So my plan was to kinda just see how life goes till I hit 30. I've been suicidal and delt with suicidal thoughts since I was 19 (I'm now 25). However I've noticed the past year or 2 I've just been getting more and more depressed. Lately my eating habits have turned to shit. I'm comfort eating more and have went from 13 stone to 16. I think I've subconsciously decided what's going to happen. Does anyone relate?
Same, been eating a ton for stress relief and sleeping a lot. depression has destroyed my life. I went from 120 pounds to 220. real shit, one hundred.
Iman
Member
- Jan 24, 2019
- 60
My plan is currently to at least not kill myself in the next few years.
Meditation or rather being mindful of the thoughts helps for me.
Not always, but it does make it seem better.
At the same time it makes it feel worse.
I have the feeling that this is due to the contrast of the good and bad moments. Before I was just expecting bad things to happen, so if it did actually happen there wasn't much surprise and no expectations to be shattered. So if I do manage to have a few moments of joy, hoping that this feeling may last, I am basically setting myself up to get hurt again. Because it won't last forever.
But I guess good feelings never last forever and they never did. Because that's just how life is. Constantly throwing shit at you. All we can do is try to dodge as much of it as possible. Maybe we even find occasionally a nice little treat sprinkled inbetween.
Meditation or rather being mindful of the thoughts helps for me.
Not always, but it does make it seem better.
At the same time it makes it feel worse.
I have the feeling that this is due to the contrast of the good and bad moments. Before I was just expecting bad things to happen, so if it did actually happen there wasn't much surprise and no expectations to be shattered. So if I do manage to have a few moments of joy, hoping that this feeling may last, I am basically setting myself up to get hurt again. Because it won't last forever.
But I guess good feelings never last forever and they never did. Because that's just how life is. Constantly throwing shit at you. All we can do is try to dodge as much of it as possible. Maybe we even find occasionally a nice little treat sprinkled inbetween.
21Neberg
Enlightened
- Dec 17, 2018
- 1,624
Those are some great motivational words. I certainly needed them as I can't attempt again for the coming few weeks.
dysfunctional
Arcanist
- Oct 26, 2018
- 459
Definitely part of the process. You feel like shit and want to die, and you stop caring. The more serious the suicidal desire gets, you seriously stop caring. Then the things you do when not caring make you feel worse and the cycle continues. Thats definitely how it worked for me. Unfortunately the reality isn't as glorious as doing a bunch of fun things before you die, cuz the desire and ability to experience to pleasure goes away. Yep i used to be ripped and have a six pac, now i'm fat and gross
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