutely dont sound offensive at all i appreciate you commenting on my thread it really does mean a lot to me. i can sound pretty nonsensical and i appreciate that you took the time to try and understand what i was saying. i think i was just ranting bc every method ive tried in the past hasnt worked so seeing conflicting reports on a method kind of scares me. i apologize if my tone came off mean or rude i didnt mean to come off that way but i reread my reply and it totally did, im sorry. i hope youre having a good day at the very least.

as for my question i think i know what you mean if you mean that site. i havent found it because i wasnt actually looking because im lazy and sn was extremely low on my list of methods i was willing to try until more recently. im not sure why but i was just completely disinterested in it (although when i first joined there was a lot less talk abt it, i saw more ppl talk abt jumping) but ive seen a lot abt it these past few months like crazy. but also when i first joined you could pretty much still get it on amazon i believe. idk why my first thought/step was to synthesize it myself rather than just find someone to sell it to me but i saw people getting all those wellfare checks in the UK-- or having their money taken from them-- and the concept of being scammed out of CTB is like too much for me or something. either way thank you for taking the time to talk to me it really does mean a lot i hope this doesnt come off as weird or anything

nah. text can be sometimes weird with interpretation but you are good.
but i do think this site is a safe space. so everything is valid. there is no shame in it.

even if you tried it multiple times there is no shame.
but getting scammed imo is a price you need to willing to pay. its never 100%. it never easy.

but really, think this site and thread just as a safe space. if the idea is stupid we can always tell you.
but the thing is the descion is always yours not ours. its a disuccusion.

you can say A while im saying B and how much worth is my opinion?
nothing not even a cent because its about "you" and not "me"

ya always welcome for a chat <3